General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
You and your spouse are drinking wine and watching tv in bed. You fall asleep and the wine spills in your lap and some gets on the sheets. How does your spouse react? Posted via Mobile Device
You and your spouse are drinking wine and watching tv in bed. You fall asleep and the wine spills in your lap and some gets on the sheets. How does your spouse react? Posted via Mobile Device
Considering I once threw up over the bed during a drunken encounter many years ago and he laughed and cleaned it up - probably nothing more than oops and leave it to clean til next day. Posted via Mobile Device
lol I've both spilled drinks in the bed(when drunk) and upchucked all over the bed and myself before.. my hubby just cleaned it up then brought me to the shower cleaned me up then carried me back to bed and tucked me in. (after putting clean bedding back on the bed that is)
I can say that if it were me, I would, while trying not to wake my wife, set the glass on the nightstand, get a towel, blot up what I could of the spill, and help change the sheets in the morning.
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So anger and being told to clean, spot treat and hand wash is not normal?
QUOTE=Posse;725817]I can say that if it were me, I would, while trying not to wake my wife, set the glass on the nightstand, get a towel, blot up what I could of the spill, and help change the sheets in the morning.[/QUOTE] Posted via Mobile Device
Yes. Once he came home from work late (midnight) and I was sleeping. I apparently didn't pick up my son's spill well enough and he woke me up and wanted me to go scrub it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Posse
No, not normal. My reply would be, "If you want it cleaned up so badly do it your own damned self. What in the hell is your problem?"
If you are regularly getting that kind of treatment, you need to immediately stop putting up with it. Getting ordered around like that is abusive.
I spilled coffee in my bed once, and hid it from the ex husband because I knew he would kick the ****outa me. He discovered it while I was at work and I was scared to death to come home. He was very angry, and notice I said EX.
Under what other circumstances are you subjected to anger? That behavior is abusive. was there name calling also? Was this an isolated incident? How long haveyou been together? Posted via Mobile Device
Well we've been to therapy and he's improved. In fact we almost split recently but he agreed to therapy again. He tries but then screws up. He surprised me by making reservations for dinner last night. But on the way he asked me to get my iPhone map out. I tried telling him how to go (as he asked) and then he started disagreeing with me. So much so he almost ran off the highway so he could search for his own map. When I shrieked he got mad but we were about to have an accident!
Then when he realized my directions were right he just said "this is the long way... I'll never do this again". I was like... Hello. Talk to GPS... Not my fault!
It just ruined the entire dinner for me. Just really unpleasant.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsamazing
I spilled coffee in my bed once, and hid it from the ex husband because I knew he would kick the ****outa me. He discovered it while I was at work and I was scared to death to come home. He was very angry, and notice I said EX.
Under what other circumstances are you subjected to anger? That behavior is abusive. was there name calling also? Was this an isolated incident? How long haveyou been together? Posted via Mobile Device
There isn't any name calling but he is always riding me. He snapped at me for taking off the plastic from my microwave meal this AM. "I told you, you aren't supposed to remove that". Just little things that I wonder about.... Is that normal?
TE=tacoma;725892]She'd wake me, move my sleeping ass to the couch while she stripped the bed and put fresh sheets on it Posted via Mobile Device[/QUOTE] Posted via Mobile Device
I can understand annoyance, you're settling in to go to bed and now you gotta get up, strip the bed, remake the bed, perhaps they were expensive, silk, etc..
Asking you to wash and spot treat them is fair enough.
All of this snapping and rudeness is a result of a lack of self discipline, apreciation for another, and respect for another. Throw in a heavy does of taking someone for granted.
I had been single (wounded badly) after my ex. It gave me much time to reflect. What I came up with was this: Why would I treat my girlfriend, s/o, wife with any less respect than I treat my mother? My mom is an angel, but drives me to distraction sometimes! I moved in with her for a while after dad passed to help out. And the loss of my own place kind of got to me. I had no space, could not find things of mine, etc. Being an organized person, this was brutal. And I'd get upset. I would NEVER, EVER let her see it or disrespect her. This is leading somewhere....
I had a thought, "why can't I take that same respect, appreciation and courtesy into a relationship? Why, just because you sleep and live with someone, should that give you a reason to snap over silly crap? Or take a bad day out on someone? Or call them a name?
Those thoughts has served me and my relationships well, and I've never done it again. I also won't tolerate it. There were times early on in dating my wife when she would get snippy. I would stop what I was doing and just stand there and look at her. When she'd finally notice, I'd say something to the effect of "are you ready to get out of marriage mode now, because I'm not your ex husband". Or "When you're ready to stop taking your bad day out on me, we'll talk. Until then, I've got better things to do."
My buddy has troubles with this. I explained it to him like this: If the cap is off the toothpaste. I put it back on. Wow, there went 2 seconds of my life! If she leaves a half filled coffee cup on the counter (a daily occurrence that irks me a bit), I wash it and put it up. Another 10 seconds of my life gone. Versus what? Arguing for hours over something so minor? But there is a line between an irksome habit, and disrespectful or insensitive behavior. Disrespectful behavior is never just brushed off.
Again, has served me so well. The W said a couple weeks back "I've never in my life even approached a relationship that was so steady and calm, yet on the other hand so exciting and emotional in such great ways". She long ago understood what I was doing, and followed suit.
I told her then that I do not ever want to throw that first snowball that eventually starts down that hill, gaining speed and size, until it's a hurtling behemoth of destruction with no chance of stopping. I'm not throwing the snowball. I will argue and stand my ground when it's needed and without hesitation, but I respect her, cherish her, and will not treat her badly. There has never been name calling...not a single time...in our relationship. Arguments are about resolving the situation, not "one upping" or trying to hurt the other. If it starts to go there, argument is PUT ON HOLD IMMEDIATELY. If something is starting to bother me, I talk about it, then and there, before it festers into resentment or anger. At first she didn't understand this and felt like "I feel like I can't do anything right". It took a few times of explaining my mentality about this to her before she caught on. Now she knows. And a funny thing happened....she's become extraordinarily confident. All her little insecurities when we met are all but gone. And she feels like she can virtually do no wrong with me! And, she is right. And I appreciate every minute of it, and show her so.
It is about the mutual respect. I will respect who I'm with, and in return demand the same (where I've earned it). If that's not there, it's just not going to end well, so better to end it sooner than later.
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How would you handle this accident? 
