Sorry you are having to deal with this. At this point you shouldn't be worried about making her mad. I had that mindset in the beginning also. That only hampered things and kept me in denial.
My estranged husband used to tell me he was hanging out with Wayne, Steve, or his parents. In reality he was with Susan, Jackie, Amanda, etc. Being naive and in denial, that worked for a while. But, then it caught up with him. While at our son's graduation with my in-laws, my MIL told my husband he really needed to visit more often. What?! I thought he spent last weekend with you?! Whoops! The cat was out of the bag. Give Shelly a call and ask to speak to your wife--for starters.
Next, you probably need to get more sophisticated. Either get a PI or check into GPS, key loggers, and voice activated recorders. If you look around in the infidelity section, you'll find a lot of discussions on "do it yourself" detective work.
Call Shelly and ask for your wife. Say you think her cellphone is off and you have a question to ask her.
When your wife isn't with Shelly, call your wife and act like you've not called Shelly if it comes up. Listen to the background while tslking to your wife.
Now here is the thing you do next. From skype or somethining that you can hide your number on, call the OM phone. Listen for the ringing over the phone with your wife.
This will tell you if he is there. Even better of he picks up since you'll be able to hear both sides.
If this happens, I would call her out on the phone. Usually I suggest holding off and building a case, but you might just be able to cut their meeting up short if you call her out tonight. Posted via Mobile Device
I just can't beleive she would do this knowing that she lectured our daughter not six months ago and she told her she would blister her ass if she did anything like cheating while living under our roof. I really appriciate everyone letting me vent. I litteraly have no one and if she is cheating I may not even have a wife or home
Thats what sucks about a spouse having opposit sex friends, when it does go EA then PA it takes more digging. Other wise its just explained away and the betrayed is labed jealous, controling, and just plain crazy.
OP has his work cut out, but from the sounds of it he will confront any way and it may take weeks for him to understand my point, while the affiar continues. At least in my case.
You can only be told so many times "that nothing is going on" before you go colvert and get the smoking gun.