I feel guilty posting on this board, having never participated in the past, but I need some objective advice. Thank you in advance.
I have just been tempted more than ever before to be unfaithful in my marriage. I have never broken my vows and hope I never will, but it is becoming increasingly more difficult.
My problem is: I live in a sexless marriage – I mean like twice a year sexless. I believe that we both contribute to this situation, I just don’t know how to fix my contribution and I don’t know if my wife’s issue has a resolution.
When my wife and I first met and were married, things were great – relatively so. We were consistently active. Not as much as I would like but it was OK. She would do the “I’m tired” or “I have a headache” thing about half the time I was in the mood. Probably averaged once or twice a week.
Pretty rapidly after our first child, the “I’m tired” thing ruled our bedroom. I was understanding. I understood that things change dramatically when children are added to a home. We had a second child two years later only by planning and being very intentional. One of our better weeks – ever.
After the birth of our second child, she was diagnosed with a health condition. One of the common side effects is reduced libido – so, there is the reason for the previous rejections. She has been taking medication that has resolved most of the physical symptoms of her condition since then, but apparently not the libido. I am not sure that is fixable.
Now for my part of the equation. I am no longer physically attracted to my wife. She has gone from a size 6 to a size 18, or just generically – extra large. Some of this I am sure was due to her medical condition, but when she finally found the balance in her meds to treat her symptoms, the doctor told her she was in a good place to now loose the weight. She did nothing. She is not active at all and she never passes up a dessert. When we go to parties, I get embarrassed at how much she eats.
I have encouraged her to find some sort of exercise to do, but she is always too busy (among various other excuses). When we are getting dressed to go to church or out to a nice dinner, she becomes frustrated when her old clothes do not fit, so she shops for new clothes, which bugs me more than it probably should. I would prefer she figure out how to stabilize her weight.
I have really tried to not make her weight an issue, knowing that it is a very sensitive and emotional subject for her, but it is an issue. I work hard keeping my weight in check and only weigh about 5 pounds more than I did when we were married. I am now taking my kids with me to exercise so they get the habit early. I feel a lot of resentment towards my wife and it is ruining our marriage.
That being said, I do love my wife with my whole heart, but I am not passionately in love with her. We are more roommates and parents than lovers and partners. I miss it deeply, and have for over a decade.
Not sure I can live like this forever. I am not sure I want to. Any and all thoughts or suggestions welcomed. Thanks again!
Last edited by psumers; 05-14-2012 at 05:53 PM.