General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My husband was using facebook to check out women. He viewed a massive amount of women's profiles and photos. He made no contact and claims he was just looking and had no intentions. Of contacting any of them. I am hurt but I don't know if I should be bothered by it or concerned. I am confused about how I should feel.
We men like to look at women just as women like to look at men so calm down,I like to look at personal adds also but have never responded just out of curiosity sake.
I know nobody ever does it,but I say go to the computer when he is there and start looking at the personal with men and tell him you discovered how fun it is,I bet he will change,if you get after him about it with anger he will just hide it better.
If you don't trust your husband and actually think you need to instal a keylogger then why be with him and I say that to anybody that is putting keyloogers on,just don't stay married if there is no trust.
[QUOTE=iheartlife;767320]I find that behavior odd, on facebook.
What, a google search for "beautiful women" turned up only 2 billion hits instead of 3 billion?
There is only one reason one trawls facebook, and it's for contact with a live human being.
If it was just one or two--or even 5 or 10--but "massive?" That is bizarre and a huge red flag.[/QUOTE.
I think so too? Why the need to view hundreds of profiles? It doesn't. Seem innocent to me.
What, a google search for "beautiful women" turned up only 2 billion hits instead of 3 billion?
There is only one reason one trawls facebook, and it's for contact with a live human being.
If it was just one or two--or even 5 or 10--but "massive?" That is bizarre and a huge red flag.
No it's not.
Why do you say it's a huge red flag?
If it was repeatedly just one or two woman, THAT would be a red flag.
He went on a looking spree to pass some time.
Again, I've done this myself and it's a meaningless activity to gratify your eyes. It has no effect on the relationship or sexual behavior. It's just another form of socializing.
You don't talk to everyone on the street, but you certainly see them. Your eyes naturally turn towards people who look more interesting/attractive to you. That's just nature.
He said he was looking at women he thought was good looking and caught his eye.
OP, What did you say when he told you that he was looking at women he thought were good looking?
I wouldn't find it okay if my husband tried to look for beautiful women on the internet. That is not acceptable! That is okay for a single man, not for a married/committed man. I understand that if a beautiful woman walks by it might catch a man's attention for a moment even if he is committed/married. That is quite normal.... However searching for beautiful women on internet, facebook is weird in my books for a married man.
If it was repeatedly just one or two woman, THAT would be a red flag.
He went on a looking spree to pass some time.
Again, I've done this myself and it's a meaningless activity to gratify your eyes. It has no effect on the relationship or sexual behavior. It's just another form of socializing.
You don't talk to everyone on the street, but you certainly see them. Your eyes naturally turn towards people who look more interesting/attractive to you. That's just nature.
I've done it too. Typically, an attractive woman pops up as a possible friend connection and catches my eye or I see an attrative woman responding to a friends post and I look at the picture!
I am so sick of people saying "Oh, we're men...we were only looking" A passing glance, I can see. But seriously? Going thru a bunch of Facebook profiles to see beautiful women? So glad my husband doesn't think like this. And before anyone jumps on me about it... I am with him nearly constantly. He doesn't go on the computer often. Usually our 3 yr old is on there. This "all men do it" bs is just that... bs. NOT EVERY MAN goes searching the internet for beautiful women. Just like not every man masturbates. Not every man thinks the way so many here seem to.
OP, if it bothers you, sit him down and talk about it. Make sure he is truly listening.
So let's say there are valid points. One of them is that it's normal for men to check out women. Another is that this sounds like a sign of a problem, because it's an active search rather than a harmless passive search.
But many of the typical reactions that come with suspicions like this are not working towards the real problem. What you want to happen is for this attention to go towards you as much as possible and any other woman as little as possible.
Why aren't you getting his attention? Focus on that. Whether you get his attention or not, you'll be better positioned - if you don't get his attention, you'll be positioned to get someone else's. If you get his attention, problem solved.
For this reason, the suggestion to sit next to him and do the same thing is a suggestion that might be one of them that could work.
It's also why confrontation based on distrust might only make it worse.
I understand men like looking at women and vice versa. But I think there is a huge difference in looking at women like models/porn stars/actresses -vs- women he can get into contact with easily (facebook/myspace/whateverbookspace) and if I ever catch my guy on dating sites/personals or the like, it won't be okay, at all, we'd have HUGE problems and it probably wouldn't end well.
I would be a little concerned. I understand men like visuals but not EVERY man goes on Facebook/MySpace to look at pretty women. I will be the first to say that before my husband met me, he was all into porn and pretty women, but when we got together and got married, that stopped. We both discuss actors/actresses who are good looking and we have even done the whole "out of our friends, who is better looking" game. But he doesn't go online just to browse. He loves me and the way I look and is satisfied. So OP, just talk to him and find out the reason behind it.
8Likes
should I be concerned? 
Let them enjoy the sight. What is so wrong about enjoying nature?!
