General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Julia... i am a big fan of "picking your battles"... you're picking a fight about dog treats. if you think you and your hubs have major problems then dont post about dog treats.
in my head... kids suck... they need everything from their parents. why would anyone want to come home to neediness? i would have done the exact same thing.. take care of the baby that might actually appreciate it.
plus.. if all you have is a check list for him when he gets home.. then why would he be rushing home to do that crap?
i understand being sick sucks... but geez... march through it. expect more from your kids instead of your husband. if he works more than he's obvisouly working more. my hubs works at least double what i do.. and i understand that. but picking up slack at home isnt a reason for divorce. if you want equality then work more and hire a nanny.
What? Their kids are 2 and 4. What exactly is she supposed to expect from them? They didn't ask to be born and they certainly didn't ask to be put second to a dog, which is what your post seems to be implying. Take care of a baby that will appreciate it? You would have pissed around buying dog treats for an hour while your sick spouse looked after two pre-schoolers? Nice priorities. Don't have kids.
OP, your husband sounds like a damaged, emotionally shut-down man. MEM has some great advice, as do lots of other posters here. I'm just going to wish you luck and really hope that these steps you are taking have good, lasting effect. Posted via Mobile Device
[QUOTE=cory275;743271]Julia... i am a big fan of "picking your battles"... you're picking a fight about dog treats. if you think you and your hubs have major problems then dont post about dog treats.
QUOTE]
Oh for goodness sakes..... this 'battle' isn't about the stupid dog treats.
It's about the facts that she rang him sick and upset and begged him to come home straight away...and he chose to go shopping instead.
It's about the facts that she rang him sick and upset and begged him to come home straight away...and he chose to go shopping instead.
yes, thank you! It's not about the damn treats! He often will take his time shopping and strolling after work- and I don't' care. I want him to unwind! He takes the dog for an hour walk after work and I don't mind. ON this day- I needed him. I had 100+ fever and couldn't stand up while a 2 & 4 year old ran around!
And I don't have a checklist for him when I get off work.
He has done this before- bailed when I needed him. This is why I was pissed.
Julia P, I've read many of your posts and I am heartbroken by them.
If you are telling the truth here is my take. But first a little bit of back information. I've been involved in a few relationships in which the only reason they kept moving was because of complacency. In all truth, I had no love, desire, or any emotion left for the woman any longer. I eventually went on to despise everything about them.
While I don't know 100% of the details of your marriage, to me it sounds like your husband has checked out long ago. As have you.
My advice: Prepare for divorce. Because I know for a fact, there is a wonderful man out there who will give you everything your current "husband" is not.
From what I've read, your husband does not even sound like a friend.
We cannot choose who we fall in love with, and we cannot choose when we fall out of love with someone. But we can choose when we decide to end a non fulfilling emotionally taxing and draining relationship.
The talk he says about having a fear of loss is him trying to manipulate you, and use mind games to control you and make you stay with him.
I hope you are wrong- but I appreciate the input. He is very manipulative and he knows and admits it. I think- my husband is very damaged from childhood, and he was taught to put himself first as a protective measure. To keep a distance, because this is safer. For all I know, he might be out as well. Maybe in some way, I will be comforted to know that I am not the only one suffering through this- Because it does suck!
Note: His apologetic behavior continues. Besides taking the kids yesterday, he then took me out to dinner, and took me to see a movie, my choice. At night at bed he crossed his leg over mine (usually I put mine over his first). The in the morning, he woke me up with an oral alarm ( I'll let you guess what that is!!). Wow! Talk about sorry!
Thanks so much to all who have taught me to scale back my complacency. I see that all my words-he never understood. But he does understand actions, and then he apologizes with actions.!
By the way julie we are men that way, I'm kinda that way. it is normal for men to do so, but the only different is that my wife does not work. and i cant handle two kids at the same time alone.
so no more cheating thoughts after what he did. we men are stupid and easy to control.
we are easy going, but you have to know how to control a man. men love woman with strong personality.
All men can take two kids out together (or more). Its hard and they don't LIKE to do that. When my kids were little, I went on a girlfriend retreat with college friends. It made my husband realize how hard taking care of kids are. When I came home he told me I was a goddess and how much work it was. Now, when I tell him I need help with the kids, he gets it, especially when I am sick like the OP.
I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old and have rarely taken them out by myself. Some men can do it. Some can't.
I can't. Sounds like your husband is trying though.
Some men can't? Why? Do their penises get in the way?
Anyone can do it. You're just choosing not too because it's hard and things don't always go to plan. There's nothing magical about managing more than one kid, if you care then you practice and it gets easier. Posted via Mobile Device
Some men can't? Why? Do their penises get in the way?
Anyone can do it. You're just choosing not too because it's hard and things don't always go to plan. There's nothing magical about managing more than one kid, if you care then you practice and it gets easier. Posted via Mobile Device
yeah, seriously! Some men 'can't'. The gig is up fellas, yes you can.
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