General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Emotional Affair, yes. But what exactly is that? Maybe I am the only one here wondering and it is a dumb question.
It seems everybody uses this term and knows clearly what it means, so I hope I get some clues or a definition. (And I really don't mean to be cynical).
Is it something like a close friendship with someone of the other sex? And if not, what are you doing differently than with a friend?
Are you discussing things that you don't want to discuss at home? And, if yes, would that automatically be something to worry about?
Maybe there is a thread somewhere to explain this term - please let me know.
I would classify it has having romantic feelings for someone else of the opposite sex who isn't ur spouse. also ur spouse is spending an abnormal amount of time with this other person. so whether that's face to face, thru email, IM , Facebook etc.
I would classify it has having romantic feelings for someone else of the opposite sex who isn't ur spouse. also ur spouse is spending an abnormal amount of time with this other person. so whether that's face to face, thru email, IM , Facebook etc.
If it's romantic feelings, could it be considered then as the pre-phase to a PA? (the targeted outcome would still be a PA, right?)
A secret relationship between someone in a committed relationship and a member of the opposite sex that impacts on the level of intimacy in the relationship due to the time and emotional energy they are investing in that friendship. Often someone in an EA will discuss problems in their relationship with the friend, rather than working on the problem with their spouse / partner.
If it's romantic feelings, could it be considered then as the pre-phase to a PA? (the targeted outcome would still be a PA, right?)
I thought I was in a pseudo-EA with my best friend, but one poster said that by my responses there was nothing pseudo about it. There is no targeted outcome in my situation because the OM and I only speak via texting and have sine we met (online). There are feelings between us now, conversation between us has escalated to an inappropriate level in the past 6 months, but we both agreed to take a step back and focus on our friendship because that has always been more important.
Excluding the recent line-crossing, I didn't feel as though I was having an EA because both of us are trying to help each other with our marriages not meet up for a PA or jump ship on our marriages to be together.
sorry to say you are in an EA, read entropy3000 posts, he knows his stuff regarding EA's.
You do know you have to go no contact with this person, a line has been crossed, you can not be just friends. whats more improtant to you, your friendship or your marriage? if they were just helping you with your marriage, you can go see a counsler for that.
A secret relationship between someone in a committed relationship and a member of the opposite sex that impacts on the level of intimacy in the relationship due to the time and emotionally energy they are investing in that friendship. Often someone in an EA will discuss problems in their relationship with the friend, rather than working on the problem with their spouse / partner.
Ok see this is interesting to read, and that's been my own definition as well.
sorry to say you are in an EA, read entropy3000 posts, he knows his stuff regarding EA's.
You do know you have to go no contact with this person, a line has been crossed, you can not be just friends. whats more improtant to you, your friendship or your marriage? if they were just helping you with your marriage, you can go see a counsler for that.
I'm not going to hijack the OP's thread, but there's a lot more to it than that.
A secret relationship between someone in a committed relationship and a member of the opposite sex that impacts on the level of intimacy in the relationship due to the time and emotionally energy they are investing in that friendship. Often someone in an EA will discuss problems in their relationship with the friend, rather than working on the problem with their spouse / partner.
That reads very plausible. Thanks.
But then again: I assume EAs outside a relationship happen usually when there is no great intimacy within the relationship in first place. (Would love for someone to tell me I'm wrong here).
And if so, then it is, I believe, very commonplace for many people to look for advice on their relationship problems with people outside. I believe, when, say, two women are discussing for hours problems in their relationships on a level they would not talk to their spouses, it is not an EA.
Why is it then so worrisome between two people of the opposite sex. Seems to me, because the PA hangs already in the air.
But then again: I assume EAs outside a relationship happen usually when there is no great intimacy within the relationship in first place. (Would love for someone to tell me I'm wrong here).
And if so, then it is, I believe, very commonplace for many people to look for advice on their relationship problems with people outside. I believe, when, say, two women are discussing for hours problems in their relationships on a level they would not talk to their spouses, it is not an EA.
Why is it then so worrisome between two people of the opposite sex. Seems to me, because the PA hangs already in the air.
Because intimacy begets more intimacy. Unless a person is homosexual, this is unlikely to turn into a PA, but between members of the opposite sex, it can and does happen.
EAs don't always (but obviously can) happen because of lack of intimacy in a relationship, but can certainly contribute towards the breakdown of one.
The last thing to help a relationship that is in difficulties is to embark on anything that has the potential to damage it further.
A secret relationship between someone in a committed relationship and a member of the opposite sex that impacts on the level of intimacy in the relationship due to the time and emotional energy they are investing in that friendship. Often someone in an EA will discuss problems in their relationship with the friend, rather than working on the problem with their spouse / partner.
Well said. Emotional infidelity would proceed and emotional affair. Other than with a trained professional, taking one's marital issues to an outsider rather than to one's partner is infidelity. Unfortunately this is so common it is considered to be OK.
Well said. Emotional infidelity would proceed and emotional affair. Other than with a trained professional, taking one's marital issues to an outsider rather than to one's partner is infidelity. Unfortunately this is so common it is considered to be OK.
So are you really saying that getting advice from anyone (friends, family, people on a website) who isn't a trained professional is infidelity?
A secret relationship between someone in a committed relationship and a member of the opposite sex that impacts on the level of intimacy in the relationship due to the time and emotional energy they are investing in that friendship. Often someone in an EA will discuss problems in their relationship with the friend, rather than working on the problem with their spouse / partner.
I like this definition as sufficient for answering the basic question.
I don't think there's automatically a lack of intimacy in the primary relationship in order for a person to get involved in an EA, though a lack of intimacy certainly makes it more likely. A person who is happy with their primary relationship could still meet someone unexpectedly who happens to touch a nerve in them that they want to itch - a longing for excitement, perhaps.
Quote:
Originally Posted by alwaysoverwhelmed
So are you really saying that getting advice from anyone (friends, family, people on a website) who isn't a trained professional is infidelity?
Going to friends, families, or forums isn't likely to build the kind of intimacy that has the person fantasizing romance with someone outside their marriage. Also, friends, families, and forums are more likely to turn the person back to working on the problems with their partner, but when an EA begins, there is a conflict of interest that prevents sound advice from taking place. If I want to be with you, am I really going to help you get your marriage back to great so that I won't ever be able to act on those fantasies of romance?
Short answer: IF you are doing anything you would not want your partner to know about then you are likely on a very slippery slope. Maybe this will help you see if you are having an EA. Looks like it will only take a few minutes. Maybe it will give you more insight.
Going to friends, families, or forums isn't likely to build the kind of intimacy that has the person fantasizing romance with someone outside their marriage. Also, friends, families, and forums are more likely to turn the person back to working on the problems with their partner, but when an EA begins, there is a conflict of interest that prevents sound advice from taking place. If I want to be with you, am I really going to help you get your marriage back to great so that I won't ever be able to act on those fantasies of romance?
Actually that's exactly the case with my best friend of 5 years (OM mentioned in my background thread). My spouse has always been the first person I speak to about an issue, but he no longer likes to communicate with me about much of anything. Due to that, I seek input from others (after trying to talk to him) to see if I'm being subjective and not letting my feelings and emotions interfere too much with my thoughts. My family gives less sound advice than my best friend has in terms of marriage saving/defense. They would have rather I jumped ship years ago.
That must mean that what I'm experiencing is an exception to the normal flow of things, right?
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What's an EA? 
Re: What's an EA? 
