Am I over reacting?

hopelessinwa · 11-19-2007, 08:31 AM

My finace both have kids from previous relationships. Not a big deal. When we talked about moving in together we decided to buy a house. With my credit from struggling from being a single mother for 16 years, I dont have the best rating. So we decided to just have him put it in his name. I guess that was my first mistake.

I took time off work to get the paper work in to the loan processor, for the inspeciton, for the repair and such. He worked 2 hours from town at the time, so it was easier for me to do it. And I didnt mind. That is what relationships are about working together for a common goal.

Anways, the other night he had a mortage protection lady come out. We found out he may be going to iraq. He wanted me to be a part of this so I was with him from the time she got there. She made the comment that it was nice that HE wanted to make sure I WAS PROTECTED. Of course I said yes and it made me feel good about our relationship.

Well when it came time to list the benificiaries, he list his EX MOTHER IN LAW and TWO KIDS!!!! What a blow to me!!! So of course I lost it.

I dont understand why he even wanted me to be a part of this? Why move in with me, why build a home together if it is for HIM and HIS KIDS only, He knew he was going to list them why have me sit there and slap me in the face with this. This was worse than just punching me in the face. I feel like he took a knife to my chest and ripped my heart out.

His reasoning for this is because we have been argueing. SO what there should have never been a second thought in his mind that I should have been on there, and with a stipulation that if something did happen to him, when I decided to sell the house I would have to give his kids half. I make half the damn payments on this house, and I am now just so hurt and lost. I cant understand why he would do that.

I told him its nice to know its not OUR house its HIS house. I told him I was no longer going to put money towards a house that if something happens to him I would be homeless. How fair is this to me? Am I over reacting? I just dont get it.

draconis · 11-19-2007, 09:14 AM

Here is my point of view on the matter.

First the kids should have come first, period. However he should have also considered you too.

I agree that if you are not considered half owner that you should not have to pay period. When my wife and I where first together I owned a house prior to meeting her. She never once made a payment on it, put in to the heating or repairs. She did pay for internet and phone however.

I think you are justified in so far as to be a co-signer IF he wants to build a life together with you. If for credit reasons you can not be then having you on an insurance policy would be nice.

draconis

hopelessinwa · 11-19-2007, 09:48 AM

Yes the kids should have been a part of that. But his ex-mother in law? I dont get it. It should have been stipulated that the money was to go to pay off the house, and then if I was to ever sell it, that half the proceeds go to his kids. That I can understand. The way he went about it was totally wrong and totally unfair to me. If he trusts his ex mother in law so much why doesnt he marry her instead of me? I am just really upset and not sure if our relationship can with stand this. I dont want to be with someone who is going to his ex mother in law before me. I told him I will no longer pay any part of the house payment but would pay my share of the phone, cable, electric and such but why would I want to help him build equity in something that I can not call OURS, he made it clear that it is his. He just came back with the comment that if I didnt pay part of the house payment I would have to move. I am ok with that, but he is now stuck with me until I save the money to be able to move. I have given this house my all, and over 3/4's of my pay a month, well I feel I need to now save money so I have a cushion to fall back on if this doesnt work out. He doesnt understand that so what can I do?

draconis · 11-19-2007, 10:51 AM

Well, it sounds like he sealed his own fate here. Depending on the state you live in he might not even be able to ask you to move out for a reasonable time. Matbe next time it should be plainly stated that the house is in both of your names or if you two recover from this he puts your name on the title with him.

draconis

hopelessinwa · 11-19-2007, 04:13 PM

Its not just this situation. There are others also. It seems that everything is about him and not about us. We bought this house together even if my name is not on the loan. So now I will not put any money to a house that is not mine or ours just his. I know there were other options he had on the insurance policy and he knew what he was doing before we met the lady. Not only did he make me feel stupid, and about the size of an ant in front of her, he just showed me what our relationship really meant to him. I have been in relationships where they were one sided and I refuse to be in another. Maybe going to see the counselor will help tomorrow maybe not. But I will at least atempt it. Because I do love the man. For what reason I am not sure after all this though!!!

draconis · 11-19-2007, 05:52 PM

Do you read your posts, I have agreed with you 90% of the time and you argue anyways. If you want out LEAVE, end problem. I am sure by the sounds of it you will never let this go. So why stay?

You have two things you can do right now say you love him and want him to see things from your point of view and fix the relationship. or Say this was the sraw that broke the relationship and leave it. The hidden choice is to give it a try to see if things can be fixed before leaving.

draconis

hopelessinwa · 11-20-2007, 01:34 PM

Dont mean for to sound like I was arguing with you. I just needing to vent some I guess.

draconis · 11-20-2007, 07:48 PM

I understand that in a relationship, specially when it doesn't go your way it can be frustrating. I know I am not at your level of hurt. If you want to vent just say so, that way I (or others) know how to respond to your post. Rants (or know rants) are easy to respond to but responders sometimes need hinds that it is a rant (me I need to be hit by a ton of bricks sometimes.

draconis

evenow · 11-21-2007, 09:33 PM

I'm coming in late to this--I hope something has been resolved.

It's really a good thing he's shown his true colors now. Imagine if something had happened and you had found out when it was too late? And such a weak excuse--he almost tries to make it your fault, like you'd cut out his children and you've been picking fights so you're unstable. How childish.

I hope in counseling you can get to some of the roots of this behavior!

3plus3 · 11-29-2007, 07:26 AM

Wow, hopeless. I am coming in late on this as well. I can totally understand your anger. What would have been his point to even have you there with the insurance lady? That makes no sense. Hope things have been resolved.