General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
For me, when we are having the sex 3-4 times a week, I stay happy. Add another day of sex in there (if she is happy about that) and I will even scrub the toilets (all three of them) with a smile on my face.
Why hasn't my wife learned that by now?
Preach brother AG...Preach that good word. My wife needs to hear.
Could it be something as simple as he is just turning into a d!ck?
I would hate to think that a guy can just become a d!ck, for no reason, to his wife after 8 years of marriage (or 5 years when this fussing started). If that's the case, then she should plan to just divorce or deal with his grumpiness. Neither of those sound like fun choices to me.
since the birth of my son. The first year with our son was hard, but I felt like we had sorted it out. I am now 5 months pregnant with our 2nd (A little girl).
I challenge any man on this forum to tell me they were never grumpy during their wife's second pregnancy. We need to accept that hormonal fluctuations and the arrival of a new child with a second coming right up is going to cause some emotional stress. Sometimes the most we can do is to do our best not to make things any worse
Could it be something as simple as he is just turning into a d!ck?
Yeah, one of my girlfriends say's it has something with having children and being in our 30's. "We become our parents"- My husband's father is kind of a ****. My Hubby even says all he remembers from growing up is his dad being "grumpy". And I see him get grumpy with my son. It really worries me that this is how he thinks he needs to be as a father, & husband.
His parents divorced after 27 years of marriage - dad cheated - a few times.
My parents have been married for 35 years. So I grew up with and expect a different kind of relationship. I want to sit down every night and have dinner together. To him this is not a big deal. They didn't do this growing up. Actually when I first started dating him he would eat his dinner standing up hovering over the trash can. It was odd to me.
I really worry that we just want different things, or expect different things from our marriage.
He doesn't tell me things, like he got a big bonus at work, but instead of sharing this news he hides the money, spends over a thousand dollars on a new bike for his workout - though he told me less - I looked the bike up and realized he spent much more. When I ask about how he paid for it, he says well I was going to get the nursery furniture for our new little one as a surprise, and maybe that's true... and he did buy the furniture, but why be dishonest about the bike. We both work, and make good money, and he deserves to spend some of that money on himself. I would not have stopped him. I just spent a small fortune on Maternity clothes, but was up front and honest about it. He has had job offers come in, and again does not share this information. It's like he is afraid I will influence his decisions, but as his wife, would he not want my influence. In the heat of the fight I asked him "have I ever held you back or made you do something you didn't want to do" his answer was NO! but yet he treats me like the enemy. Why wouldn't he want my influence, and as his partner shouldn't I be involved in these decisions... like new jobs and spending large amounts of money.
I want to be his partner.
I get the "have sex" argument, but we "have sex" 1-2 times a week after I initiate it.
And to be honest it does feel like a chore, but I have to say I am not interested in having sex with someone who excludes me from every other part of his life. THE ONLY TIME HE COMPLEMNTS ME IS DURING SEX. This feeds all kinds of resentment. I have gotten to where it's a turn off when he calls me sexy, or pretty during sex - because I never hear it otherwise.
He is so blocked off, quiet, distant.. I don't know. Has counseling worked for any of you all?
And to be honest it does feel like a chore, but I have to say I am not interested in having sex with someone who excludes me from every other part of his life. THE ONLY TIME HE COMPLEMNTS ME IS DURING SEX. This feeds all kinds of resentment. I have gotten to where it's a turn off when he calls me sexy, or pretty during sex - because I never hear it otherwise.
He is so blocked off, quiet, distant.. I don't know. Has counseling worked for any of you all?
Tell him that... Let him know how it makes you feel.
Counseling helped for my H and myself, and we had a fabulous counselor. It really opened up our lines of communication. We both were "forced" to be accountable for our marriage and improving it.... If something happened during the week that upset either of us, we could bring it up during our next appointment and talk it through. I think it's a good idea for you and your H, if both of you are willing to work on things... But your H has to acknowledge there is a problem first, does he?
I want to be his partner.
