05-09-2012, 02:38 AM
Join Date: May 2012
| | Young and Unhappy
I guess I am just looking for advice and might as well start from the begining. I come from a strict muslim family who forbid from dating and I did anyway. Last year I began dating my now husband in secret, eventually the relationship was brought to the attention of my parents and I was kicked out for having sex with him. I ended up living in a basement of one my husband's "friends" who hated me for 3 months during the summer, sleeping on a twin mattress on the floor. Prior to sleeping with my husband and being kicked out I found at that when we were fighting early into our relationship a person I thought was a boy turned out to be a girl. It then came out that he had been talking to her for months.. I let it go because I was in love and decided to stay with him and lose my virginity to him. Flashfoward to living in the basement and I find out from his friend that he had been calling that girl a spare tire and that he would be with her if she had not blown him off. Basically he had a secret relationship for the majority of the time we were dating. If that wasn't enough , he said I shouldn't be mad because it wasn't cheating. I was heartbroken but was stuck in a bad situation , I didn't have anywhere to go and I blew off my parents for him. I spent the whole summer crying and being angry. During the summer I started to notice that we began having violent encounters over the cheating and any other arguments we got into. I ignorned it again because of the situation I was in. At the almost end of August I began talking to my parents again who encouraged me to marry my husband. I wanted to tell them about what he had been doing , but I just couldn't. I went ahead and married him in Islamic Marriage. After we got married the relationship continued to be violent.. I told my parents and they encouraged me to leave, but I just couldn't. Around my birthday his bank statements from his bank came to our house because he closed his account and joined mine , along with his cell phone statements because of him changing to my plan. I found out that not only had there been 1 girl, there was two. He spent a month and half talking to another girl he on an online dating site and even took her on a date to a resturant and the botanic gardens. When I confronted him he told me I was crazy , he finally fessed up and blamed the whole thing on me. I was devasted and still am. I felt like our whole relationship was built on lies and he wasn't faithful to me from day one. He talked to the first girl a month after we started dating, and the second after the first one up until I slept with him and got kicked out of my house. I gave him a month to see if we could make the marriage work and in that month I caught him lying and he was violent. Now it is 9 months into the relationship and I am so unhappy. I feel trapped , angry , and embarassed. I go to school full-time and I have had the worst two semesters I have ever had. Caused by all night fighting and violence. Just last week , we got into a fight and I said a bunch of mean stuff and he proceeded to throw bottles at me bruising my arm pretty bad. This isn't the first time he has hitten me and then promised he was wrong and would never do it again. When I started crying he told me I deserved it. Everything is my fault he manuplitates every situation and blames me for all of our problems. I feel sad and hurt because of the cheating and don't know why I stay. I feel like I can't take another school year of staying up all night and fighting and being controlled. I currently don't work because he embarrassed me at work and wasn't being put on the schedule. Since I am out of school , I am just bored and in the house all the time. He controls everything I do and treats me with constant suspicion when I never cheated on him. I am 21 and I feel like I did something very stupid and I am not sure how to get out. Because of the stress and the constant fighting, I started cutting myself to deal with everything. He makes fun of me for the cutting and anything else wrong with me. He blames his crappy behavior on an ex girlfriend who treated him like crap right before he ated me. I used to believe him until we both found out she died and he went to her apartment and told the guy he caught her cheating on him with sorry. I was upset and that was another massive fight and ended in violence. I feel as if I am losing myself. I don't feel the same anymore or do anything I used to like. When I tried to talk to him he fakes like he cares but never tries to do anything. Instead he focuses on the fact that I never like to do anything with him that he likes to do. I just feel hopeless and I am grateful to any of you that have read this. Any advice would be great
Last edited by funlovingnadee; 05-09-2012 at 03:04 AM.