General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
And...I think the BF should explicitly tell the cake-giver what's going on - i.e. why he stopped interacting with her the way he did. (And not "my GF is oppressively paranoid so I gotta stop" kind of way) The cake could be her way of trying to get back to being banter buddies again 'cause she is in the dark about what happened. The FACT that she gave him a special cake I think means she wants to be his special friend. GF isn't crazy.
I'm now of the mind, after dealing with rumors of an affair, that if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. It doesn't matter how much I nag H not to talk to other women or get worried that he's talking to people that I don't want him to talk to.
If she asked her BF not to talk to the woman and he stopped, yet she bought him a cake, I would think that the GF would be more worried about the motive behind gifting the cake. At least, that's what I would worry about. I don't think it's BF's fault that she feels anxious or worried because no one is at fault for our own emotions. The GF needs to deal with her own responsibility in the way she feels about this and BF needs to make it absolutely clear that he will only have a professional relationship with his flirty coworker.
And if he has to talk to coworker, he absolutely should phrase it in terms of "GF is obsessively paranoid". Because that seems to be the case.
Adults do not control the actions of the people they love. I know this is anathema around here, but no. Adults respect each other and respect each other's opinions. If GF has a problem then GF needs to deal with that with BF. Leave Cake lady out of it until there is some kind of reasonable evidence of a problem -- a birthday cake in an office setting is not reasonable evidence of a problem.
Unless the cake had a picture of the coworker's naked boobs on it, I think the GF is overreacting.
GF had concerns, she voiced her concerns, the BF stopped the objectionable behavior. Seems to me that this GF wants to control every single aspect of her boyfriend's life. Good luck with that.
And if he has to talk to coworker, he absolutely should phrase it in terms of "GF is obsessively paranoid". Because that seems to be the case.
Adults do not control the actions of the people they love. I know this is anathema around here, but no. Adults respect each other and respect each other's opinions. If GF has a problem then GF needs to deal with that with BF. Leave Cake lady out of it until there is some kind of reasonable evidence of a problem -- a birthday cake in an office setting is not reasonable evidence of a problem.
I respect your opinion lamaga - I also think there may be some things about the story we're not hearing.
Flirting and sexual talks would NOT be okay with me in my relationship. The cake thing seems a bit blown out of proportion, but maybe the girlfriend is uncomfortable with the friendship because of the above mentioned. I don't know how I'd feel, but probably be a little anxious about it.
THIS. She is obviously uncool with it because it is the same female who was already having inappropriate conversations with said male. Game recognize game and females are usually pretty good at being able to tell when another female is interested in her man, and this man in particular admitted to inappropriate conversations, not cool.
Possibly --- and crazy jealous women are crazy jealous women. We simply do not have enough information in this case, we are all just imposing our own experiences and biases.
It is perfectly normal to accept the cake. He told you, so as long as he is making it clear at work that he is committed to the GF then I think it needs to be let go.
Providing the BF has stopped his flirty conversations with the co-worker, the GF is being a little unreasonable about the birthday cake. It's my guess she's still uneasy about the relationship, but has to realise that the BF could hardly refuse the cake.
Well. I think the guy should have given the cake buyer a weird look and said "No thanks." I've never seen or heard of one coworker giving another a birthday cake. Cakes from a group of coworkers, yes, but never individuals giving cakes to each other.
Guy flirts, guy stops, guy respectful of GF's request.
Girl flirt buys cake..GF not impressed.
My Husband innocently jokes around - Me thinks no big deal.
Girls bake him B'day cakes & scones anytime - Me thinks no big deal. They send home cheescake for me, me really likes them.
If my husband flirts, husband stops, respects my request.
Girl flirt buys cake & cheesecake for me...Me not impressed.
Difference being sexual nature of initial conversations.
Husbands work mates bake him cakes/cheesecakes all year round, they know I don't like baking, he likes cakes, I like cheesecake, we are both very cool with this.
Some more background information~I am not the BF, but a friend of his girlfriend. I have my own issues with boundaries and co-workers as my STBX had an affair of his own with a co-worker. My friend has been cheated on before and so has her BF. So-I came here asking for advice since my own issues with co-worker relationships are probably coming more from an emotional side and I don't really feel confident giving her good, sound healthy advice about the situation.
Her BF according to him; had this sexually inappropriate banter back and forth with the woman he works with for about a year now. My friend told him how she felt about the conversations they were having and he quit talking to her this way. Did not ever explain why to the co-worker; he just did it. The co-worker has other men she talks to this way; his workplace is male dominated and after the BF stopped reciprocating, she also stopped these types of conversations with him but continued on with the other men there.
My friend is a bit insecure but does not want to be controlling which she knows is not possible anyway. She realizes-as I told her-that she can not be with him 24/7 and what goes on at work is out of her control. She does need to trust him if she is going to stay with him. I have a feeling the co-worker is feeling out the BF a little bit to see if they can go back to their old banter etc. but who knows? The cake was her idea and she organized it; but it was given to the BF by other people at work too.
I think my friend is still a bit threatened by this work situation but again if she doesn't like it or it starts to be a problem, then time for her to move on. Comes down to trust and since I am personally no where near that; I am not the best role model for her!
45Likes
Re: Is this crossing a boundary line? 
