General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Nova you keep saying everyone is faithful in your relationships...but that is a lie. You cheat on your wife and your vows everyday. You brought your skanky ***** to live under your wifes roof. She loves you but obviously knows what a ***** you yourself are. She takes your crap because somehow that is better than losing you completely. I will do everything in my power to make sure my son never treats women the way you do. And if my daughter ever runs across a man like you he will be in the ground before he humiliates her the way you have your wife. Respect your wife for once and get your mistress out of that house. Share custody and stop calling her your girlfriend. She is a **** and deserves no such title. How the two of you look yourselves in the mirror is beyond me. Posted via Mobile Device
Jaquen: You are right. Marriage or Monogamy have never been of great importance to me. To my wife they are more important. I think she knows my heart is in a good place even if I falter and that is why she has been forgiving. I would not be comfortable with another man in my home or with my wife. That is not an option.
Tiredandout: Our kids do come first. Always. Our relationship is slightly different than your friends'. Ours is closed so there is little to no dates with men and women outside of our home. I treat my wife and girlfriend as equals. I think you are right that may be some of the issue. I will try to show my wife that she is always the first and most important to me. I may have been caught up in the newer relationship and lost track of who should be the focus.
Livelaughlovenow: I am in love with both my wife and girlfriend.I could not choose and say I love one more than the other. I can't kick my girlfriend and children out of our home. I cannot. I can't imagine not seeing her romantically too. I think if I was to do something like that I would end up hurting my wife by cheating again. I think some people are one partner people and some are not. I am not a one-partner type of person.
Zsu234: I can't answer what will happen long-term. We are just trying to take it day by day. I really want to make this work and I think its the best choice for all of us. I'm not as bad a man as you seem to think I am. I am a loving, generous, and caring person. I do have my flaws. But don't we all? I'm working on repairing the relationship with my in-laws. They don't seem to understand our situation well and are making snap-judgement calls. It isn't fair.
Shaggy: I do not know what you mean by "ultimate cake-eating experience". I do not think the government should be legislating love. Its possible to love more than one person. I've never ever abused my children. I resent the suggestion that our lifestyle is abusive. It isn't.
Eowyn: I think a lot of people are very biased against the poly lifestyle. Just try to learn and understand and not judge. Some things that don't work for you work for others. If you have any specific questions about our lifestyle I'd be glad to answer them. One of the things I hope to do is clear up some misconceptions.
KittyKat: That man was being disrespectful to my children. I did not think his name-calling deserved a response. I was hoping this would be a civil discussion.
Lisab105: I am faithful to my wife and girlfriend. There are no other women than them. The home is my home that I paid for. We have a large home and my girlfriend needed a place to stay. I offered her a place to stay out of benevolence not selfishness. I love women and I treat women with kindness. I am not a bad man because I am not monogamous by nature. I will not have my girlfriend leave our home. She is actually a friend of my wife's too and we are a family. Our kids love one another and I wouldn't separate them. My daughter and son love their baby brothers and I won't separate them. I am disappointed in how disrespectful many of you are towards my girlfriend and our kids. You can't help who you love.
Honestly Nova, it seems you've chosen this lifestyle, are happy with your choice, and have convinced the women, particularly your wife, in your life that this is the best road for your family.
I don't think you're going to accomplish much here. People on this site tend to be very closed off to a lot of fringe activity, and this is about as fringe as you can get. Your reception here will not be a warm one from most of these people.
A lot of these posters are people who have dealt with infidelity. Your poly lifestyle started off founded on a lot of lies, cheating, infidelity, and pain. Most are not going to be able to ignore the foundations of a thing, or accept that something so ugly has transformed into something you consider beautiful.
This world revolves around you. The women aren't "allowed" to have multiple partners, and you're not willing to allow another man into this poly relationship. You sacrifice very little. Meanwhile this all started because your wife was sick, foolishly gave her blessing to sleep around in front of her face, and all your actions since then have been about supporting YOUR needs. This isn't a true poly situation in that it's totally focused on whatever choices you make, and all others are expected to adapt. YOUR wife. YOUR girlfriends. YOUR house. That's a very tough pill to swallow.
