In need of some inspiration - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-25-2009, 12:00 AM Thread Starter
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In need of some inspiration

I am a 33 year old woman waiting until marriage to have intercourse. I guess I just want to know that I am not alone in how I think about some things. When the subject of sex comes up in relationships, I am always honest and am not opposed to foreplay. Actually, I am ok with everything except intercourse because that is one thing I would really like to save for my husband. Also, I want to know that I am in a solid situation where if something unplanned were to happen (e.g., pregnancy, etc.) I would be in a marriage instead of in a relationship that may or may not lead to marriage. So, my reasons for waiting for intercourse are two-fold: my religious upbringing and also my wanting to be responsible and make sure I am in a solid and committed relationship. Men seem to think that it's not fair that I am open to foreplay and doing other things besides intercourse. Even though I am upfront and honest with them about sex once the subject comes up, the issue still seems to be there for them. My last boyfriend told me it was all or nothing, and I really feel that you can make love and express yourself doing other things just as much as if you were having intercourse. I guess I want to know if it is unrealistic for me to expect a man at my age to wait and if anyone feels that I am being unfair to men by being willing to do everything but intercourse. I don't want to completely abstain from foreplay because I do feel that there should be a natural progression both emotionally and physically to a relationship, and I do want to express myself and feel that intimate and physical connection with someone. Just looking for some opinions - especially from men.

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-25-2009, 12:13 AM
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Re: In need of some inspiration

well, hard to say, If you ahve very strong religious views, I would imagine you can go through your church, or a church like it to find a husband.

Eharmony, may be good, the man that started that is very religious.

But when I met my wife she was a virgin, I was 20, she was 19. She wanted to "wait" which I was fine with...6 months later she was ready to try sex. we dated 7 years before we ended up getting married (married 12 years).

Marriage is about connection, openess, trust, communication. More to it then sex...when you have sex finally you may just be..."That's it?"

I mean it is really up to you and your personal beleifs, if you wish to wait, then wait. But you may end up with a man who may be boring in Bed.

case example: I dated a Nympho maniac in HS, it was sex, sex the time thought it was great, but nothing earth shattering.

I met my wife some years later, she was a virgin, first time was weird and akward...but it got better, to the point shattering.

I view my wife as a 1000X better in bed then my nympho HS girl, becuase she is into it and we are connected, comfortable, etc. My Nympho girl was like a log when it came to sex, just not all that into it, just the act.

I personally believe people should have sex before marriage, sort of "test driving the car" before purchasing it. See if you have that intamite connection, that special bond of love making as opposed to hot sex.

I wish you all the best, I would just hate for you to get married and then find out your hubby is terrible in bed, I thank my prior girlfriends for letting me know that when I met my wife, it was explosive as compared to a "good time" and 19 years later....I still feel that way...I can hardly wait to get her into bed....every day....well I at least try. lol
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-25-2009, 12:18 AM
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Re: In need of some inspiration

Well chances are she won't be much better as she has to learn. I think if you are upfront about wanting to wait there is nothing wrong with it. Don't let anyone talk you out of it.

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the nave forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget." -Thomas Szasz
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-25-2009, 04:59 AM
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Re: In need of some inspiration

as long as your upfront - then you give valid reason to yourself and the person your with.
your cultural values are important. but then if your having foreplay, then where are your cultural values then.
i kinda agree with your ex. all or nothin at some point. especially if your in a relationship.
if your going to have an arranged marriage then why bother with other men.
im glad i had the experience of sex with other men, but im a white female and im not of any religious background thats stops this.
dont get me wrong - i dont sleep around - far from it.
but if i had a connection with someone, then given time.
i would want sex.
but then i like sex.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-25-2009, 09:04 PM
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Re: In need of some inspiration

At your age most men in your age group have either been married or been in serious relationships. The point I am making is this. They are used to having sex. Most of them just aren't going to be satisfied with hand holding, kissing and cuddling. In addition the foreplay you are talking about just turns them on. They are used to the foreplay LEADING to sex.

I'm not sure what you should do. What if after all this waiting, the person you finally go to bed with just isn't sexually compatible with you? You might want to be more flexible on this issue. Sure, make certain you and your partner have plenty of things in common first. Then, make sure you have excellent birth control and both of you are free of diseases. I'd then say enjoy the experience. I'm not sure what your religious background is though. As for myself, I attend church every week, am separated from my spouse, and have teenage daughters--I guess I'm just getting more liberal here in my older years. Life is short and I believe it should be enjoyed!
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-26-2009, 08:16 AM
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Re: In need of some inspiration

with the above posts. Yeah, mostly on your age guys are more practical, specially on your age right now. I do not know what your religious background is, I am Catholic, but that did not stoped me from been very active while a teenager, I believe you need to know if the experience is earth shattering or not, if you married without having sex first, you might never know if you will be satisfied truly or not.

Like I said, I am Catholic, and their believes about this are very strong, but I also have a liberal believe, I have a 15 years old Daughther, whom I have always said, that even though I would prefer for her to wait at least until she finishes HS, if she decides to try sex to just let me know, and we go put her on the pill and any other protection she could have. Life is to short and you never know what will happen to any of us tomorrow.
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