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In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

8K views 16 replies 12 participants last post by  *LittleDeer* 
#1 ·
In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

In a new relationship/courtship et. al., who traditionally should be the one to say "I love you" first? Why? And in your present relationship, who was the one that first made that declaration to the other?
 
#2 ·
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

I don't think there are 'shoulds' with this type of thing.

My H declared his love for me first. I didn't say "I love you too" when he said it. We were young and I was still figuring out my feelings. I didn't want to say it until I knew that I really meant it.
 
#4 ·
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

These words come naturally when time & feelings are right from either party, it just happens without putting in planned thought, it's an overwhelming emotion that can't be controlled, it simply flows outward.
 
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#5 ·
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

I firmly believe the man should say it first, but I'm a fuddy-duddy traditionalist about that sort of thing. I also think the man should do the proposing.

I think women tend to fall in love more quickly, and I needed to know for sure that he felt it.

Dh said it first. :)
Like you, Lady Frog, I'm the traditionalist also. But, despite the fact that I may be falling in love, unless she gives me something emotionally back for me to hang my hat on, I would never utter those words. And that's richly due to a potentially perceived fear of rejection!
 
#6 ·
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

Probably the guy. From what I've seen and my own experience they freaked out or wanted to back up a bit when the girl says it first. Probably just an age thing (late teens, early 20s) but one of my guy friends admitted that it made him feel like she was expecting a ring soon and he wanted to run the other way.

In my marriage, he said it first. It was kind of funny because we both knew how the other felt and were both stubborn, refusing to admit it first out loud. I'm shy and pretty inexperienced and he's been there more than once so I kept my lips shut until he said it first.
 
#7 ·
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

I know that in mine, I was absolutely nervous as hell in doing it, but it was what I'd term as a "good" kind of nervous!
 
#8 ·
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

My H blurted it out unexpectedly. lol. I think he surprised himself but at the same time, seemed to have peace with it. He hadn't said it to another before. He made no apologies or had expectation and he allowed me the time to accept it and understand my own feelings.
 
#9 ·
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

In a new relationship/courtship et. al., who traditionally should be the one to say "I love you" first? Why? And in your present relationship, who was the one that first made that declaration to the other?
The one who feels it first should be the one who says it first.

I don't think declarations of affection should be made strategically, because that can lead to manipulative expressions of affection.
 
#11 ·
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

There should be no rules but I tend to think men get scared off if a woman says it too soon.

I vote the man should say it first.

However the woman should give all kinds of signals and signs that she's in love to help him out.

Win/win
 
#12 ·
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

well i would prefer that my husband had said it first..he KINDA did..but not really.

my first xmas card from him...was to someone i care about blah blah blah..

he signed it..when i think of you..one word comes to mind.

love greg.

i spent all day freaking out and that night neither one of us had kids (other parents turn) and i slept over..I lay there..wanting to tell him i loved him but SO afraid..he knew it. he tormented me..when i finally got out the words..i love you..he said..WELL..I guess it is a good thing i love you too. I wanted to hit him lol..but eight months later..i was his wife:smthumbup::smthumbup:
 
#13 ·
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

Hello arbitrator!
I was curious to know why you don't say your feelings to her. I know you said that you were afraid of being rejected, but would you be willing to hold your love for her the rest of your life? Is the opportunity to love shoud be stronger than losing her?
 
#14 · (Edited)
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

Hello arbitrator!
I was curious to know why you don't say your feelings to her. I know you said that you were afraid of being rejected, but would you be willing to hold your love for her the rest of your life? Is the opportunity to love shoud be stronger than losing her?
Grow: I could easily verbally express my feelings for her, but if I saw that she was not showing any inherent, non-verbal signs of reciprocity, then I'd probably hedge my bets. If the signs are there, however, then there's not a problem!

You can certainly feel intonations of love for someone, but if you are not getting those like signals sent back your way, then I'd be a little remiss to take that first step.

But if it's any consolation, in all of my lifelong romantic relationships, I have always been the one to take that first plunge!
 
#16 ·
Re: In a "new" relationship, who traditionally says "I love you" first?

Simply/Frog: You are absolutely two of the finest, big-hearted women that any self-respecting man would have to ever have the privilige of coming home to! May God truly bless the both of you! Y'all richly deserve it!
 
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