I've read a few posts this morning about a few members who see thier wives as different ppl due to circumstances. Lately I've seen myself change for the worse. I've had all this built up sexual energy that spilt over into my personality. I seem to have little patience for anything. I used to be labled the "nicest person ever" and I dont' see myself like that anymore. I am ashamed how I behaved towards one friend of mine, we are close to some respect, as in all things we tell one friend one thing we are comfortable with and another ...
My friend is one of those keep to myself friends, once in awhile venture out of the shell and say something , but once all said and done it's like that was enough, not saying anymore "you know to much "". I can't let you in! My friend has the victim behavior, it's like everyone is out to hurt, since a bad situation with former spouse.
I lost my patience, I felt close to my friend a few nites ago wanted to chat, and I think was treated wrongly. I was ignored to an extent and I think in my heart some ways ridiculed for just wanting to chat. I told my friend exactly what i thought of our one sided friendship, I have always been there, personal and work issue, always checked up to see if things were going okay, and all I get is i'm fine , busy, busy, busy. In my heart I knew it was maybe a brush off for me, I just didn't take the hint sooner, until a few days ago. ( i feel like crap ), or what I thought was a hint. I told my friend when she was in turmoil I was there, never even thought second about spending time, calling, writing, etc. I never judged , held my heart open to whatever was said. All i expected perhaps inside me was maybe a hi, check in with me see how I'm doing ,,, "is that what friends do"? It's always I'm busy, or I'll catch you later and it was me who after not hearing from her figured as a friend should check and see how things are as she just made a move recently etc..... Then I was reading a previous topic from someone and someone said " a need behavior" It struck a cord with me, is that what this friendship was " I need you ( meaning me) at this time " now that you've supported me thru some heavy stuff , I dont' need you anymore.
Anyway, believe it or not I miss her already. I want to call, txt her but I can't. I did tell her that I can't have a friendship like this with her, she walks in when things are tuff and walks out again, and there is no in between.
Was I wrong, am I an idiot? All this personal stuff in my life has it really spilt over into my frienships. No matter what I go through I always remember kindness and if I forgot then I am always apologizing..
Am I expecting way to much?
Gosh I do hate myself this morning?