Role thesis (work in progress) - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 1 (permalink) Old 11-21-2007, 01:42 AM Thread Starter
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Role thesis (work in progress)

I wish I could complete this as it feels like there is so much more to add, but I really can not consentrate on this, so any advice would help.

Our social roles are defined by the very things that make each of us unique. I have added my opinions to divisions of work within the household however nothing is that cut and dry. All factors need to be looked at to determine if one or both partners are pulling their weight.

Let's be realistic. The first thing we need to decide is what is considered work at home. Laundry, Dishes, Cooking, Cleaning, Garbage, Shoveling Snow, Fixing the Car, Fixing the House, Budget, and Shopping; Can all be considered Work at Home.

Now, I have timed myself doing much of this stuff. I can put in a load of laundry start supper and do the cleaning in under, a three hour period on any given day. If I am really cleaning up with steaming the floors, touch up painting extra under 4 hours.

Children tend to watch themselves; they may need help with homework, need loving or playtime, But if they are to be considered work then there would be nothing else you would have time for and they would consume 168 hours a week, which they don't. I also call into question parents that call children chores. They are not a chore; they are a blessing if you feel differently you shouldn't be a parent.

Another thing I do not deem as a chore is sex. If you feel this way then you need to rethink your relationship.

In regards to children. Quality time is spending it with them on their terms. Helping them with home work, taking walks, going to the park or the beach. Playing games that they want to play, Taking them to their games etc. Being on a computer while the kids are running through the house or entertaining themselves is not interactive childcare nor is it quality time.

To some degree the location of origin makes a big difference in child care and house work. Much of southern Africa, it is considered bad luck for a man to care for his children and therefore taboo. Many that have moved to western countries fight within themselves and their family on this custom.

Religion also plays a role. In Southeast Asia Confucian teaches women to be completely responsible for the house hold. It is seen as shameful for men to do house work. Additionally a woman was always under a man through out her life. Young were under their fathers while a wife under her husband and finally the vassal of her son. In Vietnam the communist party promised equality to women. Women in the work force are at 80% compared to men at 90% employment and make roughly 87% of what men do there. Household chores tend to be divided 60/40.

Islam often teaches to marry only other Muslims. Additionally it is a cultural thing to be macho and stern. Many Muslims look at the ideal husband as handsome, good income and from an influential family, or characteristics may be considered but often further down the list. A Muslim man is expected to be able to take car of his wife or wives. Although Islam teaches a good fatherhood role model often cultural differences take hold. [Ibrahim Bowers]

Work consideration. Let's be realistic there are some jobs more stressful and some jobs that are more physical. These should be factored in as well as the guides below. It is just as hard to work a job 20 hours a week as a roofer as 40 hours answering a phone.

Single Full Time Income and the Stay at home ~ Fewer families actually do this in the US today then ever before. But there are still 5.5 million that do this. Majorities that stay at home are the mothers. However a rising percent are men, some 100,000 choose to let their wives work while they stay at home and raise the kids.

The problem with Stay at home dads is they are thought less of by everyone. They are emasculated by society. They are thought less of. Not a good husband. Must be whims, or whipped or can't handle "real" work.

Though out society in media and television men are thought of as the lesser partner and lesser parent. It is harder for a man to get custody during a divorce. Most men are portrayed as inept like the movie Mr. Mom, or Daddy Daycare where they only get better at the end. Imagine the outrage if a major movie came out with a woman as an inept parent? Most TV sitcoms of the 50's & 60's showed men as the inept half of a married couple and even to this day watch commercials where it is always the white male that is stupid, or not in the knowing.

50% of women with children under school age prefer to be stay at home mothers even if they work. - Dale O'Leary. "The Reality of Happy Homemakers"

On many forums I have seen men complain that they work 40-60 hours and have a SAHW yet they are expected to do half of the chores. With the gender revolutions of the 30's, 40's, 50's and 70's many more women are doing traditional work outside the home.

Now without regard to gender the SAH should only be doing 80% of the house work. Each parent should spend no less then 24 hours a week with the children. In this case the working parent should still be doing 4-6 hours a week at home.

Dual Income families ~ Both parties work equally. Home should be done equally. 50/50 on taking care of the kids and work at the house. To be fair All work considerations must be made.

Full time/Part time ~ It is becoming more common that one parent works full time while the other works part time. In this case the full time should be doing 1/3 of the work or 7-10 hours a week in the house. The part time should be doing the remainder.

Double time Sometime a family decides one person will work more then 60 hours a week. It might be for economical reasons or for stability or just by chance. What ever the reason other then giving a break to the major parent from the kids. 7-14 hours should be minimum no matter what the hours the working parent actually works. Bedtime stories and a day on the weekend are good for this.


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