Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???
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Old 03-21-2009, 11:07 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

I am new to this site. the reason I subscribed was because I'm very troubled about my sister's marriage. She has been married to her husband for over 3 years now and they have a 2.5 year old daughter. I have proof that my brother in law has an affair with another girl, but I don't know if I should tell my sister. I'm afraid I could ruin their family and my niece's life too. On the other hand, I can't help thinking that, in the long run, he might hurt my sister and my niece anyway with his affair. I have thought talking to him instead, but I think this might just make him be more cautious. I really need some advice about what's best to do. Please people let me know. Speciallist's advice more than welcome.

Many thanks
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Old 03-21-2009, 11:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

I am sure I will be the minority here...but this is what I would do.

I would meet up with your brother in law, then I would kick his ask until he cried and begged for forgiveness, then drag him over to have HIM tell your sister face to face.

Let her decide where she wants to go with this, and have your sisters back.

I would definately kick his butt though
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Old 03-22-2009, 08:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

Thank you very much for your advice my friend. I don't think kicking his butt will do any good to my sister's marriage.

Your idea, though, about having HIM telling my sister is quite appealing. I'll think about it.

Thanks very much
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Old 03-22-2009, 10:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

I would step up to the brother and warn him to end the affair. tell him if he doesn't tell his wife, than you will. Give him a time frame to do it. Like say "within 24 hours". He may say its not your business, but read on....

Also inform him that infidelity is ground for divorce, if you have solid proof he is cheating (pics, video, eyewitness accounts etc..)let him know. This kind of leverage in the courtroom could give him the proverbial kick in the nutsack you long to deliver.

Good luck.
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Old 03-22-2009, 02:16 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

I have proof, however, I'm not sure if it would stand on a court. I have secretely recorded one conversation between my brother in law and his lover, in which they're planning to meet at some point later on that week, while it is clearly audible that they kiss eachother. I'm not sure though, if recording their conversation was a legal thing to do, so I don't know if I should reveal that to him. Anyway, thank you very much for your advice. Very much appreciated. I think I'll most probably have him tell my sister.

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Old 03-22-2009, 05:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

well my honest opinion here. i wont make an assumption without the facts. but your obviously quite close in the fact that you could secretly record him.
the likelihood here is, the marriage wil change and you wil be prime smack in the middle of it, you wil b blamed also, and your secret taping will not go down well with either person.
if your not close/or close to your sister - you wil b classed as jealous and a marriage wrecker.
im afraid you are in a difficult position.
either way you choose wil not be a good way.
he wil deny all u say, despite whatever evidence you have.
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Old 03-22-2009, 06:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

I would avoid all converations around how you know. I would meet the brother in law face to face (not being angry if possible) and just let him know what he is doing is wrong. Don't take the bait if he says it isn't true, or you don't have proof - right now that isn't the point.
Tell him it is better if he tells your sister (his wife) then if you do. Don't give a time frame, don't threaten him that you will tell her.

Just the fact that your brother in law will know that you are on to him, will freak him out. Also the thought of someone else telling your sister should scare him into it...

I would wait a little while and see what happens. Don't rush in a way that you might regret.
Don't get into an arguement with your brother in law. The best thing, is for him to stop, address it correctly and work on his marriage and his parenting.
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Old 03-22-2009, 09:43 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

Well, thanks a million all of you guys. I need to sit down and think what's best to do. I think I can see things a bit clearer now, thanks to everyone's views.

Many thanks
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Old 03-23-2009, 06:43 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

I know she is your sister, but honestly, it's none of your business. She may already know even if you think she doesn't and if you start spilling the beans, even if you talk to your BIL, you are just opening up yourself for criticism and it's going to strain your relationship with your sister regardless of what you do.

I know I'm in the minority when I say this but stay out of it and mind your own business...

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Old 03-23-2009, 10:11 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

I personally would do what GAsoccer said, but I would SUGGEST telling him that he either tells your sister, or you will, and give a date/time that you will tell her if he hasn't by then (so he can't keep putting it off).

And I'm sorry, but the "I know its your sister but its none of your business" is BS. Its your family, you take care of your family, period.
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Old 03-23-2009, 10:22 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

i did rat on someone once, yrs ago. i was in my 20's. i told my cousin about her best mates fella. my cousin told her very quickly.
by chance i was visitin my cousin and the girl happened to be there. she asked me and i told her of the evidence, she stil denied it and literally 10 minutes later. the fella walked in.
he didnt confront me and backed down.
he knew he was guilty.
i suppose coming from an ex that constantly cra**** on me. even when told by my own mother. i didnt listen, yet it was true.
it was the same for this girl and evidence was in her face.
i didnt bother doing it again.
i realised getin involved sometimes really is well not wanted n e way.
but if you feel you have to say something. dont make threats to him to tell your sister.
just ask him to the side and say what you know. leave it at that.
your a reminder in yourself as to the goings on.
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Old 03-23-2009, 11:16 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

Nope, sorry, not BS, there are many an expert that would concur with me...and it was a very big part of the psych classes that I took in college.

Yes, you take care of your family but you also need to stay out of their personal business unless you are invited in...you're prjecting opinion, my take comes frome something more.
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Old 03-23-2009, 12:22 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

Quote:
Originally Posted by JDPreacher View Post
Nope, sorry, not BS, there are many an expert that would concur with me...and it was a very big part of the psych classes that I took in college.

Yes, you take care of your family but you also need to stay out of their personal business unless you are invited in...you're prjecting opinion, my take comes frome something more.

1. I never said I wasn't projecting opinion, he asked for people's opinions.

2. I took the same psych classes in college, and I called it BS back then too.

If its just a friend or acquaintance 100% I agree with you, but if its my sister, my mom, etc, I, in one way or another, make sure the truth comes out.
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Old 03-23-2009, 12:37 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

thank you guys. I think my sister needs to know first and then SHE decides what is best to do. If she thinks I'm wrong or that I'm trying to ruin her marriage, well, she deserves him. Also, even if I don't tell her, I'm still interferring to her marriage, because I'm keeping secret something that I very well know and that could affect her marriage and her life in future. For example, I'll definately feel responsible for not acting on time if they have another kid later on and then he leaves her. So, I think it's a dead-end for me. My sister needs to know, end of story.

thank you all for sharing your opinions with me. I'm now sure about what I need to do and this forum really helped me a lot.

many thanks
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Old 03-23-2009, 12:43 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Brother in law cheating on my sister - what should I do???

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Originally Posted by JDPreacher View Post
Yes, you take care of your family but you also need to stay out of their personal business unless you are invited in...you're prjecting opinion, my take comes frome something more.
In most circumstances I would agree with this with the exception of my sister running the risk of getting an STD. If the evidence is undisputable tell him to come clean or you’ll rat him out.
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Last edited by Amplexor; 03-24-2009 at 08:10 AM.
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