I get the "have sex" argument, but we "have sex" 1-2 times a week after I initiate it.
I don't think it's enough.
Sex is intimacy for a man. If you give him what he needs he'll return it to you.
I think some of his other behavior is a direct result of not getting his needs met. He's not willing to meet yours any more than you are willing to meet his. Does that make sense?
Sex is intimacy for a man. If you give him what he needs he'll return it to you.
I think some of his other behavior is a direct result of not getting his needs met. He's not willing to meet yours any more than you are willing to meet his. Does that make sense?
I'm beginning to think that this has little to do with it, when they do have sex the 1/2 times a week, she initiates it. She's not turning him down when he asks, it sounds like he doesn't ask... She is not starving him sexually, 1-2 times/week sounds pretty good in my book... And she can't meet his needs with the way he is acting... She said it herself and I believe her, I have been there. It's hard to lay down with someone who otherwise treats you like crap. They need counseling, her H needs to open up to her and tell her what is bothering him.
I'm beginning to think that this has little to do with it, when they do have sex the 1/2 times a week, she initiates it. She's not turning him down when he asks... She is not starving him sexually, 1-2 times/week sounds pretty good in my book... And she can't meet his needs with the way he is acting... She said it herself and I believe her, I have been there. It's hard to lay down with someone who otherwise treats you like crap. They need counseling, her H needs to open up to her and tell her what is bothering him.
Stonewalling one another isn't solving the problem is it?
And because SHE thinks 1-2 times is plenty, its very possible to HIM it is not.
It's attention he's seeking. Maybe she spends most of it tending to her child, which theres nothing wrong with, but he may be feeling neglected in many areas because of it. It happens.
Counseling could be helpful, but only if he's willing to participate.
And I see him get grumpy with my son. It really worries me that this is how he thinks he needs to be as a father, & husband.
Please don't worry about this. Accept him for who he is and make sure he knows that you are there to support him as he learns to shoulder his growing responsibilities.
Counseling couldn't hurt but I think your husband could really use a good friend or someone who's "been there" to help him develop into his role as husband and father
I think you are doing an exceptional job under the circumstances. There will be plenty enough time in the future for you two to work though the baggage from your families of origin
You can't control the thoughts and actions of other people.
Do what is within your control. If you're doing something over and over again that's not working, then change it up. Waiting for your partner to make the first move is a passive aggressive way to tackle an issue. Take the lead and 9 times out of 10, they'll follow it.
No I am not sure he thinks there is a problem. He thinks I just react to his moods, then if he sits quiet and waits a few days I will get over it, but then we have the same fight again next week.
I have told him how I feel. I have done it calmly, during good and bad times. Nothing is changing.
After the birth of our son, we had a really bad patch. After a big fight, I think I discovered he was feeling left out. I had tunnel vision about the baby, and stopped giving him attention. So I tried to make sure I concentrated on stuff for just us - minus kids.
But now I don't know. I invite him to lunch, dinners out, plans with friends. He NEVER plans evenings with me. If he has spare time - he works out and gets grumpy if he has to drop his kid off at school, or meet me for a chore if in interferes with his workout schedule.
But he was a joint member and a driving force in the decision to have a family. I guess he just expects me to do it, along with my 40+ work hour week.
I don't know if I should bring this up, it was 3 years ago, but right after our son was born, I say we had a bad patch - basically I caught him FB messaging a woman at his work. They wern't horrible messages, but they were secret and crossed a few lines. After I found out he stoped and I have no reason to think anything more of it. But I have to say lately, with all his grumpyness it brings that time back in my mind. I feel like that's when he stopped "liking" me... and I am not sure he has ever gotten back to liking me. He says he loves me, I have asked if he wants to split or take a break, he says no. But then he only acts annoyed with me.
After the birth of our son, we had a really bad patch. After a big fight, I think I discovered he was feeling left out. I had tunnel vision about the baby, and stopped giving him attention. So I tried to make sure I concentrated on stuff for just us - minus kids
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Re: The same fight - Every Night! 
