General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
This is a rule at our house. No sleeping elsewhere. Angry doesn't give you a pass to keep/create more distance between us.
OP, if there are more serious issues going on, they need to be addressed. Kicking your husband out of the bedroom is only reinforcing the negative, not resolving a thing.
We dont fight that much. It is certain things we fight about that i am sick of. I dont want to share me or anything that i feel with him if he isnt going to understand me. Does that make sense? I dont want to be away form him, but i am not going to give in and act like my feelings arent important. He doesnt have to sleep on the couch. I throw the pillows on there and if he stays its his choosing. Ive had a few people tell me that its important not to go to bed fighting or spating whatever have you. Because thats where couples get there most amount of bonding time. I dont feel bonding. Its laying there for a few minutes then him falling asleep unless its "that time" and then the sleep follows right after. I know it does suck for someone to be asked to sleep somewehre else but its sucks just as much to hear someone say certain things or even act like certain things arent important.
Well, Spade, you asked for people's opinions, and you get a pretty universal thumbs-down on sleeping apart. I understand that you don't like that, but perhaps you could give it a little thought?
I withdraw when I'm angry, but I remind myself that I'm angry at another person's actions, and that despite what they did, I love the person. You're rejecting the person, which can hurt a relationship. Would you be able to share a bed if you reminded yourself that the person you care about is the one beside you, and that the anger will still be there later to deal with, but for the next little while, until you're both asleep, you can lie silently in the same room?
We do spend most times after an arguement in the bed together but no touching or anything physical. Might as well be sleeping somewhere else. Sometimes there will be cuddling throughout the night after a arguement but then when he wakes up or i wake up it goes back to the same thing. Why is that? I feel rejected alot in a sense of being alone, not being told how great i am or even being complimented on. that sucks big time. makes me feel alone and worthless.
First you said you fought a lot, then you said you kicked him out the bed because you dont want to be near him, now it sounds like you're backtracking, saying how the fighting isn't too much and you don't see how it's hostile to kick your husband out of your bedroom.
I know it does suck for someone to be asked to sleep somewehre else but its sucks just as much to hear someone say certain things or even act like certain things arent important
All you're doing is rugsweeping the real issue. Sending him to the couch isn't doing anything to repair any of the damage that's been done over time. It's counterproductive. How do you feel about him the next morning after sleeping apart? If you're still angry, what was the point?
If you feel undervalued, unappreciated and mistreated then you should do something about it. Communicate with your husband. If that doesn't work, suggest counseling for you both. You can't continue to live this way... playing this game. It's making you more resentful and hurt as time goes on.
Well, Spade, you asked for people's opinions, and you get a pretty universal thumbs-down on sleeping apart. I understand that you don't like that, but perhaps you could give it a little thought?
You seem very set on being right.
It doesnt have anytyhing to do with being right. Its the fact that i am not giving into someone who isnt understand and is selfish. Id rather sleep apart than give anythign of me to someone who isnt going to understand me or try to make things better. ive said that before already.
It doesnt have anytyhing to do with being right. Its the fact that i am not giving into someone who isnt understand and is selfish. Id rather sleep apart than give anythign of me to someone who isnt going to understand me or try to make things better. ive said that before already.
Your standoff is a passive aggressive way of dealing with your issues with your husband. It's not fixing the problem.
All you're doing is rugsweeping the real issue. Sending him to the couch isn't doing anything to repair any of the damage that's been done over time. It's counterproductive. How do you feel about him the next morning after sleeping apart? If you're still angry, what was the point?
If you feel undervalued, unappreciated and mistreated then you should do something about it. Communicate with your husband. If that doesn't work, suggest counseling for you both. You can't continue to live this way... playing this game. It's making you more resentful and hurt as time goes on.
you cant rugsweep something that you try to talk about. some thigns its over and over again and not getting anywhere with it. Its not a game in fact they are my feelings, and his too. but only one side matters. Idont have resent i just feel pushed away and last. so much for being number one in someones life.
I've heard the "never go to bed angry thing" to and I think it's poppyc0ck. My wife and I have gone to bed several times when you'd think the Grand Canyon ran down the middle of it because we didn't even want our toes to touch - but we still went to sleep in the same bed. Many of the nights we went to bed like that we both woke up the next morning saying, "WTF was that all about??" Fights get a life of their own - the fight becomes the thing not whatever the fight was about. If you wake up next to each other it's hard to perpetuate the fight unless there's a real reason - if you wake up separated you start off angry because your spouse isn't where they're supposed to be.
Your standoff is a passive aggressive way of dealing with your issues with your husband. It's not fixing the problem.
Passive agressive? Liek i have said before i try to fix them and i want to be understood. I am not going to be pushed aside and ignored and be hurt all the time. Then if you believe that so much maynbe you can tell me this issue i need to be fixing? O what would you do if you have tried over and over agian?
you cant rugsweep something that you try to talk about. some thigns its over and over again and not getting anywhere with it. Its not a game in fact they are my feelings, and his too. but only one side matters. Idont have resent i just feel pushed away and last. so much for being number one in someones life.
If you aren't getting anywhere then what's keeping you there? You like beating dead horses?
This problem is just as much your fault as it is his. It is a game... like tennis. Back and forth back and forth. Push and pull. At some point you need to do something about it.
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Re: Sleeping seperately after fighting! 
