Originally Posted by PrettyOptimistic
Thank you all!! I sometimes feel so alone about this. I do turn it back on myself and then the problem gets worse in my own head.
I do feel it to be so disrespectful. I have talked with him about this over and over but it just seems to make him do it more discreetly. It is the main cause of our fights. He has given me every excuse in the book for why he does it and usually denies or says he didn't realize he was doing it. I know we all look at times but the oogling and staring is what really hurts. I'm not sure what to do. It's not worthy of leaving someone over, when everything else is so good, but I am tired of the depression it can put me into some days.
I'm probably going to sound harsh on this subject, but I had this problem with my husband before we got married. He would stare so hard, that one time, the boyfriend/husband of the other woman came over and asked him if he needed something...I tried talking to him seriously, confronting him in a teasing way, ignoring it, noticing cute guys, and all the other advice we read about how to handle this, and nothing seemed to work.
Finally, I resorted to the drastic treatment. EVERY time I caught his eye wandering (you have to watch carefully), I BLEW UP. First I would call his attention to it right then - loudly, and then once we got in the car, or away from most people, I really let him have it -- tears, shouting, etc.
I told him it was utterly disgraceful, disrespectful, immature, and if it didn't stop, I was done with him. I made him leave a store and drive me home once, and walked out of an event another time.
I am NEVER one to make a scene and very rarely raise my voice, but in this case, I felt it called for EXTREME action on my part.
I only had to do that about three times, and SUDDENLY, he didn't do it anymore. He is VERY careful where he puts his eyes.
I still watch him sometimes when there is a hottie around, and catch his eye if I can, so he knows I'm aware, but he does nothing more than a quick glance, which is human nature.
There is NO reason a man should EVER treat his woman that disrespectfully. As I told my husband, "do it on your own time!!! But when you are with me, your eyes should be on me only because you are very lucky I am on your arm."
Others may disagree, but this drastic behavior worked for me and shut down the issue quickly.