Re: Do marriage counselors ever tell a couple they are better off to split up??
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Seeking individual counseling is a good idea, although I'm pretty sure I know why I have tolerated this situation so long. It's simply because I wanted a stable family life for my children until they were grown and because I did not want to face the humiliation of getting a divorce. I had naively hoped that we would begin to connect as a couple once the kids were out of the house. It hasn't happened of course, and I think things are worse now that we don't have kids to focus our energy on.
I'm also seeking an MC, not for permission to end the marriage, but because I promised my daughter I would do so. Interestingly, she did not say we should see a councilor to fix our marriage, but rather because she says we are both great parents and deserve to be happy. I think she senses that the odds of a reconciliation are not good. I think my daughter's generation is a lot more practical and uninhibited with regards to relationship issues.
I also want to give the relationship one last chance with the help of an outsider, but I want an honest assessment if this is practical. I also would like to know what i have done, that in her mind at least has caused her to resent me so. I'm sure i have my faults, but they are not obvious to me. I have a very stable job, make good money, I even run a side business to bring in extra income. I don't drink to access, I don't gamble and i have never cheated on her ever. I'm not abusive in any way that I recognize. certainly not physically abusive, i don't ever belittle her, talk bad about her in public or to our children. I learned recently from my son, that she did not show me the same respect and tried to get him to side with her by talking down about me. I've tried many times over the years to get her to talk to me about how she feels, but can't get her to open up. If I have some destructive behavior that hurt our marriage I want to know about it or I doomed to always continue this behavior or carry it over into any new relationship if we split.
Anyway, thanks to all of your that took time to reply. I will proceed with MC and go from there. Which leads me to another question, but that is for another thread.