can't take my mother anymore
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Old 03-23-2009, 07:21 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default can't take my mother anymore

so my mother lives w/ us and is now constantly bad-mouthing my husband, calling him a scumbag and an #sshole and saying how she doesn't like him (this is the same woman who said i was going to marry him). i want her to stop it. he didn't do anything wrong yet she blames him for everything. i've tried talking rational, sitting her down and having a discussion. it didn't work. the only thing i think will work is to give her the whole story, which i don't want to do coz it will hurt her and quite possibly make things even worse. the whole story is it's mostly her fault he's gone. whenever she didn't have money for the house bills or for groceries, we'd cover her, which she never said thank you. she never did any housework unless it was dishes. i've had many discussions w/ her how i can't do all the work and she needs to help more, she didn't listen. so the house would always look like a mess, eventhough i did clean up. my daughter would just mess it up again before my husband came home so it would look like i didn't do anything. she always treats me like a child, which again i've told her many times to stop. everything has to be her way and he got sick of it. he wanted me to get her to move out many times, and i told her when she's back on her feet, we're going our seperate ways, but she never got back on her feet. i couldn't kick her out of the house coz she'd have nowhere to go. i just can't do this anymore. i love my mom, but i'm sick of her. i'm sick of being in the middle of all of this. it's like i'm damned no matter what i do. if he and i get back together it's going to be very awkward. if he and i don't get back together, i'll have to constantly hear how much of a bad person he is for abandoning me (which he didn't). i wish she'd realize that marriage today is not like how it use to be. people don't stay together anymore out of obligation. she's just so old school and it driving me crazy
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Old 03-23-2009, 07:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

get rid of her.
when my ex and i split. my dad was living with me.
to this day, not that i care now. but fact is his being there caused alot of problems. i had no time for discussion with my ex and stil dont know reasons. it would have been nice.

if you dont get her out. your marriage wil break down, to a more extreme point.
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Old 03-23-2009, 09:12 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

yeah, you need to have a serious discussion with your Mom about the rules of Your house, and if she can't abide by them, and be respectful, to you, your hubby and keep it cleaned up, then you'll probably have to tell her that she needs to find somewhere else to live.

You'll just have to broach the subject with her gently, and let her know that you are a grown woman and need your space to work on your marriage. And also let her know, that she has no business trashing your husband, whether she likes him or not, is irrelevant. He is the one you chose, and she's going to have to deal with that.

She's acting like a rebelious teen, not a Mother....

Have a long heart to heart with her....
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Old 03-23-2009, 09:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

You say that you have already talked to her but it didn't work. What do you think would work?
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Old 03-23-2009, 09:48 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

i think your right marina - also a jealous mum.
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Old 03-23-2009, 09:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

yeah, and that can be so hard on a marriage, when the parents in law are butting in, and living in the same house... It almost always makes things harder.

I hope her Mom can see that she's only making the sitation worse.
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Old 03-23-2009, 10:16 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

she doesn't see she's making it worse. she sees that she's "protecting" her child. my brother and i talked to her last night about everything and nothing got through to her. she and my husband are very much alike, arrogant, stubborn, and thinks they're always right. i am so tempted to have them sit down together today and let them duke it out. i just don't know what to do anymore. if they would just both admit they were both wrong in some ways it would make my life much easier. and i know if he would just want to give us 1 more chance, it would work out. but that would have him being wrong about his decision to leave, and he's never wrong.
and i can't kick her out coz like i said, she's got nowhere to go. she can't move in w/ my brother coz he and his wife are seperating, and she can't afford to be on her own. god why does life have to suck? i'm tired of being knocked down. i've been knocked down all my life over 1 thing or another and i've always gotten back up. i just want my husband back.
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Old 03-23-2009, 10:21 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

I'm so sorry wonder.

You're in an impossible situation.

But you're going to have to put your foot down.

How about an intervention? From a neutral party. Do you have a pastor? Or how about a therapist?

You could have everyone sit down, and talk this out, with the therapist/pastor , leading everyone.

I can't think what to say. I feel so badly for you.
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Old 03-23-2009, 01:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

so i talked to my husband a little bit before. he's being understanding a little bit. he sees how stressed out i am and is trying to make things easier for me. i mentioned w/ time we may or may not get back together. he said it wasn't going to happen right away, his words "it's not like i'm going to be moving back in in 2 weeks. your mom and brother are pissed at me and i signed a yr lease because i didn't want to lose this apartment and a yr lease was required". he didn't say anything about never getting back together. he then said how he was going to maryland in june for vacation. he said "he" didn't want to invite me coz he didn't want me to read to much into it and get my hopes up, but my brother was suppose to say something and invite me. well my brother didn't say anything to me. i can't go anyway. i would rather spend the money on my daughter and i'm not 1 of those people that need vacation. i'd rather work and collect my vacation pay.
he also said that i need to tell my mom and brother to shut the f#ck up coz they're causing a lot of stress in my life that i don't need.
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Old 03-23-2009, 04:39 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

talked to him a little bit more. he tells me how good we get along when there's no outside interference (other people) and he said he doesn't think we'll get back together, but we obviously had something in common to be able to fall in love and get married so who knows. i told him we still had a lot in common, we just have to both want to make the marriage work and he knows i want to try again. he didn't say anything so i don't know if he was thinking over what i said or just blew me off. GGGGRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-24-2009, 09:09 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

It sounds to me that if your mom was out of the house/picture your husband would be willing to come back.

I would work HARD to get your mom on her feet and in her own place, or with your brother since his marriage is "over" anyway.

That is, if you really do want your husband back.
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Old 03-24-2009, 10:42 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

Weird as this is going to sound - is he willing to let you move into his apartment - leaving mom at home or let mom move into that apartment and him move back home? That way mom is taken care of and but not actually living with you?

I don't know if that's a possibility, just a thought.
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Old 03-24-2009, 12:24 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: can't take my mother anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by TNgirl232 View Post
Weird as this is going to sound - is he willing to let you move into his apartment - leaving mom at home or let mom move into that apartment and him move back home? That way mom is taken care of and but not actually living with you?

I don't know if that's a possibility, just a thought.
Great idea, I would try this with him, just bring it up.

He/you are already footing the bill for the house and apartment anyway.
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