nursemama

I am 6 1/2 months pregnant and have been separated since middle of January (I initiated). We have been working on and trying to communicate and repair marriage all this time. I had recently found out he had signed up for dating site after a huge fight we had one night and we thought we were both "done". We continued trying after I found this out and he contined to tell me how much he loved me etc....two weeks ago he called me after being out with friends and said he met someone he really liked and we were officially over and I should be happy and let him go. He had been texting this woman for a week or two before meeting her in person. I need advice and help on how to move on when I'm so devastated and obsessed with thinking about him and him with other women. He states he is now in relationship with this woman and does not want to hear from me at all besides baby. I'm alone, depressed, emotional and devastated by being lied to and feel used and betrayed. I don't know if I can ever overcome it and is it best to write him off or continue to try?? I feel like I'm grieving a horrible death.
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tiredwife&sahm

The only way to overcome this is to just do it. This guy wasn't ready to be the family man you wanted him to be, he wanted to continue to have fun. I know letting go is hard to do,but you have to. You are pregnant which makes it even harder. Most people don't set out to have a child and then raise it alone, but you are here now. So are you going to be strong or are you going to be the weak needy woman he wants you to be? Stop calling him, make preparations to do exactly as he stated which is to only talk with him concerning the baby. Do not speak with him until you in fact have the baby and take that time to focus on preparing for your future as being a mom. Do you family that can support you?

nursemama

He has always been clear he wants one woman and is very good with his daughters from previous relationship. Since I initiated separation due to some other issues and it'd been couple months without us getting back together he said he gave up and started detaching from me and is now in "relationship" with a stripper he's known for a couple weeks. He said I didn't try hard enough and things didn't happen quick enough for him in other words, with us reconciling completely. So he says I am to blame and what did I expect. If he really loved me I don't think we'd be in this spot I think. I go back and forth wondering if he will try to come back once baby is born. And If he does should I tell him to take a hike?! I have a 4d ultrasound next Friday he wants to attend and I don't want him missing it but know it will be very hard seeing him now. Can a man truly love you and do this and act as if he hates you now that he's supposedly so happy with someone else, and so soon? And yes I have family and friends to support me, thank goodness. The depression is greater than I could have ever
Imagined.
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Prodigal

I understand your pain. You have been treated with cruelty and insensitivity by this man. But look at what you just wrote. This man has the maturity of an 18-year-old boy, if that! I know you are hurt and depressed, but I honestly believe you will look back on this in several years and breathe a sigh of relief that he is gone. He has children from another "relationship" (I assume he was not married to the mother), and now he's hooked up with a stripper he has only known a few weeks becuase you didn't try hard enough (and onn his time line, no less), so you are history.

You don't need someone like this in your life. Period.

JMO, but I would have told this guy to take a hike already. And I would have meant it. No, there is no "true love" in someone who dumps you like yesterday's trash. Men who behave in this manner are self-serving, shallow, and out for themselves. That is my opinion, for what it is worth. I cannot see what is going on in this man's head, but from your post, I wouldn't waste my time or energy even making the effort to find out.

Turn your focus completely towards your baby. Stay close with family and friends. You are in an awful situation, but this will pass. Sounds easy from my position, but I've been in some really rotten situations over my lifetime too. I thought they would never pass and I would never get over the hurt. I did. Have you considered IC so you can talk things through with a good counselor?

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Dollystanford

I had a baby when I'd been separated from the father for 8 months. I had a good support network and it sounds like you have too. You need to be strong now and not fall apart - what matters is you and the baby.

concentrate on those two things - and do as he asked and only contact him about the baby. You'll find that the way you act now will have a big influence on him. He'll see you as someone strong and independent who can live without him and this might make him want you back or it might make him let go altogether. Either way you'll know for sure and be able to move on.

he's already got kids from a previous relationship and now he'll have one with you and he's dating a stripper - I think he's still got the mindset of an adolescent frankly and that's probably not what you need right now, he doesn't sound very stable

I hope it all works out for you

__________________
Learn how to talk proper, know what I mean?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dollystanford I don't sweat....I glisten

nursemama

I think you all hit the nail on the head when you mentioned maturity level. He is 35 and has two children with a woman he was with five years but never married and a short first marriage in which she divorce him after six months. I know, I know, red flags right? I am 37 and was previously married for 13 years and had three children. I think I know in my heart this man is not right for me in many aspects but cannot help to miss his companionship, love and affection he provided. And of course, being pregnant makes things ten times worse. I know if he does try to come back, which I don't think he will, I should tell him off. I know I have to find strength to get over it and quit obsessing about him and thinking of only good things we had and maybe focus on all the bad. If he loved me and cared he wouldn't have abandoned me now.
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nursemama

Really why is it so terribly hard to get over a relationship you know is not the best for you? He now lives with his mom, is off work on workers comp and behind on his child support and refuses to help me pay bills left in his and my name. I know not only has he done this but doesn't have much else to offer. I did and do have deep love for him. He's very charming, passionate and affectionate, can be very funny and a great looking guy physically. His character, work ethic, and selfishness has shown its ugly head and true colors now and that along with rejection and loss of husband and father of my unborn child has left me pining for him more and more even when I know I prob shouldn't.
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