Im starting to feel like a rag doll with my emotions. One second I love her to death the next second I cant stand her.
(Nutshell story) She cheated, I stayed. We are "working" on it.
Ok so its been a year since i found out. Hardest damn year of my life. She was going back and forth between me and the other guy. Became the greatest doormat known to man. Then we started counseling. Ive found out alot about myself. Some good. Alot bad.
So we are supose to be building back trust. Again hard. I love her so much but I hate what she put me through. I started reading THE LOVE DARE. Im on day 21. I was actually enjoying doing it. So heres the problem.
Last week her phone messed up she went and got another phone. The old phone stayed home. She calls me at work and tells me that her mother inlaw found out her father was cheating on her. I can feel her pain naturally. I just saw them the other day and things looked great. I can see that she loves him. (Im kinda envious). So after the convo finishes my mind goes into overtime. And b4 I knew it I was in that phone. Things have been going good up until that point.
What I find made me sick. Not to mention I was feeling sick already. She was texting him. When I ask her about it she swears up and down she doesnt know what im talking about. This pisses me off to all hell. Im like its been a year why am I still dealing with this crap. When she gets home shes pissed that I looked in the phone
I could care less. We talk the next day. I sat down and spoke. No screaming just talked. When I was done we were both crying. Nothing seemed solved to me. She said she was wrong for texting him but it was just that time. It seems that dude ran his mouth to his friend at work and his friend tried to talk to her. She said she was pissed and text him about it. Now I dont know about yall but heres where I see it going. If not by now very soon everyone will know what happen and that same situation will happen again. Y? Because she now has the rep of being loose. Which she swears she didnt sleep with him...
The next day we tried to make things good. I was still going by the book. Monday we had sex. I ended up telling her that night that our sex live was boring. I know in part to what was going on but I swear it actually felt like work
I ask her how she felt about it. She said she was fine and she liked it. When talking a little bit more she tells me it could be better also. Then we have a discussion on how to make things better.
Now Im second guessing every damn thing that she says. She keeps her ring on and seems like she wants to be with me. I just dont know if thats what my heart wants me to see or if its actually whats going on.
Now we gotta go to counseling and I gotta go through all this again.
Im just getting tired of the same crap. I dont believe in divorce or giving up. I just want her to act right. Seems selfish but Im tired of being the victim. I wanna be loved too.
Fearing the outcome of Counseling today 
