General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
When I met my man he was always a night owl. But the latest he would stay up would be midnight/1am...
In the past few years, especially the past 2, since becoming a student and working 3 nights per week as a 'dial a sober driver' so sometimes gets home at 4-5am he has been coming to be later and later. This morning he came to bed at 9am!! We have had many discussions/arguments over this and his reasoning is that it is easier to study at the time of night, there are no distractions. But I am dealing with this and the lack of sex (That's in another thread) I'm really struggling! I'm finding myself wanting other male attention, I have been texting a guy friend of mine more and more. Also I have signed up to a dating site.
There is way more to this story if you have any questions.
Please help!
I can understand the craving for attention, but don't seek it elsewhere. Are you married or just dating? You refer to him as your "man" so I want to get a clarification.
His going to bed super late seems to make sense considering his schedule. Think of it as is someone worked an overnight shift. They tend to sleep all day.
When I met my man he was always a night owl. But the latest he would stay up would be midnight/1am...
In the past few years, especially the past 2, since becoming a student and working 3 nights per week as a 'dial a sober driver' so sometimes gets home at 4-5am he has been coming to be later and later. This morning he came to bed at 9am!! We have had many discussions/arguments over this and his reasoning is that it is easier to study at the time of night, there are no distractions. But I am dealing with this and the lack of sex (That's in another thread) I'm really struggling! I'm finding myself wanting other male attention, I have been texting a guy friend of mine more and more. Also I have signed up to a dating site.
There is way more to this story if you have any questions.
Please help!
This spells imminent doom for your relationship. If you want it to work you need to stop that behavior NOW and have a serious sit down with your "man". Have you told him the lack of sex is leading you to seek attnetion from other men? You state in a later post that it is 7:30 pm and he's still in bed...if you want to be with him that much have you given thought to snuggling up next to him in bed, or waking him up in a surprise way...that's what I would do in this situation, rather than hooking up with strangers on a dating site.
Yea he is my husband we have been married for almost 2 years but been together 9 years. I must say I am surprised at the reactions I'm getting. Let me clarify his work hours a little. He works Mon & Tues until 1am and Saturday nights until 4am. I understand getting home at 4am, needing to chill out for a couple of hours then coming to bed and sleeping most of Sunday. I am more than ok with that. But when I work Mon-Fri 5am-1pm and go to bed early during the week at 8.30pm and he's only just getting up for the day when he HASN'T work the night before, I am not ok with.
He has been to see a specialist and he has a sleeping disorder, basically its a backwards body clock. But he was given ways to deal with this. We tried it the first 2 weeks and he was awesome! Now he has reverted back. Everytime I bring this up he bites my head off, I don't think he WANTS to change! Although he keeps telling me he gets frustrated with his sleeping patterns.
Mrs. T, Sometimes I do snuggle with him in the afternoons and sometimes I do wake him up with lunch when I get home from work or I offer to take him out for a coffee.
Mrs. T, Sometimes I do snuggle with him in the afternoons and sometimes I do wake him up with lunch when I get home from work or I offer to take him out for a coffee.
I'm glad you make an effort. I understand this is hard for you but your husband is on a totally different time frame than you are. Basically he's a third shifter and it would be foolish to expect him to be able to swich his sleep timing around on the days he doesn't work. The body has its own clock and he is already messing it up by working the hours he does, trying to stay awake when normally he is sleeping can be very unhealthy. It seems like both of you need to make some compromises or adjustments if you want to spend time together.
Hi Mrs. T,
DH has had a couple good nights, coming to bed around 11pm getting up with me at 8.30am. He worked last night until 4.30am, took until 6am to wind down and go to sleep. I'm under instruction to wake him at 1pm. So he can get up early tomorrow morning for appointments. Fingers crossed! I have got 2 weeks off work so am hoping that'll encourage things along...
Yea he is my husband we have been married for almost 2 years but been together 9 years. I must say I am surprised at the reactions I'm getting. Let me clarify his work hours a little. He works Mon & Tues until 1am and Saturday nights until 4am. I understand getting home at 4am, needing to chill out for a couple of hours then coming to bed and sleeping most of Sunday. I am more than ok with that. But when I work Mon-Fri 5am-1pm and go to bed early during the week at 8.30pm and he's only just getting up for the day when he HASN'T work the night before, I am not ok with.
He has been to see a specialist and he has a sleeping disorder, basically its a backwards body clock. But he was given ways to deal with this. We tried it the first 2 weeks and he was awesome! Now he has reverted back. Everytime I bring this up he bites my head off, I don't think he WANTS to change! Although he keeps telling me he gets frustrated with his sleeping patterns.
Surprised...why? Because you basically admitted to cheating and looking for outside attention? What was expected on a marriage forum that advocates monogamy? Talk to your husband, stop texting the male friend. Stop looking for outside male attention. Good that you deleted the dating profile, but the fact remains that you went looking. If you don't want to be in the marriage, then let him go. Don't go looking for outside attention.
And I am very familiar with weird sleep schedules. My husband is not working. His doctors won't let him go back until they get his meds sorted out. Many nights, he's in bed, sleeping, by 9pm. I am usually up until 11pm-12am...your husband could be dealing with depression. Trust me when I say that texting a male friend, looking for attention from men other than your husband...all of that... it will NOT help him in anyway. Been there, done that. Stop the destructive behavior and look for ways to reconnect with your husband.
Maricha75,
Thanks, Yes have stopped looking for other male attention, it's been 3 days now. Hubby and I have been doing a fair bit together over the past 3 days too, so looking up!
I don't want to lose him so, reality check set in!
Thanks everyone!
Advice Seeker, i was on the same boat with my partner before- not about sleeping paterns but emotional disconnection.
I tried to get male attention behind his back (just calling and texting) because he would not give me the quality time i deserve and voila! karma bites me in the ass!
but eversince we had a deep and meaningful conversation and tried to respect each other more, we are emotionally reconnected again.
i just fear the days when his friends invite him to stripclubs again and i would be left at home wondering what level of interaction he would have with them
anyway point is, when something goes wrong like this, do not sweep it under the carpet. talk or do something about it immediately.
wish everything goes smoothly for u from here..
6Likes 
Husband may be depressed?! 
