AFMama

Before my husband and I got married I was an extremely independent woman. I worked full time, attended college and was raising a child with no assistance or contact from the father. After we got married I became a stay at home mother for our three girls. I love our children and love being with them but the fact that I wasn't contributing financially to our household made me feel extremely insignificant. I felt depressed and worthless. Well after talking to my husband I went and enlisted in the Air force reserve.(He is Active Duty Air force) I got excited and started feeling alive again knowing that I was working twords a way to help support our family. Since I did and started to come out of my depression, My husband began to withdraw. He started playing his video games all of the time which he only plays the video games when he is mad or upset. He is keeping things from me and it seems like he is just kind of going through the steps when it comes to affection. I have given him space and will continue to do so if it will help but my god I am tired of feeling like a damn prop in the house! Does he feel emasculated because I want to work??? Ladies and Gents please help me out!

Gaia

Geeze... I hope this doesn't happen in my case... I've felt depressed and worthless for the same reason you have and right now my own hubby and i agreed on me going to the airforce this year.... Have you talked to your own hubby about this?

AFMama

I'm not entirely sure that it has anything to do with it at all...But that has been the only thing that changed recently. I'm just worried that in order to make myself feel significant to the relationship I maybe putting a strain on the relationship. He was completely supportive until I actually made it in and then things changed. I don't want to make him feel insignificant but at the same time I can't compromise myself....Is that how you feel?

Gaia

After reading your post I went and asked my hubby if he would feel emasculated or insignificant at any time... he assured me he wouldn't. I then told him to let me know if something does bother him. I did explain to him though that yes I've felt worthless and depressed, a bit trapped, ect since before i met him i was so used to being the provider(for my mother and sisters). He does understand how i feel and another factor for my decisions is that we do need the extra income. This has been and is an ongoing discussion with my hubby and yes he had expressed at one point that the thought made him feel a bit insignificant because he felt he was suppose to be the provider. Perhaps you just need to have a serious conversation with your hubby about this? Ask him how he truly feels? It may be that he.. like my hubby... feels that he is suppose to be the provider and take care of his family. Of course I did point out to hubby that with the way things are... and with three kids.. one income isn't going to be enough and he does understand that. I also assured my own hubby that i didn't think less of him nor would i. Perhaps yours may need reassuring? Maybe do some things such as massage his feet, bake him a pie or make him a meal or something to show him that yes you still see him as a man?

Gaia

I will probably run into the same problem .. and this gives me a bit of an insight and yes i do feel like i don't want to compromise myself either. I feel like i need this, especially to boost my own self esteem. Before I had decided to go for the air force though.. i had planned on getting a degree to become a nurse. Now I was just thinking along the lines of... Well with that.. i can get a job anywhere .. but my hubby had been looking at how much a nurse would make and he became a bit competitive, showing a bit of jealousy in fact that i would have been making more in that line of work then he would in his. I had to assure him then that it wasn't about who makes more... it's about both of us working as a team to support our family and make a better life for the kids.

Mmommy1

You say you've been giving him space....did he ask for space? Or has his recent lack of interest in you caused you to feel you have no choice but to back off? He may feel like you're new work is consuming you and that you no longer have time for him, which in turn is making him depressed and causing him to pull away. You should plan a special night for the two of you after the kids are asleep. Even if he is playing his video games....get all "dolled up" and bring him an ice cold beer and turn the tv off. See if he responds to you...cause like I said, he may feel like a second choice to your new job as you do to his video games.
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Gaia

This could be it as well.

AFMama

lol i haven't started work yet, I leave for basic in November. Trust me, I tried the "Special time" Even dolled up like an old fashion pin-up (the is his thing if you get my meaning) I try being lovie still just not bugging him with the whats bothering you question all of the time.

Gaia

Has he let on how he's feeling at all?

AFMama

If I say anything at all he just kisses me on the four head or some other kind of intimate touch then turns back to his computer.

Gaia

Do you tell him that you really need to talk seriously about this? How it makes you feel and how important it is to you to know that he is still ok with it?

AFMama

oh and as far as your other post goes....He loves you! I'm not sure if you two have agreed that this will be your last child or that it is just a little more difficult of a pregnancy but it is what it is. He doesn't think your fragile or delicate, He thinks your the most beautiful woman in the world, Carrying a baby you created together and about to bring another angel into his life. Always give him a little hell for it because I'm sure he loves a little but don't make him feel like you don't appreciate him being there =) Congrats on the third child darlin.

Gaia

lol thanks.. i do tell him i appreciate it but i do make a point to remind him that he's seeming to act as if im fragile and i am not. I told him i wanted the shot for now.. since he does want to have more kids at a later time.