General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Yesterday, I had to follow my H in rush hour traffic and he took me down a back road which gets highly congested and backed up. We were at a T-section and the other traffic was letting each car in intermittingly. My H is about 3 cars in front of me and he wedged his way out in front of a car that wasn’t going to let a car come out, for whatever reason. The woman in the car apparently was frustrated that he just helped himself to getting in the traffic, so he says she honked her horn at hime. He threw his car in park and jumped out telling her that every other vehicle is suppose to allow a car out. At this point, the woman just left her window up and ignored him and the light turned and everyone started going.
I was livid with him for two reasons – He had our toddler son in the car and who is he to tell someone else how to drive? He could’ve easily waited on the next vehicle to let him out, but he butted in and then proceeded to get mad at the woman for not letting him in.
I’m getting at my wits end with his anger issues. We argued about it last night and he didn’t see anything wrong with what he did. Am I overreacting? He has anger issues and he’s been working on them, but this week alone he’s almost gotten in a verbal altercation with another driver twice. I don’t know what happened in the first incident now, because I feel this incident was completely unavoidable and he was just being a bully to this woman.
Wow, I'd be scared he's going to get himself shot or something.
A few years ago I gave my hubby an ultimatum to either go to anger management or I was leaving. He went, grudgingly, and claimed it was a waste of time, but I think at least some of the stuff soaked into his brain.
Cherry, your stories always worry me. I really hope that your husband can learn to deal with his issues. He is way out of line, and needs to figure out how to calm down.
stbx would seriously have me praying for my life when he drove places. he'd get angry, start swerving behind a car, yelling, make unsafe passes, it was just scary.
My road rage is limited to screaming angrily at the speed limit. I get really vulgar, and wait until I can get away from whatever driver is bothering me safely, without risking my life, someone elses life, or my car.
With your toddler with him, his behavior is even less excusable. acting like that is just putting the toddlers life in danger. we've had at least 2 deaths in the last 2 years related to road rage, one of them the guy was chased down and smashed into until he was forced off the road, and died.
those are the only two publicized road rage deaths from the past 2 years, but still. it's never really worth that.
Cherry, your stories always worry me. I really hope that your husband can learn to deal with his issues. He is way out of line, and needs to figure out how to calm down.
I'm really beginning to wonder if I even want to stay in this marriage much longer. I've been thinking about it a lot since it happened and it's really unfortunate that he is like this. It brings back strong memories of his anger and his violence towards me, not conducive to repairing our marriage. It's pushing me to the edge, I told him that too. It's like he doesn't give a crap about anything when he has one of his adult temper tantrums.
Hope - I mentioned to him that I'm going to give this six more months to re-evaluate where his anger issues are, but what he doesn't seem to understand is that it's things like this incident that really wears on my attraction to him and my commitment to this marriage. I feel like I have a foot that is inching towards the door out of this marriage. It's scary but he is pushing me out of love with him and quickly this time around. It upsets me tremendously.
It's like he doesn't give a crap about anything when he has one of his adult temper tantrums.
That's because his mind is completely shut down logically... all that's going through his brain and veins is pure rage.
I'm sure he realizes when he gets himself into a state like that, but he's unable to stop it. The anger just becomes all consuming. That's why he needs help to give him tools to deal with identifying when he's about to trigger and to learn how to redirect that feeling before he gets into a full blown huff. It happens so quickly though, so he has little time between when the tantrum begins to develop in his mind + heart and when it gets expressed (and is all the more difficult to stop).
The biggest problem is that he doesn’t think he’s got a problem. Until he believes he has a problem he wont do a thing about his anger.
So somehow you’ve to get him to see his problem. You have to get him to see it.
A good way is to carry a VAR with you at all times. Then if you record an angry session you can play it back to him in the hope that he can “see himself”.
Better yet would be to video him “in action”. When a person is angry they have like a temporary insanity. In that they are no longer in control of themselves and their focus shuts right down onto what it is they’re angry about. In this state they are truly unaware of the sound of their voice, the expression on their face or their posture.
They just don’t know how scary they are. It would be really good if you could demonstrate that to him either with a VAR or video.
If you do it, let him know what you are doing and why you are doing it.
That's because his mind is completely shut down logically... all that's going through his brain and veins is pure rage.
I'm sure he realizes when he gets himself into a state like that, but he's unable to stop it. The anger just becomes all consuming. That's why he needs help to give him tools to deal with identifying when he's about to trigger and to learn how to redirect that feeling before he gets into a full blown huff. It happens so quickly though, so he has little time between when the tantrum begins to develop in his mind + heart and when it gets expressed (and is all the more difficult to stop).
Ugh... If he even saw a problem with what he did which he claims he doesn't. He claims the woman should've known how to drive on that roadway.... That she should've known to let every other car in from that T-section. And apparently he felt it was his job to inform her, regardless of the dangers of the situation.
I was hoping the woman would've called the cops to report him for aggression, she was behind him long enough to get his plate number and I would've sided with the woman in a heartbeat.
my H had a physical fight with three men in the middle of a three lane carriageway when the lights were red once. If it wasn't for the fact that he was bigger than all three of them put together and help started appearing from cars all around us I dread to think what would have happened. They had done something really dangerous and stupid but he thought nothing of jumping out and having a go at them
it was the only time I put my foot down about his anger and told him if he ever did that again whilst I was in the car I'd leave. It was still quite early in our relationship and he was beyond apologetic. God I still shudder to think about it
but exactly the same as yours, when he was having a tantrum nothing else mattered
Wow, is he really that blind or does he not like to admit faults in himself?
He doesn't readily admit his faults. I explained to him that it wasn't normal behavior, what he did. He said he didn't care whether it was normal or not, he felt the "dumb b!tch" needed to know how to drive, so he attempted to tell her. I asked him how he would've reacted if I told him or he saw someone do that to me... he couldn't answer that question.
Perhaps you should ask him what is more important:
always being right
or
saving the marriage
If it's the former he needs to get help and be willing to swallow his pride enough to admit that he, like everyone else, makes mistakes or blow things out of proportion.
11Likes
Road Rage/Anger Issues 
which he claims he doesn't. He claims the woman should've known how to drive on that roadway.... That she should've known to let every other car in from that T-section. And apparently he felt it was his job to inform her, regardless of the dangers of the situation.
H is from Texas, is it a state thing? 
