heartache

I've read a few posts this morning about a few members who see thier wives as different ppl due to circumstances. Lately I've seen myself change for the worse. I've had all this built up sexual energy that spilt over into my personality. I seem to have little patience for anything. I used to be labled the "nicest person ever" and I dont' see myself like that anymore. I am ashamed how I behaved towards one friend of mine, we are close to some respect, as in all things we tell one friend one thing we are comfortable with and another ...
My friend is one of those keep to myself friends, once in awhile venture out of the shell and say something , but once all said and done it's like that was enough, not saying anymore "you know to much "". I can't let you in! My friend has the victim behavior, it's like everyone is out to hurt, since a bad situation with former spouse.
I lost my patience, I felt close to my friend a few nites ago wanted to chat, and I think was treated wrongly. I was ignored to an extent and I think in my heart some ways ridiculed for just wanting to chat. I told my friend exactly what i thought of our one sided friendship, I have always been there, personal and work issue, always checked up to see if things were going okay, and all I get is i'm fine , busy, busy, busy. In my heart I knew it was maybe a brush off for me, I just didn't take the hint sooner, until a few days ago. ( i feel like crap ), or what I thought was a hint. I told my friend when she was in turmoil I was there, never even thought second about spending time, calling, writing, etc. I never judged , held my heart open to whatever was said. All i expected perhaps inside me was maybe a hi, check in with me see how I'm doing ,,, "is that what friends do"? It's always I'm busy, or I'll catch you later and it was me who after not hearing from her figured as a friend should check and see how things are as she just made a move recently etc..... Then I was reading a previous topic from someone and someone said " a need behavior" It struck a cord with me, is that what this friendship was " I need you ( meaning me) at this time " now that you've supported me thru some heavy stuff , I dont' need you anymore.

Anyway, believe it or not I miss her already. I want to call, txt her but I can't. I did tell her that I can't have a friendship like this with her, she walks in when things are tuff and walks out again, and there is no in between.
Was I wrong, am I an idiot? All this personal stuff in my life has it really spilt over into my frienships. No matter what I go through I always remember kindness and if I forgot then I am always apologizing..
Am I expecting way to much?
Gosh I do hate myself this morning?

Ready To Give Up

It sounds like you are very unsure of yourself at this time in your life and feel a bit of resentment towards your friend because you were there for her when she needed but is no where to be found when you are going through chaos. I would be thinking the same things if I were in your shoes.

It is hard to say what she is thinking but her behaviour does seem a bit selfish. If she truly was a good friend she would care about your well-being. I would back off maybe and find somebody else to talk to. The more you try to get her to listen to you(and if she doesn't), the more resentment will build. Just feel good about the fact that you did something good for another human being which came from the bottom of your heart. If she can't do the same for you then that reveals alot about about her character. Maybe just straight out ask her why she doesn't want to be there for you?

T-Dub

A true freind is someone that you can't see for ten years and then one day pick up the phone, and talk like it was yesterday. I think you should tell her that u need someone to talk with, like you did with her.

Deejo

Every friend comes with a tolerance threshold. This is why I so strongly advocate therapy - if I'm paying somebody they'd better damn well listen.

All of my friends are aware of the circumstances taking place between my wife and I at the moment. Most of them are not of the stripe that I would share deep feelings or concerns with. Either because I know it would make them uncomfortable, or it would make me uncomfortable.

There is another factor to consider, seldom are the friends that seek us out for emotional support actually capable of giving that same level of support.

heartache

There is another factor to consider, seldom are the friends that seek us out for emotional support actually capable of giving that same level of support.

I never thought of it that way. I am saddened by all of this, I am not sure if I had high expectations but I know I had some that in turn I would have her near me when needed. I can understand some things are uncomfortable for us, and we never try and assume someone else can handle it. My friend used to ask me what kind of mood I was in before saying something to me. It drove me nuts....... i am a firm believer if you want to say something to me "say it" be careful with words but say it anyway. I am very open and loving, caring, but what I can't tolerate is the walk around excuses, busy, busy just because ??? Treat me with the same kindness and love I treated you with and we get along just fine. I do believe she's selfish, but selfish can present problems....
With my marriage the way it' is with sexual issues, my husband taking his attitude a step farther all my built up sexual energy and no place to go with it and now this friendship I felt could be with me forever, and now look at it a mess and I'm so upset my insides are in going flip flop with this. In some ways I wish she'd write me , not sure how I would or if I would answer her back, it might go good for awhile and then it would be back to this.