General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
As far as how he feels he says he's excited. He wants a big family. Is making sure I'm eating, taking care of myself. Told me to make sure I'm making an appt. to get in with a doc, etc.
courseplotter - it has ALWAYS been this way when we've had to discuss important things such as finances, etc.
What is he not being honest about you think? He doesn't HAVE to be with me?
Also, why is he making future plans for living, finances, etc. now if he's lying about something?
Lamaga - You're right. I need to put my big girl pants on and move on. I'm not 100% happy with my life with him and all of his baggage but deathly afraid of being without him. I'm 37 and have a great job, am attractive, fun to be with so sometimes I just don't "get" why he won't commit how I want? Does that sound crazy?
I know I'm all over the place. Sometimes I think I'm sort of abused by him and don't know what is right from wrong anymore. I question everythign I do with him. I have to rehearse everything I say before a conversation because he says nothing I say ever makes sense so sometimes I feel like I'm crazy. No one will want me.
I don't think he'll ever change for anyone. According to his ex he was always full of himself and very ego maniac. He still is. That's why I'm thinking narcissist.
I'm also thinking that going through with this pregnancy will only make my life harder. He won't be around or I'll get fed up and want him gone. I'm just to a point where my daughter and I are able to hang out, have fun, etc. I feel like I'm starting my life.
Why be tied down more with a guy who is sort of an egotistical scum bag? Right?
Do you think he'll ever change? I get worried some girl will pick up what I view as "my prize".
You're 37? I would have thought you were about 24 or so Sorry.
You have everything going for you and you can be without him. He doesn't sound like anything special. In fact, he sounds like he's doing you a favor by NOT marrying you.
Leave, get child support and be done with this clown. You are a WOMAN...you deserve a MAN.
He won't change. His ex said he was the same...why do you think he'll change for you?? Some girl will pick him up and he'll treat her the same at he's treating you...oh well. You really want this?
He won't change unless he wants to change. Fear of losing you might make him change things about himself.
I don't think he wants to lose you. That said, I don't think he wants to be "pushed" into marriage. I believe he has a plan.............and his plan will include proposing to you when he is ready to do so. You're going to have his baby and therefore he will always be in your life.
Are you in love with him? Do you feel he is in love with you? It sounds like he's a good father to the other kids, and I'm sure he will be to the new baby as well.
I say stick around...........you've got alot of time invested, he's created a home with you, and now you're going to have a baby together - which will change the whole dynamics of your relationship and hopefully for the better. In the meantime, let him continue to take care of you, make sure you're eating and what not during your pregnancy. It sounds like he wants to be there for you and with you, but stop bringing up marriage. Right now, there are other things to deal with. When all the ducks are in a row, it will happen, but that is up to his timing......not yours.
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~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
What is he not being honest about you think? He doesn't HAVE to be with me?
Also, why is he making future plans for living, finances, etc. now if he's lying about something?
but deathly afraid of being without him. I'm 37 and have a great job, am attractive, fun to be with so sometimes I just don't "get" why he won't commit how I want? Does that sound crazy?
I've followed this thread, and finally decided to throw my 2 cents into the pot. Quit trying to figure out why he's doing this or why he's not doing that, etc.
He won't commit how you want because you have no control over what he chooses to do. Here is all you can control in your life: what you think, how you feel, and what you say. Not one human being, in the history of the world, has been able to control anyone, unless that person wished to be controlled.
The known evil is better to stick with, no matter how bad it is, than the unknown evil. What you have is the known evil. You make a decent living, which is a heckuva lot more than many people in the current economy. You are not ancient. There are over 300 million people living in this country today. I am fairly certain there is a man out there who would be a far better fit for you.
Being afraid of being alone means it's time for you to get into some pretty intensive IC. You are not alone. You have family. You have friends. You have acquaintances at work.
Hanging onto this man is just self-perpetuating your misery. He does not want to marry you. Why not proceed with evicting him from YOUR apartment, which takes 30 days, or move to your own apartment and leave him there to fend for himself.
At least you will find out, beyond a shadow of a doubt, whether or not he really wants to be a part of your life.
I am honestly confused as to why a woman with your financial independence would want to remain with an immature, emotionally-stunted, man like this one. Your life. Your choice. But right now, as things stand HE DOES NOT WANT TO MARRY YOU. Do yourself a huge favor. Let him have it that way. You deserve one heckuva lot better than what this character has to offer. Really.
__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
This i disagree with. It shouldn't happen when just HE is ready.. and it shouldn't happen when just SHE is ready.. but she shouldn't have to sit and wait for him to decide she is finally worth it. That... is unfair to her imo even if he wasn't as bad as he is.
courseplotter - it has ALWAYS been this way when we've had to discuss important things such as finances, etc.
What is he not being honest about you think? He doesn't HAVE to be with me?
Also, why is he making future plans for living, finances, etc. now if he's lying about something?
I'm also thinking that going through with this pregnancy will only make my life harder. He won't be around or I'll get fed up and want him gone. I'm just to a point where my daughter and I are able to hang out, have fun, etc. I feel like I'm starting my life.
I dunno. The guy probably has trust issues or issues with personal conflict (and no tools to think clearly and process conflict in the moment). It's hard to say knowing nothing but your perception of it and nothing about his life.
Also, re: lying and the future. He's not being honest about his feelings if he is trying to put it all back on you with those types of comments. He could be trying to coast through life and marriage = some kind of trigger, as well as being rather poor at communication.
And if you are thinking of terminating the pregnancy, I think it's an absolute shame that those are your reasons. I've heard a lot of excuses, but those are pretty staggering. If you'd like, I can put you in touch with some people who have gone through it, though. (I'm sure this will cue the my-body-my-choice people.)
(I'm sure this will cue the my-body-my-choice people.)
Sure it's their body.. but that child has a body of his/her own... and imo... they are robbing that child of a choice if they do abort. But thats just my viewpoint. (Sorry for going off topicish.)
I think anyone who has views on what Kitty should do with her pregnancy should a) ask themselves if it's any of their business and b) if so, contact her privately.
I think anyone who has views on what Kitty should do with her pregnancy should a) ask themselves if it's any of their business and b) if so, contact her privately.
I don't even recall her saying anything about aborting in the first place... i think it was just thrown out there for some odd reason?
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Re: Will he ever marry me? Should I move on? 
Sorry.
