General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Vich, I can understand how this could be a very serious issue in some cultures. As an American, I do not view it in the same way, so I can only guess at how your culture assigns meaning to something like this.
However, I hope you'll consider that a different culture's experience may be valuable to you as you go into your arrangement. When two people marry, they will be happiest if they support and accept each other, including each other's flaws.
As PBear said, it's doubtful that she performed oral sex for 30 seconds three different times. She is really saying she performed oral sex three times, and hopes you'll think of it as insignificant.
The things I would encourage you to consider are that even if she were not sexually pure, her experience will have given her some confidence and removed fears - you won't have to deal with these kinds of things. If you accept her as being a normal human woman who has sexual urges and was honest with you about it, then you may have a very good basis for a supportive, happy relationship.
However, if you cannot accept her as she is, you may want to reconsider the marriage.
Here in the U.S., where women aren't expected t be virgins and where many women have had a great deal of sexual experience before marriage, their experiences do not really affect the kind of wife they make. In some cases, it can, I suppose, but there is so much more to a marriage than sex. Whether she's affectionate to you, whether she likes you as a person, admires your abilities, and has fun with you are much more important to a marriage than anything she ever did before the two of you met.
The one thing that *could* be important is if those experiences were with someone she would prefer to be with and/or who she is still in touch with.
what do you mean by purity...think about this..if a girl kissed anyone...is she pure?..i think no...even a baby is not pure...i can prove it...i know true things about her...as i was not having idea about virginity, so i asked..
LOL, well she is a live woman then, you want someone not interested in it at all? If you both like the arranged marriage and are okay with it no problem.
You should ask your religious leaders, as apparently their opinion is more important than your own.
It depends on your (and their) definition of virgin. In the dictionary, it says it's someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse. So theoretically, by that definition, she could have had oral or manual sex with 17 guys, so long as she didn't have a penis in her vagina. But another definition is "an absolutely chaste young woman". By this definition, she is not a virgin, as I'm assuming putting a penis in her mouth would not be considered "chaste".
I don't understand why you would be so concerned by what random anonymous people on the Internet think of her purity/virginity. You're te one that has to live with it. What do YOU think?
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is a girl chaste if she kissed a boy...think about it twice and then answer..
is a girl chaste if she kissed a boy...think about it twice and then answer..
According to my definition and culture, yes. Which is why I suggested talking to your religious leaders, because it's likely their old-fashioned, archaic, and hypocritical thinking that you have been brainwashed by.
For example, why does she need to be virginal, but not you?
For me, I couldn't give a rat's ass. My STBXW was my first sexual partner, at about 23 years old. I would have been mostly physically "chaste", although if desires and imagination counted for anything, I was burning in some lower depths of hell long before than. . My STBXW had one sexual partner before we met, although I believe she likely had a few more "make out" partners as well. None of that was of any concern to me in terms of purity or chastity, but I'm not religious and there's no logical reason why it should matter to me.
is a girl chaste if she kissed a boy...think about it twice and then answer..
Yes a girl is chaste is she kisses a boy. A woman is chaste even if she kissed a man.
Your fiancé is a woman, not a girl. You are a man, not a boy.
Is a man chaste if he kisses a woman? How about if he goes further to fondling? How about intercourse? Can he be chaste and yet she not? I don’t think so. Never expect anything more from your fiancé than you are yourself. It’s cruel to do so.
You have had sex with other women as a single man. So in your culture you ‘ruined’ those women. Were these women prostitutes?
Or did you take a woman like your fiancé and ruin her life?
Think about that twice and then answer.
chaste
adjective, chast•er, chast•est.
1. refraining from sexual intercourse that is regarded as contrary to morality or religion; virtuous.
2. virgin.
3. not engaging in sexual relations; celibate.
4. free from obscenity; decent: chaste conversation.
5. undefiled or stainless: chaste, white snow.
If you want to marry this woman, marry her. If you don't want to, then don't. What has happened in her past and in yours are not as relevant as how you choose to live in the present. Giving someone a blowjob isn't a big deal. It doesn't mean she isn't a virgin. However, whether or not you choose to marry her, stop thinking that her value lies in her sexual history or lack thereof and start thinking about whether or not the two of you are compatible in personality. Try talking to each other and seeing if your values and interests in life actually match up. Don't worry about romancing each other, just try to see if you want enough of the same things to make your relationship work. Arranged marriages are only useful if both people are honest in their willingness to communicate what they actually need to each other. People are generally committed, if they are going this route. However, without the love hormones making communication easier, you have to work at it. As long as neither of you is screwing other people now, who cares what she did in the past? She was honest with you about her past and you admit to having a sexual history, too, so drop the double standard and decide if you want this or not -- and don't go through with it if you aren't actually committed to making it work, whether or not you're afraid of disappointing your parents. Honesty. Is. Important. Especially, to yourself.
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Re: please help me out..i am really in a mess 
. My STBXW had one sexual partner before we met, although I believe she likely had a few more "make out" partners as well. None of that was of any concern to me in terms of purity or chastity, but I'm not religious and there's no logical reason why it should matter to me.
