General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Re: I could do with an outside view on this please.
I wouldn't just jump in the sack, but its sure nice to get some attention when you have been battered like this. A bit of company would be nice, from a female, nothing more, do a few nights out, that's it....give me something else to focus upon and stroke that very battered ego.
I didn't want to call her and hear her BS, and I didn't think she deserved a call it. I sent a short, to the point, messaged worded very well. I didn't outright accuse her of anything I couldn't prove. I cant prove that they have slept together, or kissed or that she HAS cheated on me. But I can prove that she has contacted and messaged him, and that was out of bounds.
Its still over, she hasn't even bothered to respond 9 hours later.
Re: I could do with an outside view on this please.
fuse- I didn't read this thread until last night so bear with me please
I understand you want to D and that's fine by me I won't push you into R as everyone has their own personal choice to make in regards to this (and she's not worthy of R currently anyways)
that said, you need to realize that the game has changed now that you know that she is a wayward spouse
you are very honorable guy and quite ethical, I commend you for this. I am sure you struggled with even getting the texts.
But your wife is no where near that level of morality and she is no where near any facsimile of the person you married.
You need to research infidelity and what a person in the "fog" acts like, the script that they follow, the justifications that they give themselves and others that why they cheated was a perfectly fine option. Learn about the gaslighting, blameshifting and trickle truth that they dish out. Learn about why exposure can help you. Learn about what you can do to protect yourself because she doesn't have your best interests in mind at the slightest right now.
Re: I could do with an outside view on this please.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fuserleer
I wouldn't just jump in the sack, but its sure nice to get some attention when you have been battered like this. A bit of company would be nice, from a female, nothing more, do a few nights out, that's it....give me something else to focus upon and stroke that very battered ego.
I didn't want to call her and hear her BS, and I didn't think she deserved a call it. I sent a short, to the point, messaged worded very well. I didn't outright accuse her of anything I couldn't prove. I cant prove that they have slept together, or kissed or that she HAS cheated on me. But I can prove that she has contacted and messaged him, and that was out of bounds.
Its still over, she hasn't even bothered to respond 9 hours later.
First, I am really sorry for your ordeal, I was rooting for your marriage until we found all the stuff she has been doing behind your back.
When you sent the text, what exactly did you say?
You should have waited to do this, now you're giving her room to go cover up her tracks and she will figure her friend has betrayed her. Clearly she has no chance with you, but you should gather as much evidence as you can and bring it to your lawyer.
As another person says, call her on the other phone while you are both in the house/car, and BLOCK your number just type *67 before dialing the number (this is number u put in US, may be different for other countries).
Do note she may or may not bring it with her when she is with you, or may leave it in the car on silent. If she is seeing you before him that means she most likely has the phone on her, but I would sneak into the car and check EVERYTHING.
I wish you all the best Hang in there, it's unfortunate she can not appreciate the husband she "had", she will regret it when this is all done and over.
Re: I could do with an outside view on this please.
she confirmed tonight via ILYBINILWY says she see's no point, and how do you teach someone to love.
She doesn't even seem bothered, said that she is holding her head in shame...I call BS, that's just plucking my heart-strings, I feel like she is just trying to get me to back track a little. But she's not doing it as urgently now.
She'll be back in a couple of weeks, maybe even days, when she realises the grass she thought was green, is simply mud...
Simple, I could not have her back unless she could PROVE that nothing has happened with this guy, and I don't think she can. If we were to get together, I could MAYBE get past a kiss with time, but sex just wouldn't happen...all I would see would be someone else on her, in her and all that, it would drive me insane.
As my Dad said to me today "Son, sometimes its just easier to buy a new slate, than trying to clean the **** off the old one!"
Re: I could do with an outside view on this please.
shes not...period...unless by some miracle she can prove that she's done nothing with this guy, which I really don't think is possible, and even with that, there's a LOT of work to do.
She's not going the miscarriage clinics now either, which I guessed, but I imagine she can rebook at any time....I don't care.
There's no plan, just a "you made your bed, now lie in it". She will NEVER have what we did, and if she wasn't happy with that, she will never be happy with anything anyone else gives her, as it will never ever match up.
Re: I could do with an outside view on this please.
Other then her old friend claiming they are still in touch, can anyone else confirm that? Maybe random run ins at a bar, her parents, coworkers, other friends?
Re: I could do with an outside view on this please.
I think doing anymore checking is overkill at this point.
She's made it clear that shes not interested anymore, Ive made it clear I'm not going to be taken for a ride. Nothing I do or say is going to change that.
It's VERY hard for me tonight, as it's over, I see no way back at all...Ive got to accept that now, try and kill the nostalgia and create some new fun memories without her, whether that be we friends, family, or new women I meet and hang out with.
My life won't collapse, I'm sure it will be better without all these constant problems we have had and the stress thats had upon me, but for now, I'm cut deep, it hurts a lot, and I feel a little lost.
This weekend will also be HARD....as it would be our 2nd wedding anniversary...the 1st one was spoiled last year as she was miscarrying, up until 2 days ago, we were still planning on going away for it..heh
560Likes
Re: I could do with an outside view on this please. 
Hang in there, it's unfortunate she can not appreciate the husband she "had", she will regret it when this is all done and over.
