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Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
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Originally Posted by Hope1964
I am not saying SAHM's work harder than all working moms, The OP's attitude seems to be that being a SAHM is far preferable and easier to working full time. It's no wonder his wife acts the way she does if that's the way he thinks. Who knows if she actually DOES act the way he says, or if he's just seeing what he wants because he resents the fact she doesn't work.
I expect he feels this way because after working all day, he does the laundry, cleans and cooks. A SAHM who does not do these things does in fact have it easy.
I also see no reason to assume he is lying about the allocation of chores. He does need to be respectful of her, and he is to blame for letting it go for 15 years. He needs to own up to that. In a perfect world, he would have sat down and had a discussion over household chores and dividing up responsibilities, but to do so would be more the exception rather than the rule (beyond noting that my wife kept her apartment fairly neat, I never really considered this before I got married). But to attack him because he resents that she is not doing the work as a SAHM is unfair.
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
Sorry for your situation. Have you ruled out depression, ADD or some other psychological cause? I ask this because I once came across a colleague with a diploma working under me. She can only perform like a 10 or 12 year old and can't do most of the things that requires thinking. We sent her for a psychological assessment and discovered she has ADD.
The fact that she doesn't know have the basic life skills an adult should have and the lack of interest, hobbies or needs seems like either depression or some psychological condition that was never discovered. Its worth giving it a thought.
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
Oh wow!
More than dumb I'd say she's lazy. She has no goal and no motivation.
I see no reason for you to love her or find he attractive no matter how much she's hot or has great bedroom skills.
I mean, who needs a hottie when she does NOTHING eventhough she's home all day.
She's so irresponsible. I don't see how you can still call her your wife and I'm sure you don't feel much proud of her.
__________________ Shaggy: Men of integrity don't have affairs. They don't have affairs not because there aren't other wonderful women out there besides their wives, they don't have affairs because as men of integrity they choose not to.
Last edited by lovelygirl; 05-26-2012 at 12:20 PM.
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
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Originally Posted by BeachGuy
You know EXACTLY what I'm going through. Is it frustrating as all h*ll or what???? It's like every day you want to look at them and go "REALLY???"
My wife went to the store once to get pork chops (for me to cook). She asked what kind and I said anything EXCEPT the thin filet ones (I wanted to grill them). She called me from the store and asked again, what kind to get. Again, I said anything except the thin filet ones. Guess what she brought home? I wanted to scream.
She was at the store, asked you and still brought home the wrong pork chops?? Jesus Claus.
I was getting verbally abusive because the lack of common sense. Now I just shake my head or calmly ask how a silly action makes sense.
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
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Originally Posted by tennisstar
Why is the OP responsible entirely because his wife isn't smart? You are blaming her behavior on him. Yes I agree she probably feels he thinks she's stupid, but she isn't trying to do better. So that us entirely his fault? Maybe he tried for a long time and just gave up? Posted via Mobile Device
I'm assuming the OP only has power to change himself, and that's where the buck stops.
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
I just found this tread and I have to ask...are you married to my Husband's ex? Jk but it does sound so much like her. It is beyond me how some people can lack common sense and can be so helpless.
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
It's not a lack of mind power. Just a resolute refusal to agree with or listen to a single word I've ever said. Ever. Whatever it is, if I say it it's wrong or vaguely incomplete and she will continually ask the same things over and over and over or do the same thing wrong after asking me a hundred times what to do and getting the same answer a hundred times.
Example, the check engine light came on but the car has to be inspected. So that needs to be fixed. Now it's fixed and the car has to be driven ~50 miles and 2 or 3 drive cycles to reset the sensors. I've explained this more than 30 times in 2 days. Finally I just dialed the repair shop and handed her the phone. She asked about 13-14 questions, it took all of 7-9 minutes and they gave her exactly the same answer I spent 2 days repeating to her. The difference being she listened to what they said and now it's clear and elegant and simple. So from now on, I'm no longer explaining anything. Done. She has a question 'ask a professional'. Don't ask me. Done done done done. Done.
