So, that didn't quite go as planned, but first the replies
turnera - he replied, again, I am a man, I didn't
warlock07 - her financial state was fine, she didn't earn a lot, but she was ok, living at her folks, nice and comfy. I don't think she took advantage of me. She's stuck by my side through the finanical issues, and she's done everything she can to help out, she hasn't pestered for new clothes or anything of the sort, she got what she needed, not what she wanted, and she's done that for almost 2 years. These immediate problems are the past 2 weeks.
If I wasn't convinced before tonight it was these miscarriages and other things I am now...all though, my plan didn't quite go to plan.
Bottom line is, tomorrow she is going to her mums to think and see how she feels, I'm looking at this as if its over.
Tonight she came home, on time, I greeted her, we had a little chat about her day, said she felt a little ill as she was moving stuff around for her gran all day. We got a drink and a bite to eat (daughter was at her mums for the night), chatted a bit more, it was nice.
We settled down in the lounge, and she said "so I guess we need to talk properly"...so that was a positive, she wanted to talk. I stated that I had something to tell her, and I told her I had mailed that guy today, and the responses I got. I drilled it clear cut, that he was just after in her knickers...that's where the plan kinda derailed.
She didn't leap to his defense as such, or tell me off for messaging him, she said she had a feeling that I would, but she did question what he had said, and that it didn't sound like him. I showed her the emails and she did seem a little shocked. Then she tries to justify his messages, "well maybe he felt threatened?"..."I don't care, I feel threatened and you as a wife should respect that."
I told her that if we were to move forward with us, we needed to get rid of him, period, end of story, nill contact, that's it. She didn't like that idea very much, and said it felt like I was telling her who she could have as friends, I stressed it wasn't like that, that she could have any friend in the world, but not him.
This went on for a while, and I got agitated and lost my cool, I frogmarched her upstairs in front of the wardrobe and told her that if she couldn't make that simple, easy decision, then she isn't a fitting wife and that she needs to pack all this stuff away and go right now.
Chapter 2 - End of plan, into chaos
I have never in all my days seen a woman break down like my wife did tonight, never, and I've broken some women's hearts. This was quite simply something else, just sheer panic, confusion, delusion and irrational thinking of the highest order. I simply did not know what to do....I swear if we weren't detached and have a few acres around us, the neighbours would of thought I was killing her. It was crazy, and not a word out of her mouth at this point was about him and his friends, this was real deep pain I swear it, about the miscarriages, about how she wanted a family and can't have one with me, about her grandfather, about her lifelong friend she no longer see's EVERYTHING came out in one big mess.
She was screaming at me that I had to make her head stop pounding and that she wanted me to take her somewhere to take to confusion away, it was epic in the most disturbing sense.
I began to think I'd selected the wrong plan lol
After a good hour of this, I managed to calm her down and I left the him and friend thing well alone for a while, he/them wasn't really the problem.
She said she loves me with everything she's got, but she just doesn't know where she is, one thing I picked up on, is that when I play with her daughter, and make her laugh, make things with her, play games, she said it hurts, that it hurts so much to think that we haven't got a child to do that with. That kinda upset me, and is now as I write tbh, because I KNOW that's all she wanted in the world.
She's also VERY worried about these test's next week, and what they come back with, she said that at the moment she's trying to take her mind of the motherly wants that she has, because she doesn't know if we, or her can have children.
She was a bit calmer now, so I picked the moment to talk to her about the game plan, what we were going to do to change things, how we could change it together and make things better...she seems to like all the suggestions and said that it would be good.
At this point we went back downstairs, she wanted a cuddle so I gave her one, a little smooch too which was nice.
I thought things were looking up a little, and for the first time this week, we actually had a rational conversation. She was asking how all this plan would work in a bit more detail, and raising her concerns about other things such as the business, running the house etc, because she knows how much pressure I'm already under.
I told her that she is my wife, my beautiful lady, and that I would take as many hits on the back as needed if it meant we were making ground and she was happy....that went down pretty well.
Next she asked about spending some time at her mums, she said she wanted to be alone and think this through, think about her feelings about everything above. I know I've neglected her somewhat, and I know it hurts her, she understands WHY this is, but it's cut a bit deep I think because its been for so long.
Her reason was simple, and came from her, she said it would be easy to say "Yes, lets do this" but she said she wanted to be certain that she was saying "Yes" to me, and not yes to all the things I can give her, or the easy way out as she put it. I thought this was sensible, but at the same I was dubious of it and aired my concerns.
What's thrown me with all this is how she was, it was crazy, and there is certainly some deep issues with things that are weighing on her far more than our relationship. In a way, if I was having a fit like that, I would probably want to be alone and lick my wounds too.
So, I eventually agreed, this is shot to **** as it is, so the options are say goodbye now, or at least give her some breathing room to think about her feelings.
She's having a short time at her mothers, I've told her that she needs to think and that's it, that's what she is there for. Any funny business with this guy or his mates, and its game over. I told her there wasn't a set deadline, but it won't be long, that I'm not going to wait weeks for her to make up her mind and that if I haven't heard from her in a reasonable time frame, then I will take that as we have parted and I will start proceedings.
So, tomorrow she is going, I told her she is free to contact me via text, or call me if she needed to. I also said that if she was really missing me and made up her mind, then she can call me, tell me, and come home whenever she likes, so long as my deadline hasn't passed. She's going with very little money, enough to cover her day to day running about, and things she may need for her daughter. I'm having all the cards and any over cash out of her purse. She's there to think, so I aren't going to fund any wild nights out.
For me, I'm looking at this as if it is over, when she goes tomorrow, in my mind that is it, end of story. She said that while we were talking, she thought about us not being together and she missed me, even though I was right there, and that she felt positive about the whole thing.
We discussed a few other points, had a few laughs, the line in that MMSL book about Jabba the hut, "Soon you will appreciate me" works....that got her giggling and laughing, I said a bit blaze, "this could be our last night together, our last kiss, our last cuddle, its quite scary to think that" and threw in the Jabba line, and I'm pretty sure it led to the rumpy on the sofa shortly after lol.
I cuddled her in bed until she went to sleep, and I couldn't settle so here I am lol