effess

My wife and i cannot agree on our home - in terms of design rehabing certain rooms etc. let me preface this all by saying there's control issues in our marriage ie she has all of it lol.
My wife buys lots of knick knacks and stuff which has contributed to a good amount of clutter. the kids have ALOT of clothes shoes and toys which contributes to the issue. we have a small 2 bedroom condo.
id like to rehab the bathroom and kitchen but want to pay someone else to do it. Im not handy and don't want to spend the little free time i have doing something i don't know how to do. she's fine with this but is VERY particular about who she will allow to do the work. which is basically her brother in law - who's very good but rarely available. so nothing gets done.
She slowly been de-cluttering but not at a fast enough pace for me and I've threatened that if things don't start happening faster by the end of the summer (she's a teacher so is off) Im taking a week off when everyone's back at school and Im going to take care of this myself. which she doesn't like.
My question is can anyone offer tips advice insight into how i can best approach improving our home but a solution everyone is on board with?

alwaysoverwhelmed

Maybe try to make it a big family "project" if the kids are old enough to participate.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

We get a big plastic box (but not too big) and pick up an area of clutter. Then we all sit down and we make three piles:

dump/trash
dump/swap shack/charity donation
keep

The first two categories get taken care of asap, the stuff that's being kept goes in another box.

When the room has been cleaned up of clutter, the stuff in the 'keep' box is organized and gets a home. If there is too much stuff left, some of it can be put in a box for storage, or another cut can be made for give-away or for sale.

Managing clutter is an ongoing process. We have one family member who creates 90% of the clutter in our home.

It's probably not the greatest time to deliver an ultimatum to a teacher. Your wife is probably also dealing with classroom manangement at the end of the school year and that is tough...going from needing to handle school clutter to needing to handle home clutter, even if you are giving her the entire summer it's just no way out right now for her.

I framed the clutter in my house differently, as streamlining our possessions so that we will have time for some of the things we have...such as fishing, archery, cycling, camping, using the telescope and yo-yo's, me teaching the kids how to cook and bake...
I try to explain to my kids how much time it takes to clean around clutter and how it will be impossible to have friends over if our apartment (small) is cluttered most of the time.

Storage boxes are great, even if they are cardboard boxes that are recycled, you can put collections of clutter in them and put them in a closet, if they aren't missed after a long while, it's easier to drop them off at a resale shop or make a charity donation.

Toffer

effess,

Do you really think that this approach:

"I've threatened that if things don't start happening faster by the end of the summer (she's a teacher so is off) Im taking a week off when everyone's back at school and Im going to take care of this myself. which she doesn't like"

is going to help with the other issues you have with your wife?

What I would do is put HER in charge of the remodel and let her sort it all out. Sit together and come up with a budget for the work and then tell her to go out and hire a contractor (even her brother).

It would also be a good idea for you abd her to have a "contract" between the two of you that states that the project will be done within the established budget unless the two of you agree on a process to approve any cost over runs.

You should both also have to agree on the final layouts and design before work starts

Mavash.

You lost me at this.

If this weren't a problem you wouldn't need help with this. Under this scenario finding a solution everyone will be happy with won't work. She isn't going to be happy with anything YOU suggest.

Therefore you have to come at this from YOUR boundaries. What you are or aren't willing to live with then say it OUTLOUD. It's your house too and she shouldn't dictate how it looks all the time. Get yourself in this mindset and the solution becomes clearer.

Start with the clutter: Tell her the clutter isn't okay with you anymore. Tell her either you work together to make it go away or you will take care of it. Put a limit on how many knick knacks can be in any given room. Take back your house. I think of a hoarders episode and I think why oh why did the other spouse allow that to happen?

effess

@ toffer and homemaker - the reason for the ultimatum is that only gets on her pace which is slow. everything is at her pace or is her call. she's essentially in charge of the remodeling now and nothing happens she's so paralyzed w indecision she does nothing. its taken her over a year to pick out new wardrobe for our bedroom and still nothing.

If i take charge and put my foot down maybe something will happen.

effess

She's not as bad as people on hoarders that's another level. its just enough that it makes our place hard to clean and organize. I've said this all a million times in which she generally tunes me out.
To be fair ahead has gotten rid of some stuff its just goes so slow cause she won't throw it out or even donate it she wants to give it to this sister or a particular charity or whatever so even our unfit clutter has to be put to good use (as defined by her).

Encore DT

Without knowing all the details, my only advice is compromise. Your wife is who she is and the only person you have control over is yourself. If she is not doing it "fast enough", maybe offer her some help? If you approach it that way, she is more likely to be receptive, whereas if you threaten and say "I'll take care of it myself if you don't do it fast enough", she is more likely to put up a fight. And sometimes it's just a matter of time, but if possible, I do recommend trying to compromise.

__________________
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Diamond Rings

A Bit Much

Have you addressed this dynamic with her? Why is it all her way?

Is this a marriage or a dictatorship?

effess

When i brought it up last night she replied have i ever heard the expression the man is the head of the family and the woman is the neck.
I told her my life isn't a cliche.

Ten_year_hubby

I'm not understanding why anyone is not on board with you doing all the work. I can understand why someone would not like being threatened though

A Bit Much

She's got jokes I see.

I think you should continue to put your foot down. A marriage is a partnership. When you get married you stand side by side for a reason.

Mavash.

Again she's still running the show. What do YOU want?

Toffer

Think of the money you'll save if she manages this project to a standstill!

She also can't blame any of it on you!

Judging from your previous posts, this seems to be a win for you and you seem to be happy letting her continue to be controlling