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
I agree, your wife sounds like she has some kind of processing disorder. The example about the pork chops was what cinched it for me - she called, and asked, but still couldn't process what you had said - meaning either, she's evil and vindictive (which I don't get the idea she is), or she literally can't hold a thought. Could she have had a mini-stroke or something? Early onset Alzheimers? ADD?
I'm not being funny or sarcastic, something sounds off.
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
My ex used to do stuff like that, be asked not to do something on account of it being dangerous to the children, etc. Of course, he would do it (and the kids would get hurt...) We went to a counselor and the counselor pulled me aside and advised me to leave him. I think it's likely that he has sociopathic tendencies, and that it's best not to give him too much opportunity to wreak havoc. (Last week both kids 'forgot' stuff at a neighboring library...I told him he needs to check to make sure stuff is brought home on the days he takes the kids after school...never even got a reply or apology for me having to go out there and pick the stuff up.) This is why I strongly suggest both counseling as well as a neuropsych eval for your W, OP. I have learned to make my life as solid as it can be despite 'co-parenting' my kids. I've also taught my kids to be self-advocates, and not to accept unsafe or unreasonable situations from him. My daughter is very assertive. She is 8, he is I think afraid of her in some way. lol
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
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Originally Posted by Starstarfish
I agree, your wife sounds like she has some kind of processing disorder. The example about the pork chops was what cinched it for me - she called, and asked, but still couldn't process what you had said - meaning either, she's evil and vindictive (which I don't get the idea she is), or she literally can't hold a thought. Could she have had a mini-stroke or something? Early onset Alzheimers? ADD?
I'm not being funny or sarcastic, something sounds off.
She's been this way forever. Early on in our marriage I just figured it was because she was young and inexperienced but would learn. Never happened.
Here's another good one; she won't ever throw old food out of the fridge. It'll sit there till hell freezes over if I don't do it myself. (All part of her inability to make a decision about anything, which is also why our house remains a cluttered mess). Once a week I'll just take all the old crap out and leave it on the counter and then she'll deal with it. So a couple months ago I found a jar of chow-chow in the pantry that apparently someone in her family had given her back at Christmas on a trip I didn't go on. I love that stuff so I opened it, had some and put the rest in the fridge. The next day I couldn't find it. She said she didn't know what it was so she threw it away. Meanwhile she left the week old chicken and some other things sitting in there. AYFKM?????
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeachGuy
We had always agreed that she would stay home with our kids until they were both in school, then she would go back to work part time. When the time came, she "changed her mind" and said she likes being a SAHM. Duh...who wouldn't. I sure would. So working is not in her future. But our counselor agrees with you 100% and has told her many times, the most important thing she needs to do is get a job to be around adults and grow. No matter what happens to us. But she still won't do it.
Why would she? She has a sugar daddy that will throw a little fit and not have any bark to his bite.
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
She brought home the wrong pork chops because next time she knows you will do it for her. WTH are you still doing all the work around the house? I would never cook/clean up after her again! Do your laundry and the kids laundry (or better yet teach them) When it comes to meal time if she hasn't cooked anything, load the kids up and go get something! Leave her ass at home.
I'm not sure why I am wasting my time responding, you refuse to take the advice given in any of your threads...locked in a prison with no doors....
Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sbrown
She brought home the wrong pork chops because next time she knows you will do it for her. WTH are you still doing all the work around the house? I would never cook/clean up after her again! Do your laundry and the kids laundry (or better yet teach them) When it comes to meal time if she hasn't cooked anything, load the kids up and go get something! Leave her ass at home.
I'm not sure why I am wasting my time responding, you refuse to take the advice given in any of your threads...locked in a prison with no doors....
LOL! Same reason why some guys never get asked to change diapers. Do the job crappy (pun intended) the first couple times, and after that, it's easier for the wife just to do it herself.
BTW, I would never do such a thing. Although I confess as I was dry-heaving, I might have thought about it. A few times. Ok, almost every time.
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Re: What do you do when your spouse has ZERO common sense? 
"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."
