General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
When I point out something that darling has done that strikes me as unfair, this is the normal pattern. For instance, when the Lord of Downton Abby almost cheats, my ear got flicked pretty hard.
Me: Hey, that hurt.
Her: (angry) it should have
Me: what did I do?
Her: you're a man
Me: sheesh
When Abby starts kissing another man on "the firm", I get flicked on the ear again.
Me: what the hell, SHE is cheating - she's a she
Her: She's kissing a MAN
Me: SHE is married, he is single
Me: I think you owe me something - give you a hint - rhymes with geology
Round 1: (please keep in mind that banter is foreplay for us)
her: what?
Me: you know WHAT
Her: you'll be fine (this is non apology version 1)
Me: the interest rate on non-apologies is currently set at 12 percent
Non apology version 2 is: let's not split hairs
Version 3: let's move on, I know I have
Version 4: really we're good
Version 5: I accept your humble apology
Version 6: I'm Sorry (said in an irritated voice) meaning: I'm sorry I got caught
The good news is, this is all humorous fitness testing. When pressed she is fully capable of a sincere and unconditional apology. Posted via Mobile Device
This just got me laughing... thanks for that MEM. I admit I do let shows get to me like that as well but i don't tell my hubby that it's because he's a man. I just outright say.. YOU better not be doing THAT! Or I'll give him a glare and he's like.. I didn't DO anything!! or.. Babe.. I'm a real man.. unlike.. THAT boy. lol
she talks for a while and apologizes in a nice way. Just talking and not wanting to hurt feelings and it makes us stronger and love god more and us closer etc.
Oh no, that's not really the case at all. If anything she's been treated like a bit of a princess all her life, which she'll admit herself. I joke about it, but it's led to some real issues for us. Sorry if I misled somewhere.
Yes indeed. The entitled one never needs to apologize because they are always justified (in their own mind). The entitled one is subject to a different (more lenient) standard than regular people.
Oh no, that's not really the case at all. If anything she's been treated like a bit of a princess all her life, which she'll admit herself. I joke about it, but it's led to some real issues for us. Sorry if I misled somewhere.
No, I really mean it when I say she was treated like a princess. One thing that affected her was her dad dying after an illness several years back, which caused us plenty of problems given her grieving. But before that and since she was treated very very well, and that didn't happen until she was in her late 20s. But her general life experience has been one of being catered to in many ways, which I think I've been guilty of playing into myself. So her apologies will come now and then, but always with a sense of "Since you insist, then I'll apologize, but I don't like it."
I agree she's entitled. It's been a major issue between us, her refusal to even acknowledge let alone apologize for doing something. Even just after her EA, when I was just destroyed and she was emotionally abusing me, she told me it was my job to just carry on so I can provide. I was having trouble getting out of bed, she was saying it's my job as a man to carry on. Now she's nothing like that now, but certainly she feels justified at some deep level to do what she wants. My worry now is the newer, nicer her is a facade, though I think she's changed at some level also. But still the trouble with apologies to this day, despite everything!
This is most likely the result of childhood experiences and can be perpetuated though acceptance of mistaken belief systems. I had the same thing and still do to some extent.
Yeah, I guess it doesn't help much for understanding anything, but I think it plays into the issue of how she apologizes, if she has to. Now for me, I still do the standard husband "apologize first just to get it over with" move, then think later if I should have or not.
Yes, the op describes a pattern associated with a dysfunctional father daughter-relationship. It can even pass through multiple generations with mother-daughter modeling.
We don't fight like a handful of times a year. Most people wouldn't call it a fight more like we just disagree on a topic.
We both will get a little quiet then one of us apologizes or says "I really didn't want to fight about XXXX. I'm sorry I didn't see your point and was being arrogant etc etc"
Normally the other says the same and it's over. I think 3 actually raise your voice fights in 15 years now!!
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Re: How does your wife apologize 
what would that line be?