But you didn't create this life in a vacuum. For whatever reason your wife married a man she knew wasn't monogamous, and she's stuck by you. That is her choice, and she has to accept the consequences of that. Your girlfriends seems to be perfectly fine with having trespassed on a marriage, and is now literally apart of that marriage. There doesn't seem to be a lot of functional choices coming out here. All of you seem to be really crippled in some way.
Good luck. I mean that. I don't believe in mindlessly attacking people. You could be, in other ways, a great person, even if I strongly disagree with your choices. I hope, in the end, there is peace, love, and some kind of true enlightenment for all of you. For your sake, and the kids'.
You can't seriously believe this situation is tenable.
You'd better start making some choices before they're made for you.
Let me repeat ....
Your marital situation will not work.
You must choose and do it now.you have no one to blame but yourself and everyone involved in this relationship is going to feel a good measure of pain before it's rectified, if it even can be rectified. Posted via Mobile Device
So you simply want your cake and to eat it too...two different cakes I might add...good luck dude. You are not thinking rationally, are being selfish and your wife will make the decision for you, soon since she keeps telling you she has a problem Posted via Mobile Device
Jacquen, I wish I could 'like' your post a hundred times.
OP, all I keep wondering is how your wife got to the point to where she gave you permission to have sex with other women? I understand that she was sick and had no libido but I wouldn't care how often my husband begged me for sex, I would never tell him that he could have sex with anyone but myself. Honestly, she must have had some very low self-esteem to begin with and I doubt you improved that much by begging her for sex and probably pouting or making her feel guilty in some way because she was unable to satisfy you.
I agree that this sounds like it's all about you. It sounds like you're completely detached from how your wife feels, if you even care at all. It's obvious that she doesn't like this situation no matter how much she has learned to like this other woman. She's been forced to keep a civil relationship with her because there's no way you will choose your wife over her and she obviously still loves you.
If my husband told me that I could look for sexual gratification outside of the relationship for whatever reason, there is no way that I would do it.
There's a lot here that really makes my blood boil. Not because it's a poly relationship because I don't have a problem with that. It's because you don't seem to care about anyone but yourself. You took advantage of your wife at her weakest. She loved you and told you that you could find sexual satisfaction elsewhere probably because she felt guilty and you did it, fell in love with the woman, moved her into your house, and lied to your wife about continuing to have a sexual relationship with the other woman when she was feeling better. Didn't you have enough foresight to know that would be a possibility? If all you are looking for is sexual gratification, what is wrong with masturbation?
Honestly Nova, it seems you've chosen this lifestyle, are happy with your choice, and have convinced the women, particularly your wife, in your life that this is the best road for your family.
I don't think you're going to accomplish much here. People on this site tend to be very closed off to a lot of fringe activity, and this is about as fringe as you can get. Your reception here will not be a warm one from most of these people.
A lot of these posters are people who have dealt with infidelity. Your poly lifestyle started off founded on a lot of lies, cheating, infidelity, and pain. Most are not going to be able to ignore the foundations of a thing, or accept that something so ugly has transformed into something you consider beautiful.
This world revolves around you. The women aren't "allowed" to have multiple partners, and you're not willing to allow another man into this poly relationship. You sacrifice very little. Meanwhile this all started because your wife was sick, foolishly gave her blessing to sleep around in front of her face, and all your actions since then have been about supporting YOUR needs. This isn't a true poly situation in that it's totally focused on whatever choices you make, and all others are expected to adapt. YOUR wife. YOUR girlfriends. YOUR house. That's a very tough pill to swallow.
But you didn't create this life in a vacuum. For whatever reason your wife married a man she knew wasn't monogamous, and she's stuck by you. That is her choice, and she has to accept the consequences of that. Your girlfriends seems to be perfectly fine with having trespassed on a marriage, and is now literally apart of that marriage. There doesn't seem to be a lot of functional choices coming out here. All of you seem to be really crippled in some way.
Good luck. I mean that. I don't believe in mindlessly attacking people. You could be, in other ways, a great person, even if I strongly disagree with your choices. I hope, in the end, there is peace, love, and some kind of true enlightenment for all of you. For your sake, and the kids'.
Your posts are very thoughtful. I enjoy reading them.
29Likes
Re: My unconventional marriage 
