General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Ok guys so im totally in love with this girl,I love everything about her shes a great woman and ive been thinkn about marrying her really soon..The only problem is she has two male friends thats close to her that she use to sleep with and i cant stand the idea of that..It makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that she slept with them and still hangs out with them..I really dunno wut to do here guys Ive been around women i slept with and we tryed being friends and 9 times out of ten we ended up sleeping around again even when they had boyfriends...So im kinda stuck idk wut to do
Im stuck between giving up on her which is easy for me i always give up on a relationship when things is not right the pain and hurt i deal with later..Or roll with the punches and let her keep her friends marry her and wait to get ****** over or maybe she wont **** me over but to me its still a big risk so idk help me out here guys
No, you're not wrong for asking. Because flip it: ask her if she would like you hanging out with women you have had sex with?
My guess is NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
It's not rocket science.
Also, getting married to someone and thinking a problem with resolve itself or just "go away" is never the answer. Resolve this before you do anything crazy like getting engaged/married.
Well, Tacoma and I frequently disagree -- I don't know who your lady love is, but many of us womenfolk in 2012 do not cotton to the idea of someone "not allowing" us to do anything.
It's good that you spoke with her, and she has agreed to stop hanging out with him. So, the problem now is...what again?
Well, Tacoma and I frequently disagree -- I don't know who your lady love is, but many of us womenfolk in 2012 do not cotton to the idea of someone "not allowing" us to do anything.
It's good that you spoke with her, and she has agreed to stop hanging out with him. So, the problem now is...what again?
If someone wasn't cool with the idea of "not allowing" them to talk to exes, then I'd just be given the ultimate sign they weren't ready for marriage.
Sounds like something a cheater would say, "You can't tell me what to do! You're just trying to control me!"
In a healthy marriage, if one partner isn't comfortable with something, you stop. It's that simple. Anything less is picking something else over your partner.
To the OP, the fact that you are even questioning your request shows me that you have a problem enforcing boundaries. It means that at some later point in your marriage she's going to do something inappropriate, and you're going to try and avoid conflict. It's classic nice guy syndrome, and in this day and age it's a great way to end up getting cheated on.
Read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Don't ever be afraid to set boundaries. If you're not comfortable with something, speak up and voice your concerns. Don't appease just to avoid conflict, especially at the expense of your own feelings.
Also, I'd verify that she's not going behind your back to talk to these guys. You can come off looking like a real chump if you kind of meekly say, "I don't like you hanging out with so and so, it makes me feel insecure." You need to be strong and confident that the decision to not hang out with these guys is the best thing for your relationship. If you aren't confident about it, she will try and test you to see if you will do anything about it. Something like start talking to them again, or plan a group date or something, just to see how you'll react. If you give in, she'll keep pushing to see how far she can go.
COguy, give me a break. I am an adult -- if my partner wants me to not do something, I probably won't do it. The whole problem is with the word "allow". I'm not a child. Nor a serf.
COguy, give me a break. I am an adult -- if my partner wants me to not do something, I probably won't do it. The whole problem is with the word "allow". I'm not a child. Nor a serf.
Sounds like you have issues regarding that. It's obviously semantics. You must be really afraid of someone telling you what to do and you feeling obligated to listen. Rather than taking it at face value, that it wouldn't be appropriate and he wants it to stop.
True or false, you accuse people in your life of "treating you like a child"?
COguy, give me a break. I am an adult -- if my partner wants me to not do something, I probably won't do it. The whole problem is with the word "allow". I'm not a child. Nor a serf.
You seem to be implying I am controlling or dominant..above my wife.
Please re-read my statement in context.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tacoma
I wouldn`t allow my wife to carry on a relationship with a former lover nor would she allow me to do so.
We may quibble over the term "allow" but by definition it is what we are discussing and my statement above specifically illustrates that I have no more "control" over my wife than she does of me.
You seem to be implying I am controlling or dominant..above my wife.
Please re-read my statement in context.
We may quibble over the term "allow" but by definition it is what we are discussing and my statement above specifically illustrates that I have no more "control" over my wife than she does of me.
She owns me, she would not allow it.
I have no problem with that terminology.
The OP shouldn`t allow it either.
Interesting, I got blasted for using the word allow in another thread on here, ie My partner allows me to talk about it.
Some people are really sensitive about the use of that word.
Yes she agreed to stop hanging out with him..But my question is am I wrong for asking that?
Nope, you are right to do so. In marriage you *need* to be able to convey your boundaries and listen + learn where her's lie.
Then you both need to respect those boundaries. That's all a part of communication in marriage.
Don't be too much of a nice guy! Don't ever feel bad for standing up for yourself. If she has objections she should let you know and you can talk about it and take it from there.
Yes she agreed to stop hanging out with him..But my question is am I wrong for asking that?
No. You would be remiss to not address this. Ex lovers must be no contact when you are in an LTR and thinking about marriage. You show high value and smarts by addressing this.
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A Question For Females and Guys 
help me out here guys
IMO
