General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Strippers are more than strippers these days. They make their money with lap dances, VIP rooms and private parties.
Private parties are often just a form of prostitution. The girls making the rules means that the rules are more lax not tighter. Rules are mostly about money.
This can be touching, full nudity, sex shows, girl on girl stuff and so on. Along with this can come extras for money. HJs, BJs, full blown sexual prostitution.
Also this can get into the more kinky stuff.
So how long into the relationship before you got a lapdance?
Have you spent much time watching her at work?
Where are these private parties?
My point is that she is not just a stripper. She is in this including private parties. But you are ok about the stripping. You would like her to change jobs. That does not sound very realistic. Sorry but you walked into this with eyes wide open. You should not have expected her to just change who she was.
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what she does in the public bit of the club is fine as far as I'm concerned, it's just walking around naked, the lap dances are more intimate.
It amazes me that some people are actually ok with the above. I know my man sure as hell wouldn't be... hell he doesn't even want me wearing anything with the slightest bit of cleavage lmao.. let alone... would he be ok with a job that required i walk around naked. What confuses me is... you say your ok with her walking around naked in front of other men and yet... your not ok with lap dances? Last I recall ... all strippers participate in lap dances.... I may have remembered wrong .. but either way...
It's bad enough that guys see her naked in the first place without her also making them get urges from some stupid spray!
When you marry a stripper normal marital boundaries go out the window. For a few bucks she will make any random guy have urges in their pants. That is what they pay her for. She will do this for anyone.
If you are having second thoughts about this now, you need to end the marraige now and move on or she needs to stop being a stripper. You have a right to change your mind on this important issue. Do not have children with this woman until this issue is addressed.
a good (guy) friend of mine used to dj at a strip club and of course constantly dated strippers. he had to get out of the business... too much competition and cutting hours and such so he couldnt make as much money.
to this day he's still dating a stripper.. although they've been together for 2 years now. he hates it also and he used to work there so he knows all that goes on there. BUT he justifies it because she makes so much money.
do you guys live some crazy expensive lifestyle? one that would require her to keep doing what she's doing? i'm not saying do this... BUT it might be helpful giving her a deadline to quit dancing. help and encourage her in every way possible to get out of it. its easy for her at this point just to stay where she's at. help her with her resume... mock interviews... if you sit there complacently that's what she's gonna think you are.
How did you know she still emails this customer/? What kind of talk do they have? Does she know that you have access to her mail? Do you think your gf might have a past ?
Strippers are more than strippers these days. They make their money with lap dances, VIP rooms and private parties.
Private parties are often just a form of prostitution. The girls making the rules means that the rules are more lax not tighter. Rules are mostly about money.
This can be touching, full nudity, sex shows, girl on girl stuff and so on. Along with this can come extras for money. HJs, BJs, full blown sexual prostitution.
Also this can get into the more kinky stuff.
So how long into the relationship before you got a lapdance?
Have you spent much time watching her at work?
Where are these private parties?
My point is that she is not just a stripper. She is in this including private parties. But you are ok about the stripping. You would like her to change jobs. That does not sound very realistic. Sorry but you walked into this with eyes wide open. You should not have expected her to just change who she was.
Good luck.
She's not doing private parties, she's done them in the past but swears that she didn't do anything 'extra' at them, she won't do them anymore, we had a huge discussion about them and she agreed not to.
Changing her job IS realistic, that's the point, she can do it at anytime and not have too much hassle in doing so as she still sometimes does jobs relating to the other career.
We don't really have a crazy expensive lifestyle, infact the money from stripping is not as good as it was a few years back.
The customer that emails her, I think he's a bit obsessed with her, he sends messages at least every week like 'good morning o beautiful one, was lovely seeing you last night, hopefully I'll be there for your next shift to spend some more money on you, lots of love and kisses xxxxxxxxxxx' and just crap like that, he also always asks for her bbm or her phone number and he's sent his number to her too! She replies with stuff like 'was lovely seeing you too, hope to see you again soon xxxxxx' so she's not being all lovey with him or anything, it does seem rather one sided but I still don't see the need!
She doesn't know that I have seen these emails and I can't tell her that I have. I only checked because of how often she is on her phone (you know when you can just tell that they're doing something they shouldn't be??).
As for her having a 'past' I don't think so, but can't say for sure, I doubt it though.
well.. its still a messed up situation... but i can see why she's emailing the creepy guy.. he's paying your bills. if she says nothing to him and ignores him.. it will affect her income. think about being a business owner and being rude to a customer.. do you think he/she will ever come back? her body is her business... if she wants to stay profitable she's gotta entertain her clients.. that's what they're there for.
i think as long as she's a dancer you will always have these problems. id focus less on emails and more on big picture. if the money isnt that great and you dont need it then help her get out. even verbal encouragement goes a long way, "baby.. i'd be so proud of you if you worked at ____. want me to help you with your resume?"
maybe remind her that it's time to grow up.. she's married now.. it's time to act like it. and that means only showing her goodies to her hubs. at some point she's going to get older and gravity will take its toll... tell her that she has more to contribute. maybe ask her why she's so connected to this profession? it's not money.. maybe it's attention? there's some root reason why she's not quitting.
well.. its still a messed up situation... but i can see why she's emailing the creepy guy.. he's paying your bills. if she says nothing to him and ignores him.. it will affect her income. think about being a business owner and being rude to a customer.. do you think he/she will ever come back? her body is her business... if she wants to stay profitable she's gotta entertain her clients.. that's what they're there for.
i think as long as she's a dancer you will always have these problems. id focus less on emails and more on big picture. if the money isnt that great and you dont need it then help her get out. even verbal encouragement goes a long way, "baby.. i'd be so proud of you if you worked at ____. want me to help you with your resume?"
maybe remind her that it's time to grow up.. she's married now.. it's time to act like it. and that means only showing her goodies to her hubs. at some point she's going to get older and gravity will take its toll... tell her that she has more to contribute. maybe ask her why she's so connected to this profession? it's not money.. maybe it's attention? there's some root reason why she's not quitting.
I know what you mean but the fact is that these customers will go to the clubs regardless of her emailing them or not and it's just this one customer, I doubt he even spends that much and we did agree that her work stays at work and she wouldn't be in contact with them outside of work. Also, I think it encourages unhealthy behaviour, she's already had one guy attempt to stalk her and I think by making things too personal that it just encourages that kind of thing.
I know what you mean but the fact is that these customers will go to the clubs regardless of her emailing them or not and it's just this one customer, I doubt he even spends that much and we did agree that her work stays at work and she wouldn't be in contact with them outside of work. Also, I think it encourages unhealthy behaviour, she's already had one guy attempt to stalk her and I think by making things too personal that it just encourages that kind of thing.
It sounds to me like this one guy is stalking her with the emails. She might not know how to handle it since she's not being threatening or over stalking.
It might get ugly if she were to stop responding and not participate in this fantasy of his.
It sounds to me like this one guy is stalking her with the emails. She might not know how to handle it since she's not being threatening or over stalking.
It might get ugly if she were to stop responding and not participate in this fantasy of his.
She doesn't have a facebook page as that would again be bringing it home. I did think that maybe she didn't know what else to do but email back BUT the last guy who was constantly harrassing her online she told me about it straight away. If someone is going to get weird with her like that then I'm more than happy to deal with that person and she knows this, there's really no reason for her to feel backed into a corner by this guy.
The places she works at get a steady stream of customers and there aren't many girls on at any one time, it's not like a big club where girls need regulars to survive, far from it.
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Re: Wife is a Dancer 
It obviously meant a shady past..
