Husband want to visit a girl friend out of state

Maricha75 · 06-07-2012, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kbhg

Thanks! I will keep an eye on this matter. She's friend with him on facebook and we made our relationship clear on facebook so she must know that we're married. Anyway, I hope things will be ok.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gaia

I believe.. many here have established... facebook is doom and gloom for marriage so be careful with that...

I can attest to that. A woman my husband and I knew from an online game was friends with BOTH of us on Facebook. While Facebook wasn't to blame for the problem, it certainly didn't help either. Not gonna tell you to go all out at this point, but stay aware at the very least.

sculley · 06-07-2012, 06:44 PM

When I got married we have a Facebook couple page no individual. When we were dating he deleted his account because women would start things. I am so glad to hear that awesome outcome!,,, good luck my dear
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MattMatt · 06-07-2012, 08:13 PM

No. Not acceptable behaviour in a married man.

Wanting a Strong Marriage · 06-08-2012, 06:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kbhg

Thanks for all of your advice!
I already told him that I want to go with him and he said no. Then he asked why I didn't trust him and how he didn't want to ruin out marriage. What should I tell him back?

He's a very responsible and good man[/COLOR].

It is not responsible or good to go out of town to visit an opposite sex friend on a trip to which your spouse has been forbidden to join you. It is disrespectful at the very least. And frankly, I would really be asking a lot of questions about why he said no. That is not reasonable. There is something fishy about this. Something's not right.

memyselfandi · 06-08-2012, 04:19 PM

I give you credit for even tolerating the idea and wanting to go along as I'd be putting the kabosh on the entire idea on no uncertain terms!!

I hate to say it but a good man wouldn't TELL his wife that he was going to go visit an old girlfriend by himself..sorry. He wouldn't even consider the idea and you have every right to feel the way you do. It's just plain not kosher for a married man to be visiting an old girlfriend without his wife.

In addition, what's to catch up on that he needs to go and visit her if they're already chatting online? You're a lot more tolerant than I would be since I wouldn't even put up with that!!

Good luck with this one as you say you have a great relationship with your husband but if he insists on disrespecting your feelings and going without you anyway...I don't think that says a whole lot for him as a good hubby. Again..sorry.

OneLoveXo · 06-08-2012, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TRy

Wow, he just told you to your face that when in the presence of the other woman (OW), they will be the couple and you will be the third wheel that gets left out. In other words, he would chose her over you. This friendship is more than just a friendship. It is way out of bounds of normal. He will soon be or already is in an emotional affair with this OW. This trip will give him the possible opportunity to escalate it to a physical affair (PA), which is why he does not want you to go.

He should not only forget the trip but you should demand full no contact with this OW. You are in a fight for you marraige and time is not on your side. The more he gets in the fog the more likely that you will lose the fight. Be prepared to tell him that you will see and attorney and mean it. Being willing to end the marriage because you will not be walked on or cheated on actually increases the odds of your marraige working out long term.

^^^This. It's is not normal for husband act like this. Clearly it's MORE than just a friendship, it's beginning of EA that will probably lead to PA if he goes alone. I would not believe that he is staying in hotel, even if he is it does not mean he will stay there. And it's extremely weird he won't bring you when there is another person going to be there, it's bull ****.

Have him cut ALL contact with that woman, what he is asking for is rediculous especially since he won't let you go with him. he is YOUR husband, either he chooses you or her. If he goes without you it's clear sign he has chosen her... I would file for divorce at this point.

If he had said "yes" the first you asked going with him than I wouldn't be worried about him having contact with her, but the fact he says no is BULL ****, he obviously has other intentions.

She can stay at your house or you go there, do not take anything esle for answer. If he goes nonetheless than you should probably seek a divorce attorney. He has NO reason/excuse of why he should go without you, why wouldn't he want you to go, unless he had something planned that he didn't want you to know of.

It's weird he is going to visit a female friend out of state in first place, and even weirder to deny his WIFE going with him. It's a NO NO.

OneLoveXo · 06-08-2012, 06:09 PM

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Originally Posted by occasionallybaffled

Say he does come to his senses and either: doesn't go or takes you with him... I would still keep an eye on him for the near future. Maybe next time he won't tell you all the details. Not trying to to plant doubt, but his ability to make good judgements is seriously lacking.

As much as I hate to say it I have to agree with this.

OneLoveXo · 06-08-2012, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kbhg

OK, I just talked to him on the phone and told him how wrong it is and, how he turn it around on me. I said that I will not let him go without me and respect my wishes.

Surprisingly, he didn't defend any more and said he will respect my wishes and how he's lucky to have me and love me.

Thank you you all for giving me these advise. I'm newly married and still don't have a lot of experience. I guess I found another home here in this forum.

Awesome! Happy for you! It's good of you to put your foot down like that for any future problems

OneLoveXo · 06-08-2012, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kbhg

Thanks! I will keep an eye on this matter. She's friend with him on facebook and we made our relationship clear on facebook so she must know that we're married. Anyway, I hope things will be ok.

Whether or not she is clear on your relationship makes no difference. Women sleep with married man ALL the time.
As the person says, I would put down some sort of security/spy thing on your computer, some will record every activity and pictures of pages they visit.

I know it seems wrong, but monitor him for couple months, if nothing suspiscious you can stop. Some men give in to their wives wishes but just pursue it later behind their backs. So monitor and make sure he is as honest and responsible as you said he is. I do wish you all the best, but protect yourself