General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I think if you can get him talking about what he has always felt was his purpose in life, and what he is/isn't doing with that, you'll get a pretty good idea of what the deeper issue is.
he absolutely hates his job, every aspect of it, from what he does to the people he works with. he started out doing special forces and loved the heck out of it, but we were apart for a year and a half through his training and it was too much for the both of us at the time, seeing as we had just got married and had to be apart. he then requested to be reclassed into a different job and now hates it and wants to go back to his previous job. i still feel guilty for him changing jobs because i was so unhappy and he felt he needed to quit to salvage our marriage. he said he has never resented me for it, but im not so sure. i htink if he could just go back to doing what he loves he would have a change of heart and be happy.
Thanks! i will definitely try this tonight. i think that is he feels adequate at work, he will feel adequate at home. although he doesnt feel that way, im almost positive thats the biggest issue.
he absolutely hates his job, every aspect of it, from what he does to the people he works with. he started out doing special forces and loved the heck out of it, but we were apart for a year and a half through his training and it was too much for the both of us at the time, seeing as we had just got married and had to be apart. he then requested to be reclassed into a different job and now hates it and wants to go back to his previous job. i still feel guilty for him changing jobs because i was so unhappy and he felt he needed to quit to salvage our marriage. he said he has never resented me for it, but im not so sure. i htink if he could just go back to doing what he loves he would have a change of heart and be happy.
I'd say you're getting near the problem here.
He's approaching the age that my husband was when he went through a serious breakdown. Lots of people I know did, it's the time when you realize you're probably not going to be a rockstar/movie star/famous author/Olympic athlete, and you'd better adjust those expectations downwards.
Encourage the counseling and try to help him find work he's happier with. Be as sweet as you can with him, even if he's not being very lovable. My husband credits me with getting him through that bad time, and here we are, still going strong 15 years later. Posted via Mobile Device
he absolutely hates his job, every aspect of it, from what he does to the people he works with. he started out doing special forces and loved the heck out of it, but we were apart for a year and a half through his training and it was too much for the both of us at the time, seeing as we had just got married and had to be apart. he then requested to be reclassed into a different job and now hates it and wants to go back to his previous job. i still feel guilty for him changing jobs because i was so unhappy and he felt he needed to quit to salvage our marriage. he said he has never resented me for it, but im not so sure. i htink if he could just go back to doing what he loves he would have a change of heart and be happy.
Not sure if my answer will have any weight, but ill try.
He has come to a stage where he is questioning his "status". Why am i here for? Am I happy? Whats missing?? He probably feels comfortably numb in his current surroundings, and does not seem to have much stimulation or adventure in whatever he is doing. He is searching for something more, but does not know what it is.
I would suggest, try tapping into what he likes, possibly going on a holiday, joining some clubs of interest to both of you and break away from the boredom. try being more spontaneous and full of suprises.
if this doesnt work, well the problem will seem to be a lot deeper and you will need to get to the root of it.
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Re: Husband unhappy, but says it isnt me. 
