General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My husband is a workaholic and before i go any further i want to state that I am very appreaciative of all the hard work he does but there is a fine line and he has crossed it . We have 3 children together ages 12, 9 and 5 and we have never had a proper family portrait done . I have organised it for a saturday afternoon as that was the only day i could do it and i have had trouble in the past trying to get him to to take a saturday off he hasnt had one off since his christmas break he only gets to spend time with his kids on Sunday and then he sleeps half the day , and he can take Saturdays off he has done it to play golf when it suites him .Anyway to cut a long story short he has been away interstate all week refuses to be in this family portrait i have a big argument with him saying that the world doesnt revolve around Sundays . I am at my wits end , and then he threw in a comment " If you would get off your a** and get a job i wouldnt have to work like a dog !" I was crying my eyes out how dare he say that to me , i have always wanted to go back to work but couldnt becasue of school holidays as we have so many of them and i have no one to look after my kids. I am at my wits end my Daughter was so sad he wouldnt come to get the photo done she asked him if he was going to take the photo day off and he said maybe , i told her not to get her hopes up and that most likely he will be going to work . Does anyone have any advice on how i can handle this situation better as i feel he has no respect for me at all . I would really appreaciate anyones insight
Why didn't you schedule the portrait appointment for Sunday?
That's what I was wondering too. Also, you couldn't even get a part time job to alleviate some of the stress and he could have a bit of time off? You two should sit down and discuss the benefits and drawbacks of you having a job, be it full or part time. Also, if the concern is being home for the kids, why not babysit? There are also places that allow the luxury of working from home. Is there a reason you haven't tried any of those?Based on what you posted, he does sound resentful that he's working and he feels you do nothing all day. Also, you have absolutely NO ONE who could watch the kids on holidays?At first, I was going to suggest letting the 12 year old watch the other two... but then I thought about my 11 year old and my 5 year old... yea... that wouldn't work! LOL Not sure how to advise there. I just remember that I was 11 when my younger sister and I were allowed to stay home alone. But that was sooooo many years ago!
It sounds like the two of you need the extra money he earns. He's probably exhausted.
You know, there are millions of working parents, single and married, who are able to find child care. I'm sure that there is something or someone near where you live who will watch your children.
Your 5 year old will start school next year. It's a good time to start a career outside the home.
What kind of education and skills do you have? Could you run a child care from your home as someone above suggested.
How are your spending habits? Could you cut back so that your husband does not need to work so many hours?
It sounds like your marriage is in serious trouble. This portrait is only a very small symptom.
I asked in effort not be too judgmental and hoping there was some really legitimate reason the sitting couldn't be scheduled for Sunday. I actually doubt there is a good reason, thinking there could be a different studio if this one isn't open on Sundays, or something else. Still, I hoped she'd return soon since she had only posted a few minutes earlier.
It appears she wants her husband to engage in his family, instead of working so much, but I don't think forcing him, trying to control him, and starting arguments is the way to go about it. Plus, her reason for not working is only an excuse. Everyone else works it out some kind of way, and so can she. If she doesn't want to work, just come right out and say and dismiss the drama.
Another marriage in serious need of counseling. I can guess why hubby stays away so much even though he makes time for himself ever so often. She's unhappy, probably lonely, and feeling like a single parent most of the time. Don't know where she went so quickly but sure hope she gets the message they are in desperate need of counseling.
Why didn't you schedule the portrait appointment for Sunday?
Because this was a special fundraising offer at my kids school and we were only allocated Saturday. Also i do want to work i have always worked but i do not want to leave my kids with strangers ,i have tried to work around my husbands hours and that is not an option either . I am trying to find work from home without getting scammed in the process with all these jobs they have online that sound to good to be true .
being home for the kids, why not babysit? There are also places that allow the luxury of working from home. , I was going to suggest letting the 12 year old watch the other two... but then I thought about my 11 year old and my 5 year old... yea... that wouldn't work! LOL Not sure how to advise there. I just remember that I was 11 when my younger sister and I were allowed to stay home alone. But that was sooooo many years ago!
