Need your Vote!! Am I Crazy?

EleGirl · 06-01-2012, 01:58 AM

I think your husband is saying that your refusal to do what you wants you to do... which apparently means a lot to him is equivalent to his refusal to stay at your mom's.

Could you take a bus, or some other transportation up to visit your parents and spend the night. Then your husband can come up the next day to visit. Then he can drive the both of you home on the second day.

IMHO, he could compromise and stay there once or twice a year. It's about bonding with your parents.

Does he ever travel and stay in hotels?

Relationship Coach · 06-01-2012, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by youngstown

Yes this is just a small example of issues I have o/s. But it really does summarize my overall feelings at this point. To that extent, it makes no sense to me in my spouse's response. And it seems so far that most have agreed. I wasn't sure what others would think.

As to gender issues, I am sorry for my post confusion. I am a private person, and I tried to keep gender out of this. THere was no hidden agenda.

To me personally, it just seems odd that your #1 supporter won't do something as simple, in my mind, as staying over at my parents twice in a year. This has nothing to do with driving a standard! That is another issue. I am asking you to stay over at my parents twice in a year to make them happy, and me happy. You have refused for 10 years.

My spouse always thinks I am looking for perfection in a relationship. Maybe I am. But at least we can try for the best we can be. Meet each others needs the best we can. But when that mutual respect and effort erodes, well there is no where left to go but the big D.

I have had to reread the OP and many of your posts multiple times to wrap my head around it. To me, that indicates something is off here.

You've come to this platform looking for a sanity check. Or maybe to simply hear what you want to hear. Either way, you are withholding a lot of pertinent information. That's a sign of something.

I bring this up because I think that's germane to the answer to your question. "Are you crazy?" No, it doesn't seem like it. Nor do I think that's really a fair question to ask. But per your conflict with your "spouse," it's entirely dependent on a number of factors:

-how much do your parents want this?
-why do they want this? If it isn't healthy, it's necessarily good to enable it.
-how much do you want it for them based on how much they want it?
-All of that must be weighed against how much your "spouse" DOESN'T want it!

If it's a really big deal for him, why not respect that? If there are other issues beneath the surface here -- which I suspect there are based on how clandestine you are -- address those and not some trivial bit about a yearly sleepover.

Good luck.

butternutsquash · 06-01-2012, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by youngstown

So lots of issues o/s with my relationship, but this is one example that I really would appreciate your comments on. Trying to fiure out if I am out to lunch or not.

Have been married 10 years. My parents live one hour away from us. It means a lot to them to have us visit and stay overnight now and then. Therefore it means a lot to me.

During the 10 years of my marriage, we have never stayed overnight at my parents. My spouse states it is just as easy to come home, and they prefer to sleep in their own bed.

I understand it is an easy drive to us come home, but maybe twice a year or something it would be nice to stay over. I have made it clear many times to my spouse that it would mean a lot to me.

My spouse's rebuttal is that I have not put in any effort to learn to drive standard. My spouse's vehicle is standard and I do not drive it because of this. I have tried a few times to learn but never have got it down. My spouse believes it would be helpful from time to time for me to have the ability to drive their vehicle.

I feel bringing up the example of driving standard does not relate to staying over at my parents. It seems to me this is one of the few things my spouse can hold over me, and brings it up to rebut a few things. I just feel it does not hold the same weight of staying over at my parents. So am I crazy or do they have a solid rebuttal? Thanks!!!

Your not crazy. If this brothers you, you should try to discuss it non-emotionally and make both him and yourself stay on topic. Keep it concrete and do not let it devolve into a conversation about your relationship as a whole, principals, logic, or any other non sense. Just talk about the issue with your parents

swimmingaggie · 06-01-2012, 01:26 PM

Learn to drive a standard. It'll take a weeks tops. Then you both get what you want. Done and done