Whining

Ineptitude · 06-10-2012, 10:46 PM

In the end, my problems boil down to one question:

How does one present a valid, recurring concern without it getting dismissed as whining?

When I ask my husband for help with problems (like the house being dirty all of the time or friends leaving their junk all over), he tells me to either fix it or shut up about it. It makes me feel like he's not on my team, and I might as well be single.

Gaia · 06-10-2012, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ineptitude

When I ask you for help with problems (like the house being dirty all of the time or friends leaving their junk all over), you tell me to either fix it or shut up about it. It makes me feel like your not on my team, and I might as well be single.

I would suggest saying this in an assertive, no nonsense tone when he tells you to shut up about it. That way.. you would be expressing how you feel when he does do this...

cocovas09 · 06-10-2012, 10:54 PM

hire a maid. if he has a problem with it then all you can say is that you already tried to talk to him about. but make your life easier.

Ineptitude · 06-10-2012, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gaia

I would suggest saying this in an assertive, no nonsense tone when he tells you to shut up about it. That way.. you would be expressing how you feel when he does do this...

The problem with this is that his mom is the queen of b***ing - to the point of verbal abuse. If I try anything close to this, his defense mechanism is to stop listening until I calm down and then ignore me for the rest of the night.

Maricha75 · 06-11-2012, 08:46 AM

One thing you can fix without his assistance: the friends. If friends try leaving things all over, tell them to take care of their stuff. You are not their maid, they can pick up after themselves.

As for the husband, I like the maid idea. Ask him for help. If he is uncooperative, then suggest getting a housekeeper once or twice each week to help you out. If he balks at the idea, remind him that you need the help and this is one of two options: he helps or you hire someone to do it.

NextTimeAround · 06-12-2012, 12:08 PM

It might be that your husband is one of those managers....ie, Don't come to me with problems, come to me with solutions.

Just do what you think is right. Remind people to pick up after themselves an/or hire a housekeeper. If there's a problem, wait until he approaches you.

One thing I would not do is let the house become a mess. Given the nature of this message board, I can easily imagine a spouse complaining to an EA how their partner can't keep house.