Was he cheating?

macy7 · 06-08-2012, 07:36 PM

HI all,

FAirly new here and finally got to subscribe to this type of forum because i think i really need lots of support in my relationship.

I read in an article about 32 ways to emotionally tell if your partner is cheating on you and was heart broken to find most of them applied to my live in boyfriend.

However he doesn't know that i have access to his mobile phone statements and found nothing in there. I also have access to his email and found some flirty messages once in a while but to different girls.

I admit that I am insecure at times only because he lacks intimacy and care towards me, and those are what I consider important.

A few months ago we've been fighting like cats and dogs over his choice of going out with friends instead of taking me out. And after a deep & meaningful conversation recently, we are more respectful of each other now and i can tell he's making an effort.

However coming across that article made me think if he flirted or touched another girl (not necessarily had sex with) while we were emotionally distant from each other?

Does the fact that I saw nothing in his phone statement means Im too paranoid and should lay these questions to rest?

Thanks for taking time to read and have a nice day!

KathyBatesel · 06-08-2012, 08:00 PM

It's tough to say. Obviously, a person can have a one-nighter without ever making a phone call, so I don't think the phone statement is all that reliable. Plus, there are apps that help cheaters evade getting caught. (I just published an article on finding out if someone is cheating called Be Your Own Private Investigator.

I think in your situation, you have to decide whether his ongoing emotional distance is a deal-breaker for you regardless of whether he's being faithful or not. Has he told you what keeps him from being closer? Are your own expectations realistic?

macy7 · 06-08-2012, 08:24 PM

Thanks Kathy

Your first point makes sense but the second wouldn't coz he doesnt have a smart phone and not into technology :-)
Its not an on going emotional distance anymore but i guess i just want to avoid the same thing happening again.

You see, on our 5th yr together he had to move houses and suggested we live in together.
I declined.
On our 8th yr he was telling friends how he looked forward to graduating from his degree and would start making marriage plans.
However he was diagnosed as clinically depressed right after his graduation and i endured hell for a year!
On our 9th yr i agreed to move in with him but he's been unsuccesfully applying for a full time job for 2 yrs now.

I would like to hope that we progress in our relatioship one day and spread some good news to friends and family.
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