Re: Husband can be disrespectful
My turmoil has gone on for close to 30 yrs. There seem to be a few good times, punctuated with very long stretches of bad ones. It was not like I was totally clueless before my marriage either. So, I tell myself I should've known what I was getting into & backed away carefully. Thing is, I do recognize this bad trait in many other guys and men of no romantic interest. Off-handed disrespectful comments they'll make like: Don't you realize, women should KNOW they don't stand a chance in a man's world! I'm often shocked as to where the sheer ugliness comes from, but suspect maybe they thought I was trying to compete with them, although I'm not in any way.
The contentiousness more quickly has become a constant source of bewilderment for me. Maybe he recognizes how it affects my health and mood very poorly and decides he'll act somewhat civilly to me for awhile... until the next surprise attack. My preference is always to retreat and avoid exposure. After all, continuing to pay attention to it reinforces the undesirable behavior. I'm not inclined to stoop so low and indulge in reprehensible behavior towards anyone, least of all someone I believed I married to love and support & expected same in kind from. Early on I went for counseling, but he went only once, never again. I think his Mom told him that it was "my" problem, not his. I don't know whether it can be "fixed", but I continue to hold onto hope relentlessly that it'll get better... someday