kdm913

This July, my husband and I will be married for 6 years. We are a young couple, I 25, he 26. We got started early. Over the last 6 years we have gone through so many things together. I feel they have brought us closer but at the same time, I feel they are effecting how we think about things.
So to my point about this whole thing. First, my first love cheated on me. Anyone who has been cheated on knows how it effects your future relationships. I know it can happen so its like I think it will happen again. Second, during the first 5 years of our marriage, anytime we got into and argument the first thing my husband would say is he is leaving or I need to leave. He never did leave longer then just a ride down the road for a bit. I did however for 3 days after our son died. But he helped me realize we will be ok and can work through it together. Third, I always have this feeling in the back of my mind that one day we will not be together. I finally stopped thinking that way about 6 months ago. Lastly, About a month and a half ago, we met my husbands cousins girlfriend. We learned about their difficulty being able to see each other and offered for them to stay with us. They ended up breaking up and his cousin left. His girlfriend is staying with us. She has become my new best friend. Well ever since the two have broken up, although she has another boyfriend in the army (which means he is not here), I keep having problems feeling like my husband will leave me for her. I have talked to both of them about how I feel and they both have told me that would never happen that they look at each other as siblings. My husband has NEVER done anything to make me feel he would cheat. After talking to both of them I truly feel everything will be ok. Well yesterday, I started thinking about how starting in August when we all start school again how there will be times when they are alone. (I will be in class, they wont) So I started that feeling all over again. (I know I am all over the place, Im sorry. This is how it is in my head.) I started thinking about instead of thinking about how heart broken I would be if something did happen between us, change my thought to how I will be ok and I would get through it. Then I woke up this morning feeling like all this may be a test from God. To see if I really trust my husband. I hope it is a test, I would be failing right now, and this would never happen. As hard as I can think that I would be ok in the end if anything did happen, I really love my husband and dont want to loose him. I cry just thinking about the slightest possibility.
Am I over thinking this? Is this a test? Should I be worried? Should I just calm down? I know no one can really answer these questions but me and God.
Thanks for listening.

survivorwife

Sounds to me like there are three people in your marriage, even though, to the best of your knowledge, they feel like siblings. You do realize that you can still be friends with her AFTER she has moved out, right?

What you need to do is to live and be with your husband without any extra people in the home. Ask the friend to leave. You can still be friends and visit with each other, just separate households. In that way, you and your husband can feel like a unit together and not have a third party around to influence either spouse.

381917

She should move out.

lamaga

Whether or not your husband and this gal would ever fool around, she is serving as a catalyst for all your bad feelings about being abandoned.

She needs to go. Not because you don't trust your husband, just because she is bad for your relationship. Not her fault. Doesn't matter. Boot her.

oakhillady

It's time for her to move out, she wasn't there before and doesn't need to continue being there now. And then maybe a counselor can help you (and your husband) make your trust a little bit stronger. It takes help, we can't do it alone. I know how you feel. I was cheated on in my last relationship and now the fact that it happened ever makes it impossible for me to completely eliminate it from my mind in my current relationship.

SPRelationshipCounselling

Problem not addressed + Poor Communication + Temptation = Conditions for an affair

Great that you have shared your feelings. It's not a test you need to put up with. Accept that you feel what you feel. Your feelings are important. Don't repress them. It's probably wise that your friend move out so you can have a one-one relationship with your husband and reduce the temptation. If she is your friend she will understand it is what you need.
It might help to get some support to talk through you fear of being left and explore early life experiences of abandonment to get a better understanding of what was being played out with your first love and make sense of your fears now.