I verbally and physically abuse my husband - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-17-2009, 03:07 PM Thread Starter
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I verbally and physically abuse my husband

We have been married for 6 years and Iím not sure that we will make to 7, we married way to young and we donít have kids. I think my husband doesnít really like my personality. He complains that I am not fun to be around. I donít have many friends (neither does he which I think he blames me for) He uses hints, to criticize how I dress, how other women do a better job at decorating the house, cooking or just having a smart conversation. This hurts me deeply. I feel his embarrassed of me.
Usually, Iím quiet and submissive. If he does something to irritate me I bottle up my feelings. The main problem lays when I cannot hold those feelings back anymoreóI explode. I use bad language, call him names and throw things at him. I go from being passive to aggressive in a matter of seconds. I donít know how to handle or improve my irrational behavior. He says he doesnít want to put up with my issues anymore. He doesnít want to spend his life with a person like me. I see anger and hate in his eyesÖI have no emotional support or people to confide in.
Please help me what should I do?

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-17-2009, 03:33 PM
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Re: I verbally and physically abuse my husband

Hello and welcome.

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. If he won't listen, the marriage counseling books do come in hard back
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-17-2009, 03:33 PM
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Re: I verbally and physically abuse my husband

well its no wonder you H feels the way he does.
my ex was the same and it took a huge toll on me physically and emotionally.
it takes you down. it took me 10 yrs after my ex and i split for me to say i was attractive. he would call me fat , ugly, etc etc. amongst a few other choice words.
i'l b honest im glad i left my ex - i had a new life after i went.
but with my 2nd H ive had issue of aggressive nature.
my only suggestion is finally my H went to his GP and diagnosed him as having depression.
he was given medication that had a great response.
and later he came of it and has been better in the aggressive dep ever since.
atleast your acknowledgin your weaknessess. that takes alot of courage.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-17-2009, 06:43 PM
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Re: I verbally and physically abuse my husband

I understand that you feel bad when he calls you names, but don't bottle up your feelings, they all come out out at once in a wave of agression, tell him to respect you and then you can respect him back by not having outbursts. I always think the relationship has no future when it comes to not respecting each other. At least you don't have children. My husband has agressive outbursts, I don't call him names but he's so passive most of the time, feels bad because I'm working and he's not, but he doesn't really want to get a job, otherwise he would, he's a capable and intelligent man. I feel like crap when he pushes/hits me but it doesn't happen very often and I know he restrains himself and could go a lot further...so I just stay and feel like ****e for a few days because the children need their father!
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-17-2009, 10:16 PM
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Re: I verbally and physically abuse my husband

well, he's hurting you, constantly telling you that you don't measure up and then you're finally exploding and letting it all out, and doing it in the wrong way.

Just try to talk to him, and tell him how much he hurts you when he tells you that nothing you do is ever right. And when you do get upset next time, just walk away, count to 100, take a nice cold glass of water.... just learn to control your anger, and pain.

You are lashing out at him, because he's making you feel like you're low, and useless. But it's still no excuse for that kind of thing.... and if he did it to you, you'd be outta there.

Are you two really that well suited together, in terms of personalities? I would say if you can't resolve this , with some counseling, then I'd move on.
It does take a lot of courage to say what you said.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-18-2009, 03:10 PM
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Re: I verbally and physically abuse my husband

I agree with them.. talk to him about it. And don't bottle up your feelings, when he said or do something that irritates you, talk to him.. a good communication never fails, and of course respect to one another.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-18-2009, 04:35 PM
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Re: I verbally and physically abuse my husband

welcome to the club smith. i have the same problem. ive never actually thrown anything at my H, though. just broke his dvds and scratched up his car.

I noticed that you mentioned what he is doing to you, first. Maybe you know this, but what he does never justifies what you are doing.

And it really has nothing to do with what he's doing to you. It has to do with how you view yourself in the situation.

The solution, for me, was not to go talk to my H, but to learn to see myself differently in the situation. And to be able to see his side of things. Seeing his side of things does not give me sympathy, or anything like that, it helps me be able to separate myself from what his thoughts are creating. I needed to learn what i needed to do for myself on a day to day basis so my emotions didnt get that out of control, and so i wasnt so emotionally enmeshed with my H. I went to counseling, read books, and my H and I do boundary books together.

"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie
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