vich

i turned to 26 and now i am going to do an arrange marriage..i met with my future wife and she told everything about her past..she had oral sex with her ex bf thrice just for 30 seconds..she told that she is virgin..she never did vaginal and anal intercourse...Is she really a virgin? and whether is it ok to marry her..?:

Vanton68

thrice? interesting that you used that word. I would still consider her a virgin. Why does this issue bother you so much?

MrsOldNews

Have you had any relations with other people before this arranged marriage???

lamaga

Yes, she is still a virgin. Yes, it is ok to marry her, although I kind of wish I could talk to her about whether it was ok to marry you.

If you get angry at her over this, you have just taught her to never be honest with you again. Is that what you want?

Stonewall

Troll?

lamaga

Stonewall, I hope!

bandit.45

Tell your parents to join the 21st Century or go F themselves.

Refuse the marriage and find a woman on your own.

messunited

Well...it seems like you don't respect the honesty of someone who has told you this big thing just before your marriage so that you don't blame her in the near future....don't you get it?
what could you have done if she hadn't told you??...Nothing!
So, forget all this and if you want to decide something, then decide whether you are alright with the girl. i mean if you really found some chemistry going or was that meeting totally off road...
Show up some guts if you are not satisfied.. may be your parents will understand your feelings too..

Facing problems in marriage.. Alicia Russell on How To Save My Marriage - Guide to Getting Your Marriage Back to the Way it Was

PBear

Not to give you more insecurity on this than you apparently already have, but there's been a number of threads on here from guys who were told their wives that they were virgins, only to find out years later that they weren't. Their wives told them what they wanted to hear because the husbands put so much emphasis on it.

What I'm saying is I rather doubt she gave someone a blowjob for 30 seconds. And I doubt she would come out and confess something more to a complete stranger just because he asked, risking humiliation before him and both of their families. But to me, that wouldn't be a deal breaker anyway.

C
Posted via Mobile Device

KathyBatesel

Vich, I can understand how this could be a very serious issue in some cultures. As an American, I do not view it in the same way, so I can only guess at how your culture assigns meaning to something like this.

However, I hope you'll consider that a different culture's experience may be valuable to you as you go into your arrangement. When two people marry, they will be happiest if they support and accept each other, including each other's flaws.

As PBear said, it's doubtful that she performed oral sex for 30 seconds three different times. She is really saying she performed oral sex three times, and hopes you'll think of it as insignificant.

The things I would encourage you to consider are that even if she were not sexually pure, her experience will have given her some confidence and removed fears - you won't have to deal with these kinds of things. If you accept her as being a normal human woman who has sexual urges and was honest with you about it, then you may have a very good basis for a supportive, happy relationship.

However, if you cannot accept her as she is, you may want to reconsider the marriage.

Here in the U.S., where women aren't expected t be virgins and where many women have had a great deal of sexual experience before marriage, their experiences do not really affect the kind of wife they make. In some cases, it can, I suppose, but there is so much more to a marriage than sex. Whether she's affectionate to you, whether she likes you as a person, admires your abilities, and has fun with you are much more important to a marriage than anything she ever did before the two of you met.

The one thing that *could* be important is if those experiences were with someone she would prefer to be with and/or who she is still in touch with.

__________________
Please visit my blog for more relationship articles and advice, or check out my latest gift and greeting card designs.

vich

i know she is true in her words and i trust her..i just wanted to know whether she is considered virgin(Pure) or not...? In india oral is not considered so much big thing...but i want to know whether she is virgin or not..?

EleGirl

Nope, in societies that still practice arranged marriages this is pretty normal.

__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters

EleGirl

If she has not had vaginal sex she is a virgin.

So if oral sex does not bother you, all is well.

__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters

vich

yes i had

PBear

You should ask your religious leaders, as apparently their opinion is more important than your own.

It depends on your (and their) definition of virgin. In the dictionary, it says it's someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse. So theoretically, by that definition, she could have had oral or manual sex with 17 guys, so long as she didn't have a penis in her vagina. But another definition is "an absolutely chaste young woman". By this definition, she is not a virgin, as I'm assuming putting a penis in her mouth would not be considered "chaste".

I don't understand why you would be so concerned by what random anonymous people on the Internet think of her purity/virginity. You're te one that has to live with it. What do YOU think?

C
Posted via Mobile Device