cmjsweetc

First off let me say I'm new to this site and was afraid to post but here goes...

My husband and I have been together for 9 years married 7 we have 4 wonderful daughters. I am a stay at home mom because my husband job affords me such. My husband is every bit of as close to a perfect husband as you can get....HOWEVER

a few nights ago I was up with you 12 month old because she is teething and has been waking up at the oddest hours..she got ahold of hubbys phone, when I went to take it frim her i noticed that she had opened up the photo gallery and there was a woman staring back at me...nothing provocative...nothing sexually suggestive..but she was standing there smiling..in my HUSBANDS OFFICE at work....so I scrolled thru the photo album and proceeded to find about 6 photos back to back that he has taken of his penis as well as another photo of the same woman once again fully clothed, nothing sexuall but in his office... I was immediately overcome with rage and I woke my husband up with a forceful punch to the thighs once he was awak I viciously asked him who the "b**ch" was in his phone and why the eff did he have pictures of his penis in his phone...he proceeded to call out some random name, lets just say "amy" and the said it was a joke. I asked what the joke was because i saw nothing remotely hilarious about the things i just discovered..he then got angry with me rolled over and said he was finished talking...WOW...

now i must take time to tell a side story...

not even 3 weeks ago my husband became very angry with me to the point where he slept on the couch(which he never does) and cursed at me(also which he never does) because he saw text messages in my phone from a guy friend i have known for over 20 years where he blatantly came onto me but there were also my tests clearly telling him "heck no" i was happily married and to kill what ever feelings he had(which were sexual). I left these texts in my phone on purpose because i keep all texts in my phone and felt i had nothing to hide. but my husbadn was upset very upset and said he was hurt and it made him wonder how many other men i was flirting with or talking to(even tho none of this took place in these texts)...

back to the post..

Help? advice...suggestions...I just need to ease my troubled mind...

TRy

Him saying that it was a joke means that he either sent her these pictures or had her take them, either way, it is called cheating. Him going back to sleep saying that he is done talking about it is him showing you that he does not respect you and does not think that you will do anything about it.

lovelygirl

Maybe he took revenge and started sending his pictures to this woman?

What do you mean you left the text on your phone on purpose?
Did your husband find out himself about the text or you showed them to him?

Certainly the way you approached this wasn't good. You should have been more calmed.
But his reaction wasn't better than yours.

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Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.

cmjsweetc

I suppose so but it is just a shock because he has always been the one to hold out marriage on such a higher pedestal...smh

cmjsweetc

When my friend came onto me it wasnt just out right nasty it was sly and once i figured out what he meant i plainly let him know that that would never happen i love my husband and respect our marriage. I didnt see anything wrong in the exchange so i didnt delete it or mention it to my husband just like any other time i text anyone..my husband was using my phone one day and i guess he decided to look through my texts and saw the exchange.

I agree i was very enraged and reacted accordingly but that doesnt make it right

lovelygirl

I'm afraid your husband was taking revenge and left the pictures there for you to see them and see your reaction.
He wanted you to have a taste of what keeping things "hidden" means. Although you should have told him about those text messages RIGHT AWAY because now he thinks you've been trying to hide them [even-though you didn't delete them].

Obviously, what he did hurts a lot and it's not what a married man should do. It was immature of him to walk away and not give you explanation.

Try to have a quiet conversation with him and kindly ask him to explain you everything about the pictures.

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Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.

dubbizle

I am super liberal and don't think a lot of stuff on here is cheating,but taking pictures of your penis and putting them on your own phone so your wife can find them just does not go,if he is taking pictures of his penis he is sending them,he sent them and for got they are on there.

You explanation also sounds strange because if you wanted your husband to know why not just tell him right away,before he just happened to find them.

CandieGirl

I think you should both ditch the opposite sex intrusions in your marriage, if you're serious about staying together. Obviously, you can't handle it - most of us can't, BTW...

Your guy-friendship of over 20 years? If you had to tell him 'heck no happily married' chances are he's got more than friendship on his mind.

Your husband is no saint in this; no man takes pics of his unit unless he's planning on sending / showing it to someone else. I didn't see where you mentioned he sent it to you, sooooo.....

Toffer

Hicks

A little more background would help.
Is your husband sexually satisfied by you? He affords you so much and is a perfect husband, so does he hear respect and admiration from you ? The second question is what is the background of you having a male friend that you text with...Regardless of your intent to be faithful, I sure don't want my wife having text conversations with males.

CandieGirl

Disagree...unless the OP and her H are 12 years old, who fricken DOES that? More than likely, they just need to pull their heads out. Both of them!

Maricha75

You had this conversation with the friend of 20 years. You shot him down. Kept the info from hubby. KNEW your husband would eventually see the exchange because you use each other's phones on occasion. And you can't think of one reason that was BAD? *smh*

Ok, you got that your husband got mad about the exchange, right? BTDT! Guess what you do? KNOWING this guy has some kind of sexual feeling for you.... CUT HIM OFF! Stop talking to him.

I agree that your husband likely did this as revenge for having seen the conversation with that other guy. The pics... if he's gonna send to anyone, tell him take pics/send ONLY to you! DUH!

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SabrinaBlue

You should've immediately told your husband about the inappropriate texts from your male friend. Period, end of story. Leaving them on your phone without explanation was probably a nasty shock for him, and since you haven't given the time frame, lovelygirl's theory is probably right: his pictures were revenge.

What I will also add is that your "forceful punch to the thighs" was not okay. It's normal to have a very angry reaction to possible cheating, but it's not an excuse to strike your partner.

You need to cut contact with your old friend. Then take lovelygirl's advice: calm down, and have a quiet conversation about all the texts and pictures.

swedish

Did you check his phone further to see whether he is sending a lot of texts to a specific number?

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~Swedish

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein

Jellybeans

It doesn't look good. Most people don't keep random pics of their genitalia on their phone.

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