Originally Posted by youngstown
Yes this is just a small example of issues I have o/s. But it really does summarize my overall feelings at this point. To that extent, it makes no sense to me in my spouse's response. And it seems so far that most have agreed. I wasn't sure what others would think.
As to gender issues, I am sorry for my post confusion. I am a private person, and I tried to keep gender out of this. THere was no hidden agenda.
To me personally, it just seems odd that your #1 supporter won't do something as simple, in my mind, as staying over at my parents twice in a year. This has nothing to do with driving a standard! That is another issue. I am asking you to stay over at my parents twice in a year to make them happy, and me happy. You have refused for 10 years.
My spouse always thinks I am looking for perfection in a relationship. Maybe I am. But at least we can try for the best we can be. Meet each others needs the best we can. But when that mutual respect and effort erodes, well there is no where left to go but the big D.
I have had to reread the OP and many of your posts multiple times to wrap my head around it. To me, that indicates something is off here.
You've come to this platform looking for a sanity check. Or maybe to simply hear what you want to hear. Either way, you are withholding a lot of pertinent information. That's a sign of something.
I bring this up because I think that's germane to the answer to your question. "Are you crazy?" No, it doesn't seem like it. Nor do I think that's really a fair question to ask. But per your conflict with your "spouse," it's entirely dependent on a number of factors:
-how much do your parents want this?
-why do they want this? If it isn't healthy, it's necessarily good to enable it.
-how much do you want it for them based on how much they want it?
-All of that must be weighed against how much your "spouse" DOESN'T want it!
If it's a really big deal for him, why not respect that? If there are other issues beneath the surface here -- which I suspect there are based on how clandestine you are -- address those and not some trivial bit about a yearly sleepover.