Maricha ,
Thankyou for the baby sitting idea it is a prospect , i am looking for something i can do from home but like i typed in my above post to river i am worried about getting scammned as you hear so many horror stories and most of the jobs sound to good to be true . If i did leave my 12 year old to watch the other it would be all in war and i dont want my daugher lumbered with that responsibiliy she is to young .
It sounds like the two of you need the extra money he earns. He's probably exhausted.
What kind of education and skills do you have?
.
Yes we do need the extra money Elegir and he is paid hourly, i have retail experience , and i could get my old job back tomorrow but what do i do on school holidays ? I cant afford to send my kids to the programs the council runs and i dont like leaving them with strangers my Mum is the only person i have who could help but she takes care of my disabled brother and it is to much for her .. My inlaws are useless and my freinds all work themselves .
He should just get the damn portrait done but you should delve into the problem he has with you not working (Because he does have one).
No job because of school holidays?
I`m not getting that, I`m sure he`s not either.
I have a pretty good idea on that. When the kids are in school, it's no problem, mom can work while they are gone and be off in time to pick them up or be at home within minutes (MAYBE an hour or two?) of them getting home from school. When there are school breaks, be it summer or holiday breaks, no one would be home for the majority of the time and she is concerned how the children would fare. (I'm sure you know vacations are referred to as "holidays" in other areas. Not saying this in a condescending tone, some actually aren't familiar with that thought) As she stated above, that's a long of responsibility for a 12 year old, tho many children have fared well under such circumstances. Anyway, the point is that they need to sit down and figure this all out or the resentment, on BOTH sides, will grow.
Yes we do need the extra money Elegir and he is paid hourly, i have retail experience , and i could get my old job back tomorrow but what do i do on school holidays ? I cant afford to send my kids to the programs the council runs and i dont like leaving them with strangers my Mum is the only person i have who could help but she takes care of my disabled brother and it is to much for her .. My inlaws are useless and my freinds all work themselves .
Ok, I DO have experience in this area! My brother-in-law is disabled, both physically and mentally. Ok, how about this: the kids go to your mom's during the school holidays. Send whatever is needed for the kids, be it food or anything else, with them every day you work. I know it would be a HUGE responsibility for your kids, but ask them to help grandma in any way possible. Honestly, there is no reason your oldest, or even the other two, can't do basic cooking or use a microwave for meals. The 12 year old, for sure could cook on the stove. Grandma would be there to supervise if needed. And THEN if mom just needs a break for a few hours every once in awhile, YOU stay with your brother on your days off, if your hubby is working. Of course, that arrangement would have to be discussed with your husband and your mom. But it is a possible solution. And, it will give your mom some time to rest.
Thankyou Maricha i was going to type the exact same thing to tacoma . I am in Australia and we call them school holidays over here.They have all up segregated 12 weeks , four 2 weeks blocks and one 4 week block around Christmas .
I'm in Australia too and tbh, your post really reminds me of a very high-profile poster on a couple of parenting forums here.
Anyway, if you're on a low income and you need to work part-time then you will be eligible for the child-care rebate for holidays. From the Centrlelink website : "Child Care Benefit
Child Care Benefit helps you with the cost of child care for long day care, family day care, occasional care, outside school hours care, vacation care and registered care."
If you're the poster I'm thinking of, I'm sure you will be back with many reasons why you can't access the CCB. If you're not, find out what assistance you're entitled to. Posted via Mobile Device
You never know.. If you were to get a job your employer might just be willing to work with you on needing time off when your kids are out of school. Most employers understand that their employees are human and have families.
In the meantime is there anything that you can cut back on to stretch your husbands pay? I consider one of my most important jobs as a SAHM is being thrifty. Being careful with the money he has worked hard to earn is a major way that I show my appreciation to him.
Haniel, I have to agree with some posters above, the family portrait is the least of your problems. Your husband is angry and resentful, and you need to work on that. Plenty of women work with children. I think you may need some outside advice on what to do, and I hope you can access that locally.
12Likes
My husband will not be in family portrait:( 
