I accepted his proposal, but we're both young.

Relationship Coach · 05-11-2012, 05:02 PM

Here's the deal -- older people telling you you're too young only goes so far. We all know you're too young, not because it won't necessarily work out, but because it's unlikely and you could just wait. Just have a long engagement, or live together, or whatever.

But you're the only one who can make the choice. You're asking for a reason, what do you think the reason is?

lovelygirl · 05-11-2012, 05:16 PM

OMG! Stay away from marriage for a while!!!!
You're too young, you have a lot of growing to do - especially mentally.
As the years go by, you might realise he's not the man for you or that he took each other's youth away.

You'll meet other people along the way and you might fall out of love with him because life is long and you'll change.
You're growing up, you're just a teenager and marriage should not be an option for now.

I'd suggest you live with this guy though. Try to learn more about him and see if that will lead you to marry him.

MrsKy · 05-11-2012, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hope1964

I have an 18 year old daughter and I will tell you the same thing I tell her.

DO NOT get married until you are at least 30, if ever.

There's no need. If you are meant to be together, you'll stay together. If you find yourselves still committed in 10 years or more, then consider it. But the chances of staying with the same guy you started going with at age 15 are practically nil.

The fact he doesn't want to live together first means that you are being pressured into something you KNOW you're not ready for. The fact you posted what you did proves that. Don't cave to the pressure. That would be a HUGE mistake.

2100 a month for two people? That alone shows that you are not ready for marriage, if you think you can live off of that.

that_girl · 05-11-2012, 07:25 PM

Wait until it's a happy occasion for the families. You won't regret waiting, but you could regret jumping into it.

Juliet17 · 05-12-2012, 12:13 AM

Wow, so much input to respond to. Thank you all! Hm.. well first things first, how much would you all expect it two cost for 2 people if a hotel is 750 per month and the college is close enough to walk to. I would assume 40$ in gas per week for each of us to get to our jobs as that is about what we each spend now and I live relatively far from one of my jobs right now.

I really don't feel as if I were being forced into anything, and it isn't that he wants to marry me just so that we can live together.

As for funds saved up, I have nearly 6500 right now, and he has 4800 as well as 2000 in a seperate account that his mother has put away for him for college. Thats about 13,000 all together, which would be enough to live off of for a few months, although it is doubtful that we would both lose our jobs at the same time.

And I do love him, I really do.. but at the same time, I agree with all of you. I know that chances are, we will both be different people in a few years. We will both grow, but whether we grow together or grow apart? Only time can tell. Perhaps I ought to tell him that I'd like to hold off for a year or two and see where we're at when we're 20..

Such a difficult decision, I'm not sure I can decide so quickly, though or by myself... Hence why I went searching for advice and found this forum.

MrsKy · 05-12-2012, 10:29 AM

We're glad to offer our opinion if it helps you.

Thanks for being mature about receiving advice. Some younger members get very rude and snippy when they don't read what they want.

I like the idea of having a long engagement.

norajane · 05-12-2012, 10:55 AM

Quote:

And I do love him, I really do.. but at the same time, I agree with all of you. I know that chances are, we will both be different people in a few years. We will both grow, but whether we grow together or grow apart?

I don't understand why the rush to marry. If you yourself are uncertain and it's a difficult decision, then WAIT! When in doubt, don't!

The fact that you already accepted his proposal, but are having second thoughts is a good enough reason to postpone getting married.

The fact that you "hardly ever fight" is also reason to wait. You don't know how strong a relationship is until you've had some major disagreements about something significant where both of you are fully entrenched in opposite perspectives - how you handle significant conflict is a big part of success in a marriage, or failure.

Marriage is a HUGE responsibility. I don't know why you would take on that kind of responsibility without more life experience and more LIVING, learning and discovering behind you.

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby · 05-12-2012, 11:12 AM

My MIL met my FIL at the age of 15. They were instantly best of friends. As soon as they turned 18 they married. They've had a lifetime together. Now they are in their 80's and still going strong.

I've heard of many other stories about people having a wonderful marriage even though they married at a young age.

If your not ready, stay engaged for a few years.

My daughter is 18 and she has a very nice and loving bf. He treats her like my husband treats me. They've talked about getting married, but after they both finish college. I one day hope to see them married.

Stonewall · 05-12-2012, 11:29 AM

I was 17 and my wife was 16 when we got married. Pleaseeeeeee don't do this yet. Don't get me wrong, we are still together after 35 years and we dated almost 2 years before marring but our first 12 years was constantly in the danger zone. I love her more now than ever but to make it work I had to suck it up and take a lot that a lot of men wouldnt have.

If you are in love that much now then you will be later as well. You have so much life experience yet unfulfilled and you need that life experience to really put a lot of things in proper perspective.

All that being said, I have no doubt you will do it anyway. So I hope the best for you and please bookmark this site. We can be helpful in the future.