Alone and Confused
My husband and I have been struggling to maintain our marriage. We got married almost one year ago and it has been a very rough journey. My only family is 5000 miles away and he speaks to his sisters every once in a while on the phone. We moved to a new location soon after we got married, bought a second house together (he still has a home from his first marriage which he is renting), and we both began new jobs. He constantly is worried about money and we are living pay check to pay check. He tells me I need to make more money. I work 100+ hours a week at my current job, cook, clean, make dinner. He works hard and has several good jobs. He tells me the household things are just chores. He has been discounting by telling me he "does not get angry", speaks in a monotone voice, and has a flat affect which is causing me to blow out and raise my voice because I feel as though I can not get through to him. He will be blocking and diverting during an argument and turn the conversation into a fight about something not relevant to the original argument. He will nit-pick on the tiniest, stupidest things, and make me feel like an idiot. It seemed like he enjoyed pointing out my shortcomings and mistakes. When I get angry I try to keep a level head but he will push me and push me until I blow up, then he usually sits down and speaks to me in a monotone voice not showing any emotion. At times I have to leave the conversation because I get so heated. He has told me that was "sticking my head in the sand". Recently I discovered him txting his ex-wife. They have children together and I was told speak every now and then about the kids. He talks to his kids once a day every day. On the txt messages I saw, he was reminiscing about a town they use to live in saying "good memories there", asking about why she moved out of state when they divorced, telling her it would be nice to live close to the kids again, asking her why she did not dance with him. I asked him why he did these things and he said it was to see if there were similarities in their past that relate to our present arguments. He tells me he does not want to be with her again. We have talked in the past, I was not ready for kids, he was ok with that. He is very strict with his children and I have a hard time being around them together because it makes me nervous, sad, and anxious if he is yelling at them or giving them spankings. Recently he has told me he will "never get me pregnant because he does not ever want me to be the mother of his children". He thinks I hate his kids, I do not, I hate how he treats them when they are together. I am alone, have no one to talk to, and am very confused.