nikki11

Hi everyone, really need advice as I think I'm on the verge of losing my mind!

I've been with my husband 9 years,married for 4, there's 7 years difference between us (he's older).

Any way I know everyone has a past but when we were dating I was told he had went with a certain person I knew (and hate with a passion) I had went to school with her and can't stand her! It was a one night thing as far as I know, the thing is, she is a far out relation to my husband,same surname,etc (embarassed even writing this). It annoyed me at the time because it was someone I worked with told me (for no reason only to annoy me), anyway I sort of 'forgot' about it if you know what I mean as I never see her.

8 months ago I had our daughter and since then I cant get it out of my head,I'm beginning to actually hate my husband and cant believe he would have been so stupid to go with her, at times I feel like leaving but then it's making my daughter go through it all too. my sister-in-law would now be very friendly with her (SIL getting married next year-that will be fun), my sister is even friends with her on the internet (even though she know's I hate her). I really dont know what to do or how to get through this mental torture It makes me sick thinking about and I dont know why I do or why its bothering me now! Anyone with any advice please?

Hope1964

Have you been evaluated for PPD?

Why are you torturing yourself over something that happened before you even met your husband??

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lamaga

Yeah, Nikki, I agree with Hope -- you are torturing yourself over nothing. Why have you built this woman into such a symbol? Why have you given her this power? She was apparently nothing to your husband, and she was nothing to him a long time ago. Why are you obsessing?

That's really the question -- it's not about this gal at all.

Paulination

Not only are you torturing yourself, you are undoubtedly torturing your husband as well. Must be a helpless feeling for him to be taking your wrath now for something he did before you got together. How can someone possibly atone for that?

Santa

Well I know I am not much help but I would say, stop thinking about it!! You are just doing this to yourself and seem to be making something out of nothing actually.

When it pops into your head, make yourself say something positive that you love about your husband instead. Re-program your computer/brain.


Since this just just started after having a child, it may be hormone or chemical related, so I would suggest seeing your Dr. asap.



My two cents = not worth much, I know.

nikki11

Thank you all for your kind replies!! I honestly dont know why I keep thinking about it, I suppose I just have a feeling that she's better than me! Or she's a threat in some way -I was never like this in my life!

As I said its only from I had my daughter! I think I would feel stupid telling the doctor about the way I'm feeling, incase she'd say there's nothing wrong-regarding ppd. My moods do be up and down, at times it feels like im a robot-doing the things I have to do for my daughter and feeling nothing else. it's actually helped a little talking to people who I dont know, I dont have anyone else to talk to.

livelaughlovenow

Definitely get evaluated for PPD, insecurity and feelings of worthlessness and focusing on things that are not important are part of the symptoms of depression... I had it with both kids, wasn't treated with my first, should've been. Did seek treatment with the second.
If your husband has no contact with this woman, you have to let go of it. Figure out how, do something symbolic, maybe print her picture from the internet and burn it and say everything you ever wanted to say to her, and burn it, or something. To be done with it and get rid of the emotions. But the other posters are right you cannot keep punishing your husband for something that happened so long ago, and you are paying the price for it!

nikki11

Can I ask you what is the treatment and how do they evaluate you that you have it?

On a good day, I dont think about it at all, I love my husband but he doesnt know I feel this way, after I had my daughter I wanted to leave (due to all this) and I told him how I felt, he just said everyone has a past,etc. I get that but I really wanted him to say he regretted it,etc. And it'll be even harder as she will probably be at this wedding! I really dont want to be like this anymore. Surely hormones cant leave you this bad?

livelaughlovenow

Do some internet research on the symptoms of Post Partum Depression and see if you have some of the others.

lamaga

And nikki, if he says he regrets it, you'll say, Why? What do you regret? What are you not telling me?

This is not his problem. This is your problem, and it's going to be your problem until you get it solved. You can drive this husband away and get another one, and this will still be your problem.

seekingaadvice

In general, it's not the feelings you have that are a problem, but how you deal with them. Try to seek the help that people have mentioned and talk to your husband about it if it makes you feel better - but do so kindly and without anger.

Confused789

I have to agree with the PPD.

There are different extremes of it, and different ways to deal with it. I would go and talk to your doctor about it, and I am sure they could provide you with advise.

The weight gain of pregnancy, stretch marks, the actual process of giving birth, looking after a new baby can all be triggers to it.

Until then, always remember, yes he did see her, but he chose you, and he is with you. You can’t change how others feel (sister etc) but you control the way you react to situations.

nikki11

Thanks again. I know its my problem, Im going to see my doctor in the morning, as I looked PPD up, and it seems I have the symptoms... I hope it helps, I just want to be happy again.

lamaga

Good for you going to the dr! Proud of you, honey.

livelaughlovenow

Excellent decision, and if you want to talk to someone privately about it, you can always private message me. I've been there, some of the symptoms are dark, and you wouldn't want to share out in the open on a forum, which is why I told you to look them up.