General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
How would people usually go about finding a counsellor? I am embarrassed to ask anyone I know. The ones I went to I found by online reviews, but I got completely discouraged.
Does your work have a "mental health" hotline? Mine does, where you call to receive confidential referrals to counsellors and the like for these types of issues. Also check to see if there are any clinics that can provide a referral.
Hi is not going to make 300k once he is done.
My sex drive is "3-4 times a week". I would probably like it more, but I am also busy. And I am drained on my workout days. I would be happy with 3-4 times a week. Is this unreasonable? I am not sure why it increased. I told him on Monday morning that I was horny. It is Wednesday morning now and nothing.
I really did support him when he first started school, but it has been dragging for too long.
Someone here said that he looks at the big picture, and I only look at today. I do not think one can ever be happy by always looking at the big picture. I used to live like that and I was always unhappy as it seemed like my life was on hold until a certain goal was met. It took me a lot of hard work to learn to live day-by-day and pay attention to little things.
I suppose I could be greatful that he is not at bars flirting with women, but I would never be able to live with a drinker. I work with a guy who goes to a bar every friday, he gets shortness of breath just my walking from his desk to mine. What a terrible way to live!!! And he is my age.
I didn't really sleep all night thinking about everything. I don't think school is the problem neither is my sex drive. As I said, I also have a lot going on, and I don't need that much of his time. If he really wanted he would find it for me. The issue is that he doesn't want to.
I think divorce is my only solution.
"3-4 times a week" Sheesh, I wish my wife were as into sex as you are. If my wife ever says to me that she's horny again, I'll jump on it in a second! I'm in the same place as you as far as sex drive is concerned, but the reason for no sex in my marriage at the moment is that I had an EA and it is taking a LOT to undo all of the damage from that. Another vote for the "no cheating" side.
You both seem to be wrapped up in your respective lives/schedules and seemingly drifting apart over time, but you need to talk with him to get to the core of what's going on. Have you talked recently about what your goals might be as a couple? When he finishes school, then what?
From what I'm reading in your posts is that some time has passed, things have changed and neither of you really know what to do with the relationship nor what you want out of it now. You're both on very different pages and some kind of reconnection/rekindling of the relationship might be in order, but both of you have to want the same thing and you have to find a way there. It might seem silly, but a "date night" or something similar might be in order. The both of you put your other things on hold for one night/day/afternoon and just be with each other, talking, having sex, whatever...
Beyond that, if you really want to resolve more hardcore issues, then you're going to have to search a bit more for a good match in a counselor. Maybe look into marriage counseling associations in your area?
My sex drive is "3-4 times a week". I would probably like it more, but I would be happy with 3-4 times a week. Is this unreasonable?
No, not unreasonable at all. That is what we are at with our compromise, but I would like it daily if not more then that. Somedays it's 3-4 times in a day, my drive is so high. I know how you feel in this sense.
My wife has a very low sex drive. If I didn’t bring it up, sex would never happen. Sex is just part of it… It’s the feeling desired that I want and I after 20 years never never got that feeling. That is her personality. I know it will NEVER change.
After I hit 40 or so, I started to get in shape. Enough that other women notice me. I want my wife to get in shape also. I know that will NEVER change. I want her to touch me and at the same time… I DON’T want her to touch me.
I like the attention I get from other women. Most know that I am married, so it isn’t likely that I would have an affair. At the same time… it scares me to think that if one of them was aggressive…It would be hard to turn it down.
I tell my wife all the time when I am horny. She just looks at me and says..."AGAIN"? She is a SAHM and she doesn’t clean the house a whole lot. She should have the energy if she wasn’t so lazy.
I did ask her if she still wanted to be married! So it will be good for a week and then back to normal.
Like many marriages, I think you are missing the intimacy. I can relate!
I hate to say this but maybe it’s time for a wakeup call for your H. He doesn’t take your threats seriously so maybe you should try to shake things up a bit by showing him what he might lose. He seems to think he has everything under control but he need to understand that he has to put some effort into his M or he will lose it. Some guys (like myself unfortunately) have to experience loss before we are motivated to change.
I reluctantly would suggest a trial separation to see if that will motivate him to take you seriously. He isn’t appreciating what he has and once it hits him that you will be fine without him he may change his attitude. Realize he may act angry at first (his arrogance will make him believe he still has control) but that will pass and he should then go into desperation mode. When he sees you will back up what you say he will respect you more and hopefully make an effort to change. That doesn’t mean you can date BTW.
It took something like this to "fix" me. I hate that it takes something so drastic but sometimes its your only option.
Then you have your answer. I doubt anything a bunch of strangers says on an internet site is going to convince you otherwise. You are not exactly ancient, and you can support yourself. I'm sure someone else will come along in time with whom you can have a satisfying relationship.
If divorce is a viable solution, and it appears it is for you, then I say go for it.
I told him on Monday morning that I was horny. It is Wednesday morning now and nothing.
Just curious.... but you say you told him your horny... right? Now... is that all you did? Just look at him and say.. "I'm horny..." Then just sit there? Did you initiate anything? Kiss him? Grope him? Smack his rear? Anything? Just saying.. "I'm horny..." Isn't going to get you anywhere if you don't do anything with some guys or vice versa. Perhaps a little less telling him and alot more showing him should be tried? Before you get a divorce... try rubbing against him or something first... see if he gets the point lol.
Just curious.... but you say you told him your horny... right? Now... is that all you did? Just look at him and say.. "I'm horny..." Then just sit there? Did you initiate anything? Kiss him? Grope him? Smack his rear? Anything? Just saying.. "I'm horny..." Isn't going to get you anywhere if you don't do anything with some guys or vice versa. Perhaps a little less telling him and alot more showing him should be tried? Before you get a divorce... try rubbing against him or something first... see if he gets the point lol.
If I tell my husband that I'm horney, that's a cue I'm looking for some loven' that exact moment. He knows my cues.
Oh no, I didn't just say that I was horny. I've done some physical stuff too. I won't go into details. I got NO reaction - verbal or physical. THis morning - two days later, I've asked why there was no reaction. His reply was "I didn't know what to say". What the h***? He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. Sigh.
1st- Don't cheat. Sex isn't wort it. Your husband is worth more than a piece of ass you will get off the street.
2nd - Your husband does NEED to pay more attention to you. He needs to understand that the minute he married you, that marriage has to take presedence over anything else. You are more important than school.
3rd - If nothing changes, than you just need to end the marriage before you do anything. Tell him you want out before you do anything you will regret.
83Likes
Re: should i cheat? 
