endlessgrief

Your husband sounds like a real d!ck. The things you said he does and says to you had steam coming out of MY ears! He is taking you for granted big time. It sounds like he feels he can treat you any way he likes because he knows you won't go anywhere.

You know deep in your heart that he is not going to change. This will only get worse the longer you stay with him. It's sad that you are about to bring a child into this. I'll bet he will be an absentee father as well. This man should never have gotten married to anyone. He has no idea what marriage, respect, and thinking of someone other than himself is like. He may never learn.

You must prepare yourself to be a single parent. You may even be a single parent while married to your husband. It's better to be alone instead of being lonely while in a marriage.

It also sounds like he is a narcissist. Narcissists rarely change because they think they are perfect and everything that goes wrong is YOUR fault. You cannot reason with people like this. They are not wired that way. God, I am so sorry you are going through this. Be strong, get counseling for yourself if you can. Counseling will provide you with the tools you need to move on and be strong.

Your child and you deserve so much better. If I had my magic wand, I would turn him into a toad, oh wait, he already is a toad!

Keep coming here to TAM to vent, cry, ask advice, anything. Just get things off your chest, don't hold them in. You must go into self-preservation mode now. My prayers are with you.

__________________
The snake is notoriously tempting
But the snake is fair.
What is worse than not knowing?
To live or disappear?

jove

We are from the same ethnic group in eastern country. Now we live in Perth and used to live in Canada, so I got value in my mind that man is supposed to be gentleman. So I am between east and west culture in my mind. In our culture, sometimes people commonly think that husband that is gentle to his wife is husband who is afraid or is subordinated to his wife and this is embarassing since husband is head of household. I think this is ridiculous. But women in my society mostly have a lot of tolerance and willingly serve their husbands. They feel they are lucky enough if their husband are financially responsible and do not do any physical violences, harmful addictions and adultery. You are lucky if you got one of them. Therefore, compare to them, sometimes I think I am too demanding cause the other women in my society may think that my experiences are not big deal for them.

sinnister

He walk a head of you? Leaves you at the dinner table while you're out?

Told you not to make noise while your pregnant vomitting.

What a terrible example of the male gender.

lovelygirl

WOW!!! effing hell!! I don't know how a woman can stay married to such husband. He's so disrespectful and he despises you so much. I'm sorry to hear that and what he feels about you is anything but love and respect.
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I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I would feel disrespected and unloved. I'm so very sorry. My husband pushes me in a wheelchair when we are out and have to walk long distances. Obviously I'm a very slow walker due to my neck injury, but he walks with me holding my hand.

It sounds like this is your husbands personality. Most people do not change. I'm sorry he treats you that way.

My first husband treated me like total garbage, much worse then your husband currently treats you. I left and remarried the love of my life.

Good luck getting him to listen to you. I wish you the best.

uzername

i'm so sorry that you have to live with a husband who is so rude and just mean to you. i hope you can get some support from friends/family/counseling to help you stand up for yourself (whether that means speaking to your husband or just leaving him).

Lyris

I don't agree that what he is doing means he doesn't love you. I think it means that he has been raised in a culture that values connection and consideration to extended family and even non-related people very highly. It also sounds like he doesn't show his love for you by looking after you or showing you that you are the most important, perhaps because he didn't grow up having that modeled by his parents.

A lot of what you wrote reminded me of marriages I saw when my husband and I lived in Japan. It was normal to see a husband and wife walking with the husband in front and the wife behind, carrying all the bags. Probably more common in middle aged and older couples, but certainly marriage and gender relationships were different from where I grew up, (Australia).

Anyway, if he is generally kind and a good person, I wouldn't be giving up. Give him specific things to do; pick one, maybe walking with you or waiting until you have finished eating to go and pay. Use humour, tell him you know it seems silly to him, but it would make you really happy if he would walk next to you. Keep reminding him if necessary.

It's unreasonable to expect him to act differently from how he was raised just because you are living somewhere different and you have different expectations.

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jove

His parents are good role model. Even though they are old couple, his father is totally different from mostly fathers in his age. When I stayed in their house, his father helped me washing and ironing my baby's clothes and his mom cooked for us.

Lyris

Well that's good then. Maybe that's the reason he's better about helping out than other men you know.
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